Love is a curious and elusive beast. Yet for some reason, we are all on the hunt for it. There’s probably not a soul out there that doesn’t aspire to be in love.
As humans, we all crave to be loved and to love in return. So it makes sense that we are constantly out on the prowl, searching endlessly for our soulmate. It may sound counterintuitive, but often the fastest way to find love is to stop looking for it.
Life just tends to work itself out that way. The perfect match for you is out there waiting. As soon as you stop looking for it, that love is going to bite you right on your ass! How do I know this? Well, it happened to me.
Ready or not, here are the reasons you need to stop hunting for love.
1. You Won’t Settle For Less Than You Deserve
If you are in a hurry to find love, you may end up lowering your standards just because you found someone willing and available. In today’s world of online dating filled with oddballs or worse, the “not so bad” person all of a sudden seems acceptable in comparison. But you have to ask yourself “is this really who I want?” Wouldn’t it be better to stay single for a little while longer to find someone truly deserving of your love and time?
I was once so desperate for a date to a sorority event that I asked a complete stranger. He was more than a little weird (some may say eccentric) and creeped out all of my friends…and he smelled funny. Needless to say, I lowered my standards and paid the price for it!
2. You Stress Less
Stop focusing on the wedding bells and white picket fence, and I personally guarantee you will have less stress in your life. If you are constantly trying to impress other people and win their affection, I’m sure you are exhausted! Dating is a lot of work. Focus on yourself for a while. After all, people are attracted to those who are living a full and joyful life. You will draw people in without even trying.
The years I was single and focused on myself were the years I was in the best health. It seems obvious now, but once I stopped caring if I had a boyfriend I started caring about myself.
3. You Won’t Appear Desperate
Like it or not, if you are always hunting for your next relationship, you are going to appear somewhat (or completely) desperate. People can sniff out desperation from a mile away and are quick to attach a label to it. From there people will either lose attraction to you or try to take advantage of your situation. Either way, it’s no good. No one wants to appear desperate.
I knew a girl once who bounced from relationship to relationship. I don’t think she ever spent more than a month single. We made fun of her behind her back. I know, I know – we were awful.
4. You Realize That Love Can Be More Than A Relationship
If you are the kind of person who is always trying to upgrade every friend into something more, you are likely going to miss out on more than just a relationship. Those people that were never meant to be part of your romantic life could have been lifelong friends. By attempting to make something out of nothing, you end up losing those friends. And I can tell you from personal experiences (many, many personal experiences), sometimes friends are worth a lot more than a relationship!
One of my best friends and I tried to date. We went on one date, and thank goodness it didn’t work out. I love him, but not in “that way.” I’m so glad we didn’t ruin our relationship by trying to be something more. He really is one of my best friends.
5. You Learn To Love Yourself
Think about it. If you are constantly trying to force a relationship down the throat of anyone who will listen, you probably don’t have a lot of self-confidence. If you can’t be happy outside of a committed relationship, you probably ought to stop and reflect on why this is.
The best thing you can do for yourself (and your future soulmate) is to learn to love yourself for who you are ALONE! There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, someday down the road you will look back on your single days and be grateful for the memories.
So head out to some bars and clubs with your friends. Dance with random single people all night long WITHOUT collecting any phone numbers. Spend time alone with a good book or a good movie. Pamper yourself. Have fun. True self-confidence is gained naturally over time.
Ironically, true self-confidence is one of the sexiest and most attractive traits. It won’t be long before your date book is filling up. But before it does, learn to love your single self.
There was a time when I REALLY wanted a boyfriend. My younger sister was getting married, and love was nowhere in sight for me. I filled out three online dating profiles and started going out on blind dates. Each guy I went out with was only “meh.” None of them were the knight in shining armor that I had pictured in my head.
Luckily, after a couple of months, I grew exhausted and gave it a break. I got back into horseback riding and reading books. I went out on the town with some girlfriends. I came back to my normal, fun-loving self and kinda forgot all about dating. Six months later a new guy started at work. I don’t know what happened, but within a month we were dating. Today, we have been married for four years. I wasn’t even really interested in dating when we met. You see, love really did bite me right on the ass when I wasn’t looking!
Your perfect someone is out there. We all have someone out there patiently waiting for us to stop looking for them. They want to see us enjoying everything life has to offer. Picture two people in your head. One is happy and self-confident with hobbies and friends. The other one is depressed and anxious. This second one thinks that being alone is the worst thing in the world. Which person is more attractive? Yep – I thought you’d answer that way. Go be the happy, self-confident one. Love will find its way into your life soon enough. If you are anything like me, it’ll come right up and bite you on the ass when you least expect it.
Melissa Ricker is a nuclear engineer and a professional freelance writer specializing in career growth, technical writing and online entrepreneurship. She writes a blog, Engineered Motherhood, for working mothers who need help balancing career growth and time management.