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If you find it hard to trust yourself, it’s likely that you’re struggling with your self-esteem.
We’ve put together 20 tips to help you rebuild that faith in yourself, from confronting anxiety to staying true to yourself.
We hope you find these methods useful and get back to loving, and trusting, yourself soon…
Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you learn to trust yourself. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.
1. Be authentically you.
Being yourself is some of the most generic advice out there, we know.
But it’s one of the best things you can do when it comes to learning to trust yourself.
The more genuinely YOU you can be, the more you’ll learn about yourself – and the more others will learn about you too.
This will help you establish how you really feel and what you really want, rather than doing what you think you should be doing.
By staying true to yourself, you’re essentially building more of your identity which massively helps when it comes to trust.
You wouldn’t trust a food stall by the side of the road, but you’d trust a chain restaurant with a familiar logo.
The more genuine and established identity is, the more trust there is there.
2. Write down all the things you like about yourself.
Make a little ‘pros’ list about yourself – don’t include any ‘cons’ as we’re focusing on positivity for now.
Keeping track of all the things you like about yourself and any successes you’ve celebrated is really important.
This helps you see just how great you are and how many positive qualities you have.
The next time you’re feeling down and you’re finding it hard to trust yourself, consult your list.
3. Keep a note of positive things people say about you.
Sure, we shouldn’t focus too much on other people’s opinions of us, but they can come in handy sometimes.
You can start keeping track of nice things people say about you; compliments they give and feedback you get at work.
This will really help build up your confidence when you’re having a hard time, and serve as a reminder that you’re competent and trustworthy.
Having this list as a reference point is a great way to use your resources and build up your self-esteem and self-worth.
4. Enjoy alone-time.
Being around a lot of people can get really overwhelming, especially if you struggle to trust yourself.
You’re always worrying that you might say something silly or do something wrong because you have no faith in your words or behavior.
By getting used to being on your own, you’ll quickly become more comfortable with yourself and your opinions.
This is really important and links to what we mentioned earlier about building your own identity.
It might feel strange at first and maybe slightly out of your comfort zone, but spending time alone will help you build up a trusting relationship with yourself.
5. Push yourself.
As we just mentioned, stepping outside your comfort zone can really help you to trust yourself.
So often, we think that we are limited – in fact, we limit ourselves.
Our external surroundings and factors beyond our control aren’t normally the things holding us back….
…it’s our perception of ourselves and the boundaries we build up around ourselves that stop us from achieving what we want.
You have no idea just how capable you are until you push yourself into situations that you’d otherwise think you can’t handle.
By letting yourself try things and challenge the limitations you’ve set on yourself, you’ll realize just how strong and competent you are.
That inner strength builds and becomes faith – you learn that you can rely on yourself and the trust simply grows and grows with each new experience you conquer.
6. Stick to your guns.
So many of us second-guess what we’re doing, from our decisions to past actions and behavior.
This creates a lot of tension and stress within ourselves.
Anxiety stems from looking forwards – we worry about the future and the path we’re heading down and paving for ourselves.
This anxiety leads to trust issues internally, just as it would with anyone else.
In order to build up trust and come to depend on yourself, you need to practice sticking to your decisions.
This will show you just how often you make the right choices!
It’ll also show you that, if things don’t go 100% to plan for whatever reason, you still find a way to resolve any issues and move forwards.
7. Give yourself time to grow.
When it comes to trust, too many of us rush the process and want results straightaway!
This can happen with any relationship – you want your new partner to be totally loyal and committed from the very first date; you want the new friend you made at brunch to be your new BFF, ready to answer your calls at 4am.
While this is a nice idea, we all know that trust takes time.
Whatever the relationship, you need to let trust build up and you need to nurture it by being patient, positively reinforcing good behaviors and having an open mindset.
This is no different when it comes to learning to trust yourself, so give yourself the time and space you need to grow.
8. Visualize your success.
Vision boards are one of the best tools out there when it comes to making any lifestyle changes, from choosing a new job to working on your personality traits.
Think about what you want to gain from a more trusting relationship with yourself.
What are your intentions and goals?
Why is trusting yourself so important to you?
Create a vision board of the results and outcomes you want to see.
These can be statistical if that’s how your mind works – if you trust yourself more, you’ll take 50% less time to respond to work emails because you know you’re making the right decision.
Or, your intentions can be more emotional if that helps you focus, so you may want to add ‘feeling at peace with my dating decisions’ to your goals.
Visualizing is the first step in changing; manifesting that change is what comes next.
It’s no good simply having a list of outcomes you’d like if you’re not willing to take action and make a shift in your life.
Manifest whatever results you want see – start sending those emails more quickly and make snappier judgements on dating apps.
Keep focusing on what you want to happen; of how you want to feel and who you want to be.
Think about your best possible self and how good it’ll feel to trust yourself and follow through with your intentions.
The more you think, the more your actions will emulate those desires and your manifesting will create new habits that lead you to where you want to go!
10. Connect with your inner needs.
Trusting ourselves takes time, as we mentioned before, but it also takes effort and energy.
So often, we think about how trusting ourselves can help those around us…
Our boss may benefit from us working faster rather than asking constant questions; our partner likes it when we make decisions rather than leaving them to do all the leg-work.
But what do we gain from it and why do we need that self-trust?
Take time to really think about your inner needs and desires, and how you will personally benefit from self-trust.
Having personal gains helps us focus – remember, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes.
11. Communicate with others openly.
While it’s crucial to think about what we need, it’s more than okay to reach out to others.
Speak to a loved one and be open about your expectations and hopes with regards to building self-trust.
Communicating your thoughts and feelings with someone can help it feel more real – when we say things out loud, we’re almost forced to acknowledge their existence.
By taking things seriously and speaking frankly about our plans, we’re telling ourselves what will happen just as much as we’re telling the person we’re talking to.
Convincing another person that we’re going to trust ourselves more is essentially convincing ourselves of that same fact.
12. Learn to manage your expectations.
Any kind of self-work can be emotional and stressful at times.
As with any relationship changes, making shifts in how you interact with yourself can come with ups and downs.
Rather than expecting everything to change automatically and be perfect on the first try, find ways to manage your wishes and keep them realistic.
Be aspirational, sure, but attainable too.
Don’t dumb down your abilities, but keep things honest and realistic when you’re setting goals for yourself.
It’s all too easy to make grand plans, not manage to totally fulfil them, and be left doubting yourself even more than you initially did!
To avoid getting trapped in this kind of toxic, vicious circle, plan for things going slightly off-plan.
Sounds weird, but it works.
Give yourself a bit of leeway and you’ll end up feeling successful even if things stray slightly from the original plan.
13. Forgive and forget.
As we’ve just mentioned, it’s a good idea to plan for the unexpected.
This helps you trust yourself as you’re not always expecting perfection and won’t feel so disappointed if things don’t completely work as you’d imagined.
When that happens – forgive and forget.
Learning from experiences is so important in self-work, but so is letting yourself be human and allowing yourself to not be perfect all the time.
You can still love and trust yourself if you make a mistake and you can still try again if you feel unsatisfied.
14. Be vulnerable and enjoy it.
Trust is essentially faith in something or someone – and what better way to learn to have faith than to let your guard down and be vulnerable.
It’s okay – and good, actually – to be vulnerable; to be human and raw.
It’s in these moments that we see our true selves and can learn to love, appreciate, and honor that self.
Putting on a façade makes it hard to trust yourself.
Picture it another way – if your friend suddenly became a bit two-faced, kept putting on an act, and pretended to do or feel certain things, you’d feel a bit weird about it.
You’d probably find it hard to trust that friend as you’d feel like there was always a barrier or defense up; a mask that stops you from being able to trust them.
Treat yourself the same way and enjoy being vulnerable and real.
15. Keep track of your successes.
Learning to trust yourself is easier for some people than others.
For some, trust is a very abstract notion that’s based on feelings and is hard to monitor or predict.
For others, trust can almost be quantified.
You may want to keep track of your successes if you’re the second type of person – this will help you set numerical targets, and achieve them, and will allow you to track how well you’re doing.
By seeing your ‘performance’ levels, if you will, you’ll be able to trust yourself more easily.
Some of us have blind faith and some of us need hard facts and proof.
16. Learn to read your own body language.
A lack of trust in any relationship often stems from unpredictability – if you don’t know how someone will react or what will push them over the edge, how can you trust them?
Wildcard friends or partners can be fun and spontaneous, but they’re often difficult to have faith in because you never really know what they’re going to do next.
Some of us are the same in terms of how we see ourselves – we find it hard to trust ourselves because we’re not sure what we’ll do; what patterns we follow and what habits we have.
Reading our own body language and checking in with ourselves really allows us to connect more deeply with our minds.
The more we know ourselves, the more we can predict what we’ll do – and the more we can learn to trust ourselves and have faith in our actions.
For example, by sitting with yourself and observing how you act, you might notice that your heart rate becomes faster when you think about someone in specific; you may start to get itchy palms when you consider your workplace or your boss.
The behaviors help us learn what triggers us, and by finding these triggers, we can better equip ourselves for how we react.
So, next time you start getting itchy palms, you’ll know why – you can politely remove yourself from a situation with your boss, take some calming breaths, and re-center.
This helps you build self-trust as you can start to predict your responses, which helps you monitor and adjust them accordingly.
17. Stop lying and start truthing.
We’re all guilty of lying every so often – if you disagree with that statement, there’s a chance that you’re lying to yourself right now!
Lying is pretty normal, but it’s not wholly healthy or helpful.
If you find that lying is a bit of an issue for you, you need to address it as soon as you can.
Lying often stems from insecurities…
…you don’t want to admit that you’ve made a mistake.
…you don’t want someone to see you for who you really are.
…you’re trying to cover up a lack of knowledge about something.
It makes total sense that we don’t always want to be truthful, but that leads to such huge trust issues.
The more honest you can be with those around you, and with yourself, the more trustworthy you’ll become.
Again, picture this kind of personality trait in a good friend – would you want to tell a secret to a friend who spreads lies and makes things up?
No, of course not, because you can’t trust them.
Hold yourself to the same standards and do your best to start being more honest.
You’ll end up feeling so much better, even if you sometimes have to go back to someone and admit that you were lying.
Lying is a habit and it’s hard to break, but it’s important that you’re taking steps toward doing the right thing.
18. Trust your gut.
Does anyone else immediately panic when they see or hear this phrase?
Sure, I can listen to my gut, but then another part of my gut tells me something else and I get confused.
Is the first voice an automatic, reflexive response and the second voice the voice of reason and rationale?
Or is the second voice questioning the first voice because the first voice is wrong?
These questions could go on forever, let’s be honest!
It’s so much harder than it sounds to trust our gut in a lot of situations.
A lot of the time, we know what we think and how we feel; we just seek permission to do those things.
That’s normal and relatively healthy, but it becomes an issue when we no longer trust ourselves to make decisions.
If we can’t trust the internal signals our mind and body are giving us, what hope do we have in the world?
Does that sound like a familiar thought? If so, you need to start finding ways to move forwards.
Your gut may give confusing signals, but part of you, however deep down it may be, knows what the right thing is.
19. Make a moral compass.
You need to find your internal moral compass and learn to understand the signals it gives you.
For me, I avoid asking people’s advice on things when already I know I shouldn’t be doing them.
I’ll ask my sister about everything under the sun, apart from when it comes to the guy I’m dating who’s flying a lot of red flags.
Why? Because I know what she’ll say and I don’t want to hear it because I know I’m doing something silly.
I’ve found a way to internalize that feeling and become aware of what I’m concealing.
If, like me, you’re a bit ashamed or embarrassed to ask someone’s opinion, it’s because you already know what it is but you’re not prepared to make any changes.
This is why you need to listen to yourself more than anything – become your own best friend; your own moral compass; your own older sister.
20. Imagine, for one second, things go right…
Trust, as we’ve mentioned, deteriorates pretty rapidly when anxiety arises.
Anxiety tends to be linked to the future – what could go wrong, who could hurt you, and how bad you may feel.
This kind of mindset can quickly become toxic and all-encompassing, and it’s exhausting living with this type of fear.
It makes you question everything and is often what leads to you losing faith in yourself and having no self-trust.
Fixating on all the things that could go wrong can become quite addictive and you can develop a catastrophizing type of mindset.
That essentially means you imagine the worst-case scenario for everything.
This is very common for those with anxiety and is very destructive.
You end up questioning everything you’re doing; you feel like a failure before you’ve even started because you’ve already predicted how badly things could go.
By focusing so much on negative possibilities, your mind almost believes that they’re going to happen; almost that they’ve already happened.
This leaves you living in what’s basically a state of trauma – you may be grieving something that’s not even happened yet, feeling upset and angry at the outcomes you’ve imagined.
You lose all faith and trust in yourself because you keep imagining yourself as a future-failure.
This type of behavior can become a very dangerous habit, so if it sounds familiar, please do your best to stop!
It’s exhausting and makes it feel almost impossible to enjoy anything.
You deserve much more than this!
Slowly, at your own pace, start imagining that things could go right. Create a mindset that pictures everything going amazingly well.
As suggested above, be realistic in real life, but allow your mind to wander in daydreams and picture endless successes for yourself.
The more you can create these incredible future scenarios, the more your mind will start to see them as possibilities.
Fuel your mind with these positive potentials and reset your brain.
By picturing yourself as capable, competent, and successful, you’ll start to build that self-trust back up.
When you do this, those emotions, and those experiences will start occurring in your life because you’ll be so convinced that they will; that they must.
We know that building a trusting relationship with anyone can be difficult, whether it’s a partner, friend, or co-worker.
So it’s no surprise that many of us struggle to trust ourselves.
By following these tips, we really hope you find ways to have faith in yourself and your abilities.
Fake it till you make it and keep acting on this advice, even if feels incredibly hard at first.
You’ll soon create new habits for yourself, almost without realizing, and your mindset will start to shift.
Before long, you’ll have built the best, most loving, trusting relationship with yourself and your whole life will feel better for it!
Still not sure how to trust yourself? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
A therapist is often the best person you can talk to. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to feel confident in yourself and your decisions rather than being racked by doubt.
BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
You may also like:
- How To Find Yourself: 11 Steps To Discovering Your True Identity
- How To Believe In Yourself And Overcome Self-Doubt