Do you ever come away from seeing someone feeling absolutely exhausted?
If you find yourself feeling drained or frustrated after spending time with a person, it could be that they are just too intense for you.
An intense person requires a lot of energy and patience to be around. It’s best to recognize the signs before jumping into a relationship, or even friendship with them.
Just because someone is intense doesn’t mean you should avoid them, but it’s best to know what you’re getting into.
A common warning sign is the feeling that your relationship is unbalanced. If someone is asking for more from a relationship than they are investing back into it emotionally, then you should take a step back from them and question what you are really getting out of it.
A relationship is all about give and take, and a successful one will have you feeling like you both support each other equally. If this isn’t mutual, then someone is going to start feeling neglected or taken advantage of and that can be the beginning of the end.
It’s ok to need to take a step back from someone if you’re finding them a bit intense, but it’s best to watch out for the signs before you start to feel too emotionally and physically exhausted.
Here are some of the most obvious character traits of an intense person.
1. They talk so much you can’t get a word in.
If you feel like you’re starring in the latest crime drama and are stuck in a confession room rather than having a catch up with your friend or partner, then it sounds like you’re dealing with someone who has an intense personality.
If they talk over you or don’t give you sufficient time to engage in a conversation, they’re missing the normal social cues of conversing.
This can be because they are over-excitable, over-emotional, or subconsciously trying to dominate the conversation.
Watch out for loud, fast talkers who, even if they ask you a question, never seem to draw breath long enough to hear your answer.
You might be able to handle a conversation like this once in a while, but if this is everyday life for you, you’re going to wind up resentful of the attention they are demanding from you but not giving back in return.
If it’s a friendship, try to find an activity you can concentrate on together or simply limit the time you spend with them. If it’s a relationship, it might be time to re-evaluate.
2. You feel drained after talking to them.
Talking to an intense person demands a level of concentration and interaction that can be emotionally draining.
This might be because they are racing through topics and questions that are hard to keep up with. More commonly, it’s because of the level of emotional engagement they are demanding from you.
If you feel overwhelmed by the conversations you are having, it’s ok, there’s no need to get serious all the time and discuss topics you’re uncomfortable with.
Just be honest with yourself and with them if you’re finding it too much and try moving on to topics that are less emotionally wearing.
3. They can’t respect your personal time or space.
Spending time with someone can become too intense when you aren’t spending enough time away from them.
It’s important for people to respect your personal time and space and for you to have enough time to spend on other things away from them.
Don’t let someone have too much of your focus and remember that you are entitled to some ‘me time.’
Moderating how much you see someone gives you time to start missing them again and get excited about the next time you’ll be together.
They might not understand at first and it can be hard to say no to people, but stand firm, set your boundaries, and stick with them before you get caught in an intense situation.
4. They are over emotional all the time.
Intensity is all about emotion, and if you feel that someone is too intense, then you’re probably uncomfortable with how emotionally open they are.
People who are more in touch with their feelings can naturally come across as too intense because they can tap into their emotions more easily and talk about them freely.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it’s healthy to be able to access your emotions. If you struggle expressing your own, it could be a good opportunity for you to talk about why you find it hard to share these feelings with other people.
Just make sure they aren’t so caught up in their own emotions that they lose touch with reality.
If you can’t seem to have a normal, emotionally-neutral conversation with them anymore or you feel pressured into sharing when you aren’t comfortable doing so, it’s worth addressing this or taking a step back from the situation.
5. They have some very strong opinions.
Some people just can’t lose an argument, and being on the other side of that can be seriously intense.
A healthy debate is good for your mind and for sharing and appreciating different points of view.
It becomes unhealthy when your opponent can’t appreciate any other view than their own. In a bid to win air time, they might even adopt an aggressive tone, dominating the conversation by trying to talk you down.
With these kinds of people, it’s best to try to avoid engaging in any kind of debate or argument. Know when to steer clear of a touchy subject or let something go before you get frustrated trying to make them listen to a point of view they don’t want to hear.
It’s not always possible to avoid the hard topics in a romantic relationship. If you want it to work, sometimes it’s best to pick your battles and know when to agree to disagree.
6. They easily become obsessive.
It could be with a person, activity, or a cause, but there’s usually something they are fanatical about.
When someone’s interests are centered around just one thing, it occupies the bulk of their time and thoughts, and can become wearing for an outsider.
There is only so much you can talk about the same thing with someone, especially if it’s an interest you don’t share.
It’s best to try to have a balanced outlook on life and try not to become too wrapped up in one person or activity.
If you find yourself in any kind of relationship with someone who is bordering on obsessive, remind them to come up for air once in a while and encourage them to try something new with you.
They might not even realize they’re getting too intense and appreciate you being honest with them.
7. They can’t ever seem to relax.
An intense person is likely to be so busy that they start to make you feel anxious.
Some people just can’t stop; they seem to be juggling a million things while you can barely tell Netflix to ‘continue playing.’
These types of people thrive on the pressure a busy schedule gives them and need the intensity of a crammed life to keep going.
Everyone has their own pace, but busy schedule or not, it’s important to carve out some down time.
If you know someone like this, remind them to take a breath once in a while and don’t feel the need to keep pace with them, whatever works for you is just fine.
8. They sweep you up in a whirlwind romance.
We all love to be loved, especially when you’re dating someone new. It’s so easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of it all that you could miss the signs that things are too intense.
Taking things slow isn’t a bad thing, and if it feels like things are getting too intense too quickly in a relationship, then they probably are.
This heightened level of attention and commitment can only last so long before it before becomes smothering or just simply burns itself out.
Take your time getting to know someone, remember to keep making time for the other people and interests that you care about, and enjoy seeing where things go without forcing it.
9. They are all doom and gloom.
I’m talking about when someone gets serious all the time.
A simple conversation about the weather turns to a deep conversation on global warming, and a chat about a new job turns into a re-evaluation of their entire life.
When you always seem to find a metaphorical raincloud over your head when you’re talking to a person, then it sounds like you need to be a good friend and remind them to lighten up.
There’s a time and a place for serious conversations, but intense people can’t always find the right balance.
It might come from a place of wanting to make a deeper connection with you or be a sign that they value your advice. Either way, too much negativity too often can be exhausting for the both of you.
10. You never know where you stand with them.
One minute they’re up, the next they’re down, they love you, they hate you. If a person has frequent and dramatic mood swings, it can be difficult to deal with.
When a situation becomes intense, the drama factor is at a high, and with intense people comes drama.
The thing with dramatic people is that they are… well… dramatic. When a person lives for the drama, it makes it hard to build a solid foundation for any kind of relationship with them.
You need to be able to trust that a person you share a relationship with will be there for you for the small things as well as the big.
If they aren’t your go to because you never know what mood they’ll be in or you can’t trust that they won’t turn something into a drama, then it’s time to evaluate the influence they are having on your life and what, if any, positive impact they bring.
An intense person isn’t always bad news – they can be incredibly loyal and driven.
Make sure, if you know someone like this, that they aren’t asking too much of you. We only have so much of ourselves to share around and you should surround yourself with people who bring a richness to your life, not leave you feeling drained.
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