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Attention can be flattering, especially when it comes from the opposite gender. But what happens if you end up craving it as if it were a cold drink on a hot summer’s day?
The attention of men can sometimes feel good, even if you’re in a relationship. But perhaps you crave that attention more than you should.
Well, maybe you’re not looking for a relationship, but it feels good to be noticed. After all, who doesn’t enjoy feeling wanted and attractive? Wanting to feel good is perfectly fine, but needing male attention to achieve that feeling might be a problem.
The thing is, we all want the attention of the person we like, but it shouldn’t be our only source of self-esteem. It’s far healthier to find a way to feel good about yourself on your own, and later on in this article, we’ll show you how.
But let’s look at the most common reasons why a woman might crave male attention in the first place.
7 Reasons Why You Crave Male Attention
Maybe you are hoping to get into a relationship, or even to get out of an existing one, but if you need more attention than is considered healthy, there’s probably something else going on in the background.
The first step to solving a problem is identifying it, so read through the following reasons and see if anything seems to apply to your situation. As soon as you know exactly what the problem is, you can get right to solving it!
1. Your self-confidence needs a boost.
You’re probably looking for more than simple attention; you may crave male validation as well. If a man finds you pretty, funny, or intelligent, it must mean that you are all those things, otherwise he wouldn’t be interested in you, right?
So, you use the attention of men to give yourself an ego boost and feel good about yourself. Maybe you even need to be told that you’re pretty to feel that way.
Whatever the case may be, if you’re hoping to solve this problem, you should definitely think about your self-confidence and whether you could do something to improve it, rather than relying on someone’s attention to give you a temporary high.
After all, the rush you feel when you get a man’s attention is great, but it can only last for a little while. You can, and should, be your own constant source of attention. We’ll talk more about this later.
2. You let men define your value.
Maybe you don’t value yourself if men don’t value you. When you are being noticed by men, you feel attractive, desirable, and, ultimately, successful. Getting attention might seem like an achievement and proof of your worthiness.
Instead of relying on your professional, creative, and intellectual achievements, you strive to be considered desirable in the eyes of men and think of it as a form of success. Being popular with men makes you feel important and accomplished.
Focusing more of your energy on other aspects of your life could help with this. You probably have some goals unrelated to being noticed that could make you feel accomplished. Most importantly, you should learn to value yourself instead of relying on others to define your worth.
It’s great if you are attractive, but it should only be a small portion of who you are and just a part of what you have to offer. Maybe you’ve been putting a lot of effort into looking great on the outside, so now you need to focus more on the inside. After all, what’s the point of looking great if you don’t feel that way too?
3. You have been rejected.
Do you need more attention from men ever since a particular man (or men) rejected you? This happens more often than you might think!
Getting rejected can hurt your ego, and everyone’s been there. There’s not a person in this world who hasn’t been rejected. It can hurt so much that you need help healing it.
Maybe that’s exactly what happened to you, and you found a way to cope with the problem by creating another problem. You started using the attention of all guys as a substitute for the attention you wanted but didn’t get from a specific guy (or guys).
Well, that’s one way to cope with rejection, but it’s not a healthy one.
So, if this is the reason you need so much attention, try learning to accept rejection as an inevitable part of the dating game. Not everyone can like you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Yes, it can hurt to be rejected, but you just have to shrug your shoulders, accept that you’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and move on. It sounds easier than it is, but it’s really not as hard as it might seem.
4. You think men are better.
It’s possible that you’ve got the whole “men” thing wrong! Some women put men on such a high pedestal that it’s impossible for any human being to live up to that.
Perhaps you think that men are better than women or better than they actually are. Yes, men can be amazing, but they are certainly not gods and they’re just as human as women are.
Maybe you secretly believe that men are more like superheroes, or that their thoughts and opinions are of higher value than anything any woman might think or say. This is not just wrong but bad for you.
Maybe you’ve met some pretty amazing guys, but they’re not on some higher level than you are just because they’re guys.
Start seeing men for what they are, and don’t build them up in your head. Most importantly, as a woman, know that you’re just as important as any man, and your voice should be equally heard and valued.
5. You have “daddy issues.”
Women can have a lot of problems with men because of the first man they ever loved – their father. If you didn’t have a good relationship with your father or you come from a broken home, the problems you’re experiencing in your current relationships with guys might date back to your childhood.
Naturally, you are not the one to blame if your relationship with your dad was bad or nonexistent. However, if you have identified this problem in your life as an adult, you can’t expect anyone to solve it but you.
A therapist can help you, but you have to make the first move and seek help. You’re certainly not the only woman with “daddy issues,” but many women don’t take them seriously enough to do something about them.
Maybe you can’t improve your relationship with your father, but that relationship doesn’t have to damage your love life now that you’re an adult. Work through it with a help of a professional and learn to build healthier relationships in the future.
6. You seek love.
Maybe the reason you seek attention is pretty simple – you actually seek love. If you’re hoping to find a boyfriend, it’s only natural that you’re focusing your energy on men, but keep in mind that you only need the attention of one guy. Until that guy comes along, save your energy for other aspects of your life.
Sure, you can still flirt with men and enjoy the validation you get from them, but don’t actively seek it since it’s not what you want to begin with. You need love and someone who’ll make a conscious choice to give you attention for as long as you’re together.
You’ll find that person, but don’t think of him as a necessity so that you can feel loved. You should love yourself and work on making yourself feel fulfilled.
In addition, you already have people in your life who care about you. When the right guy comes along to join them, he’ll be just the icing on the cake.
7. You don’t feel fulfilled.
Are you taking care of your needs or expecting a man to come and take care of everything for you? It’s okay if you want a companion in life, but no one can live your life for you. You should be independent enough to make yourself feel fulfilled. No man is going to fulfill your every need and make up for everything that’s not good in your life.
So, if the reason you need so much attention is that you’re hoping for a Superman to come and make everything great, take a second to think about whether that’s even realistic. Sure, it would be nice, and a man might make you incredibly happy one day, but you shouldn’t rely on him for your happiness.
Start taking care of your own needs and living your own life, whether or not there’s a man currently in it. If you feel like you’re only half of a person when you don’t have a partner, find ways to make yourself feel whole.
7 Ways To Stop Needing So Much Male Attention
When a man notices you, you can feel a certain rush that’s common in attraction. But when you start feeling like you’re addicted to it, you’ve got to find a way to stop.
You can find a more lasting feeling and create your own happiness, so stop depending on men to give you that by showing you a little attention. Keep reading and implement the following steps to be more emotionally independent and confident even without catching some guy’s eye.
1. Give yourself attention.
Put the spotlight firmly on you and figure out what your reason is for craving so much attention from guys.
Sure, a man may make your life better in many ways, but there are ways in which you can find fulfillment on your own. You should feel like you’re good enough even when men don’t notice you.
Ask yourself how male attention makes you feel. Do you think that men like you more when they give you attention, so that’s why you want it so much? Do you feel seen when men give you attention and unseen when they don’t?
Thinking about these questions and discussing similar ones with a therapist can help you on the road to self-improvement.
Focusing on improving both yourself and your life without the help of a man is a great way to approach the problem you’re dealing with, but start by analyzing your current situation. Here are some more questions to ask:
- Do you enjoy getting noticed by any man, or do you seek the attention of specific men that have something in common?
- Do you secretly crave validation, or are you looking for a new partner?
- Are you happy in your current relationship if you are in one, or are you thinking about ending it?
- Did you get enough attention from your father growing up?
- Do you feel worthy of attention only when you get it?
- Is your level of self-confidence critically low?
2. Work on your confidence.
Take a second to think about the things you have achieved in your life so far. Maybe you mistakenly believe that you haven’t achieved much and it’s hurting your confidence, so write down everything that you’re proud of.
Perhaps you’ve learned how to play chess, gotten a good grade on a tough exam, redecorated your room, or made a delicious cake. Stop thinking that it has to be something huge or even unrealistic.
Think of the things that you can still achieve as well. Make realistic goals and stick to them! You don’t need big achievements to build confidence, so think of plenty of small things that you could do in a short period of time and only of a few long-term goals.
Gain confidence in your abilities too. What are you better at than others? Surely you have some talents and strengths that you can build on. Maybe you take amazing pictures, so you could turn photography into your new hobby and learn more about it.
Figure out what your passions are and engage in fun new activities. Maybe you could take a cooking class or dancing lessons. Being good at something new is certainly going to make you feel good about yourself. Stop the negative self-talk and start treating yourself the way you would treat a loved one.
3. Improve yourself.
There are many ways in which you can improve yourself besides working on your confidence. After all, there’s always room for improvement in everyone’s life.
Besides learning new things, you could read and take walks more often, start an exercise routine and try a different schedule. Most importantly, focus on the way you think about yourself and your life, and see if you can change that mindset. Try to live in the present, love yourself more, and look at the bright side of life.
Reward yourself whenever you make progress toward becoming the “you” that you want to be.
Realizing what you can and cannot control can help you identify the things that you can work on and the things that you have to find a way to cope with. When you dedicate your time toward becoming a better version of yourself, your schedule will be full in no time, and you’ll feel more fulfilled.
4. Understand the limits of what a man can do for you.
There’s only so much a man can do for you, no matter how great he is, so don’t expect him to fulfill your every need. Realize that you have to take care of your own needs, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
There is probably something missing from your life, but even if you think that thing is a man, it’s not. Of course, a man who truly cares about you can greatly contribute to your happiness, but you should be okay with being on your own either way.
If you are already in a relationship, think about whether you’re searching for something that you don’t have with the man you’re with. Could any man give you that?
When you’re craving too much attention and validation from men, it’s best to stop focusing so much on men and start looking inwards. What is it that you’re expecting a man to do for you that you think you can’t do for yourself? Try to make yourself feel good instead of relying on others for your happiness.
The truth is, people in your life will come and go, and even when there are a few that stick around for good, you need to be okay with being on your own and relying on yourself, which brings us to the most important step.
5. Work on being more independent.
How do you feel when there are no men around to notice you? Do you feel good when you’re alone, and what do you do with your alone time?
Spend more time alone and learn to enjoy your own company. Do the things that you love doing, and try to truly enjoy being alone.
Learn to set boundaries and communicate assertively with others. Get to know yourself better and grow your interests. Don’t be too agreeable, stop asking for permission, and speak your mind.
Focus on the things that you like about yourself, and work on the things that you don’t like. Most importantly, find more ways to become independent and to feel good in your own skin. You don’t need men to tell you that you’re amazing or to make your life better. You can simply be amazing and sort your life out on your own.
The best part of this is that you will probably get even more male attention once you’re stronger and more independent; it’s just that you won’t crave it.
6. Find fulfillment on your own.
If you do all the things that were mentioned so far, you’ll probably start to feel more fulfilled, and by now, you are aware that you can achieve that all on your own.
Whether you are single or in a relationship, maybe you’re just searching for true love. But it might be best to press pause on your love life for now and focus on other areas of your life. This will help you be more independent, but it will also prevent you from giving off a desperate and needy vibe that might attract the wrong men and chase away the right one.
Don’t wait for him to walk into your life and make it better, welcome him into your life once your life’s already the way you want it to be because you’ve made it that way.
Surround yourself with positive people who will give you the support that you might be searching for from men. Don’t forget that you should also have friends and family in your life, not just a man, and these people can help you and give you validation, attention, love, and support. Spend more time with them and fill up your schedule with fun activities.
7. Seek help.
You don’t have to do all of this entirely on your own. When your friends and family can’t give you enough support and insight, turn to a professional. There’s no shame in seeking therapy; in fact, it’s often a part of self-improvement.
In addition, it’s one more thing that you can do for yourself and put in your already busy schedule. A therapist can help you be okay with being alone, and if you haven’t already identified the root of the problem, they can help you get to the bottom of it.
This is especially true if you need to improve your confidence, learn to accept getting rejected, or overcome daddy issues. Get the help and guidance you need to feel better about yourself before you try searching for the right man to be by your side.
If you would like to get therapy to help you stop craving the attention and validation of men, we recommend the online offering from BetterHelp.com – you can talk to an experienced therapist who will be able to help you to identify the issues and guide you to overcome them. Click here to learn more or to speak to someone now.
You may also like:
- How To Validate Yourself: 6 Tips For Self-Validation
- How To Be Emotionally Independent And Stop Relying On Others For Happiness
- 9 Examples Of Attention-Seeking Behavior In Adults
- 12 Examples Of Approval-Seeking Behavior (+ How To Drop Your Need For Validation)