If you’re reading this because you feel unattractive, I hope I can convince you that the thoughts listed below—thoughts that you may well have—are not true.
And if you’re reading this but don’t feel unattractive, consider this a window into the mind of someone who feels “ugly” and then try to view them with more compassion.
1. “I’m doomed to remain single forever.”
If you feel unattractive, it can be difficult to believe that someone else might find you attractive.
And so, you might think that you won’t ever be able to find a partner.
Because why would someone want to go out with you if they don’t find you attractive?
But you probably know people who might be perceived as being less attractive than “average” but who are still happily coupled up.
You know why? Because attraction goes way beyond looks.
You might not believe it right now, but people fall for personality, sense of humor, values, and so much more besides.
So, no, the way you look does not mean a life lacking in romantic love.
2. “My appearance is the only thing people see when they look at me.”
It’s natural to consider how other people view you, especially in our society that places a lot of emphasis on physical attractiveness.
And looks do play a big role in first impressions.
But when it comes to second impressions and beyond, looks matter less and less.
People tend to be more concerned with what you say and what you do. After all, these are the things that affect them, not what you look like.
And if someone isn’t willing to look past your appearance? Screw them!
Honestly, some people are just shallow. Those people aren’t worth having in your life anyway.
Most people will quickly forget about your appearance (in a good way) and focus more on you as a person.
3. “My friends only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me.”
Are you sure about that? Do you honestly think your friends would spend their limited time and energy pretending to care about you?
Not a chance. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t hang out with you.
You may think they pity you because of your looks, but chances are you are projecting your self-pity onto them.
Your friendships are built on so much more than looks. In fact, looks rarely play a big role in who someone forms a friendship with.
Friendships are built on emotional connection, similarities in likes and dislikes, shared history, and the ability to be authentic with one another.
If your friends felt sorry for you, they’d have probably distanced themselves from you by now.
4. “I’m not as valuable as someone who is conventionally attractive.”
A person’s worth isn’t even 1% based upon their looks.
If you ask me, we’re all worth the same, regardless of looks or skills or bank balances.
The thought that convinces you that you’re worth “less” because of the way you look is a cognitive distortion—a negative bias that makes you feel bad about yourself.
It’s a lie, albeit one you’ve convinced yourself is true.
What you bring to this world, what you bring to the lives of others, and what you have the potential to bring in future, has nothing to do with how “pretty” or “ugly” you are.
5. “I’ll never be truly happy or fulfilled because of my looks.”
It’s natural to wrestle with thoughts and feelings of never being happy due to your appearance.
And those negative thought gremlins aren’t likely to disappear until you can do one important thing: accept yourself and your appearance.
The truth is, happiness and fulfillment grow out of a fertile soil of acceptance, contentment, and self-love.
Your looks are your looks—there’s only so much you can do to change them. Similarly, your attitude is your attitude, only there are plenty of ways you can change your attitude.
And you know what? Looks fade. But are old people all unhappy or unfulfilled because of how they look? No.
You don’t have to be either, no matter how old you are.
6. “People are repulsed by me.”
Do you believe that people feel physically sick when they see you?
Or that they quickly try to avert their gaze to avoid having your appearance etched in their minds?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but most people don’t care that much. Most people are caught up in their own little bubble.
They might see you, they might even have a thought about your appearance, but rarely will they dwell on what you look like.
If someone stares, it’s more likely due to curiosity than anything else.
7. “My appearance is holding me back from achieving my goals.”
Are all successful people attractive? I mean, c’mon, have you seen what most world leaders look like?
And are all billionaires athletic types or catwalk models? Far from it.
The only way your looks can hold you back from achieving your goals is if you let them.
Perhaps you have low self-esteem and lack confidence because of the way you view yourself and your appearance. That doesn’t have to be the case.
Now, I’m not promising that you can achieve any goal you like—no one can—but you sure as hell won’t achieve the more realistic of your goals if you don’t believe yourself capable of doing so.
Ask yourself why you think the way you look could possibly hold you back in terms of a particular goal. Nine times out of ten, it can’t.
8. “I’ll never be able to fit in with the popular or attractive crowd.”
No, seriously, says who?
Says you, that’s who. It’s you who is telling yourself what you can and can’t do.
The so-called “popular” and “attractive” crowds might welcome you with open arms, but you wouldn’t know because you’ve told yourself it couldn’t happen.
People like people they can get along with. They like people they share things in common with. They like people who can make them laugh or support them through tough times.
That goes for all crowds, attractive or not.
Besides, who gets to say who’s popular or unpopular? What is this, tenth grade?
9. “People are embarrassed to be seen with me.”
Again, if these people are your true friends, then no, they aren’t embarrassed to be seen with you.
And if they are embarrassed to be seen with you, they aren’t your true friends and you should ditch them.
It’s not uncommon to believe that other people feel awkward hanging out with you because of what you look like and how that might affect how they are viewed.
However, chances are this is all in your head. Without wishing to invalidate your thoughts or feelings, have you considered that you are projecting your insecurities onto those you spend time with?
If you are embarrassed to be seen by anyone, you naturally believe others must be embarrassed to be seen with you.
You must fight this unfounded and unproven idea.
10. “I’ll never be able to feel confident or comfortable in my own skin.”
Eventually, you’ll stop caring what other people think of you or what they see when they look at you.
And on that day, you’ll realize that your skin is the most comfortable thing you’ve ever worn!
That day can come sooner if you want. It’s just a matter of addressing your insecurities and shedding the shame you’re probably holding onto about your appearance.
Ok, that isn’t an easy thing for many people. But it is possible. It may take some professional help to get there, or it may come with age and maturity.
Just trust that it is possible to feel better about yourself.
One final thing about “ugly” thoughts.
I hope this article has been a positive read. Feeling down about your looks is a somewhat universal experience, although, yes, some people do suffer with it more than others.
While these thoughts are not true, they do have the power to affect your life. They can act as limits, imposed only by yourself, on the joy and happiness and love you experience…self-fulfilling prophecies if you will.
If any of these thoughts have ever run through your head, it’s imperative that you tackle them and find ways to challenge and eventually dismiss them.
Seek to minimize the effect your outward appearance has on your inner peace.
Again, professional help—in the form of a therapist—is something worth considering if these types of thoughts often weigh heavy on your mind.
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