What makes someone truly attractive? Tall, dark and handsome? Not so much!
When you first lay eyes on someone, the thing you probably notice most is their physical appearance. Vision is the first sense that we use to determine whether or not we are attracted to another person. We may lust over the pretty faces and hard bodies, but something strange happens once we get our other senses involved.
The physical appearance that we may have been initially drawn to isn’t as attractive as it once was. In fact, you may start finding the originally unattractive people quite appealing as you get to know them, and those lust-worthy men and women of our dreams lose their charm. Why? Looks will not sustain a relationship.
When I first got to know my husband, I was drawn to his presence. He had confidence. He had a smile that could be seen across the room. He treated others with respect. His laugh was infectious. We shared the same values. I remember thinking to myself “Wow, I want to marry a guy like that.” And I did. We got married a couple years later.
Beauty, attraction and love go far beyond the skin. While being good looking helps with first impressions, the value of physical attraction decreases dramatically with time while other factors begin to increase.
Here are six qualities that are far more attractive than looks.
1. Sense of humor
My husband makes me laugh on a daily basis – usually many times a day. He can make me laugh when I’m sad or angry. He is always ready with a funny story or a joke. When we are at a party, he is always the center of attention. People want to be around him because he is an awesome guy and he makes them laugh. I believe his sense of humor is what keeps our relationship playful and fun even as we age.
When two people are able to laugh together, something magical happens. People instantly connect through humor, and it can play a huge role in the strength of any relationship. When you find someone funny, you can’t help but laugh. Laughter is medicine for the heart and soul, and we crave it. Humor can defuse tension and conflict. Humor can make difficult situations a bit easier. Humor can help marriages last longer.
Having a sense of humor is one of the most attractive traits in both men and women. Give me laughter over a perfect tan any day of the week.
My husband doesn’t give two hoots about what you think of him. He feels good about himself, and that is all that matters. And it is the reason he is so successful in both his professional and personal life.
Have you ever seen someone walk into a meeting or a party and immediately command everyone’s attention simply through their presence? Confidence is a quality that shines through a room. Everyone respects and is attracted to a confident person. Confidence shows that you are secure with who you are. You do things that make you happy and successful while ignoring the rest. You assert your power and your knowledge, and others are inspired to follow you.
Confidence creates an aura that draws people towards you like a magnet. It does not matter what you look like. If you are confident, you will instantly be more appealing.
When I first met my husband, I could see that he really cared about life. He put 100% into anything and everything he pursued. He was passionate about his career, his dog and me. It is one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
Passion is infectious. It is inspirational, and people are drawn to passionate people. There is nothing more motivating than watching someone throw their heart and soul into something they love, and that is exactly what passionate people do.
They have a thirst and eagerness to get everything they want out of life. Passionate people set goals and strive fiercely to achieve them. Passionate people are also surrounded by positive energy. In a world full of negativity, passion and positivity stand out like a diamond in the rough.
I look at my husband’s face and can see straight through to his heart. When I am hurting, he is hurting. He cried like a baby when we had our son. He cried like a baby when we had to put our old dog to sleep. He is the most compassionate person I have ever met.
Compassion allows you to connect with other human beings on a deep and personal level, and possessing this quality will make you super sexy because we all want that deep connection in a lover. We want to feel understood and loved much more than we want a good looking partner. Compassion shows strength of character. It shows generosity. It shows love. Who wouldn’t want that in a relationship?
I love that my husband can challenge me intellectually. I think it is amazing that he continues to expand his mind, and I think it is sexy to find him curled up on the couch with a book. We can have engaged conversations that last for hours.
No, I’m not only attracted to nerds. But why wouldn’t you want deep conversation over a few muscles? Looks fade. Knowledge is forever, and it is very powerful. Intellectual people make it much further in life than those who are not. They are more successful, make better money and do more with their lives.
I have never once worried that my husband was unfaithful. I don’t ever feel compelled to check his email or text messages. I don’t have to because he is honest with me 100% of the time. The truth is sexy. Honesty is endearing, and it is the reason I trust him with all of my heart.
Even when the truth hurts, honesty is a quality that makes relationships stand the test of time. Without trust, you will never experience the kind of bond that true love brings.
While good looks will certainly help you attract others initially, physical beauty only lasts for so long. Inner beauty lasts a lifetime. Ultimately, what makes us fall in love is what lies inside a person rather than what lies outside a person.
Think about the people you know right now. Most of the people we meet are just okay. They may be pleasant. Some may be good looking. But they aren’t memorable. They don’t impact our lives. Now think of the people who really stand out. They are the ones that are exciting and fun. They are passionate and alive. These are the people who you gravitate towards regardless of what they look like.
My husband may not have the looks of Brad Pitt, but he is the most attractive person I’ve ever met. I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.
What other traits can you think of that make a partner truly attractive? Leave your answers in the comments below.
Melissa Ricker is a nuclear engineer and a professional freelance writer specializing in career growth, technical writing and online entrepreneurship. She writes a blog, Engineered Motherhood, for working mothers who need help balancing career growth and time management.