‘Feeling sexy’ is such a tricky achievement for most people, and women in particular seem to struggle to feel good about themselves and their sexuality.
We’ve got some great tips on how to feel good about yourself again and how to harness your sexuality as a woman.
Some of them may seem very straightforward, but they’re very worth doing – regularly.
The more you make feeling sexy a habit, the more likely it is to become your natural state.
1. Show yourself some love.
Easier said than done, of course!
This is more of a state of being than an end destination, so don’t expect a huge change overnight.
Learning to love yourself takes a long old time, but it’s important to go through the motions and start getting used to the idea.
Feeling sexy again can take some time, but you can start with telling yourself you love yourself.
Compliment yourself on things you like about your mind, your personality, your body.
Whatever you like about yourself deserves to be celebrated, and you’re in a great position to do that!
You can start each day with a mantra, reminding yourself how important and amazing you are. Look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge who and how you are. Tell yourself you love yourself, respect yourself, and want to achieve amazing things.
You’ll get used to hearing it and will soon start to believe it and feel better about yourself in every aspect.
2. Have a pamper day.
Picture every movie montage centered around a breakup – there’s always a pamper day involved at some point, and for good reason.
Treating yourself to nice things will leave you feeling really good, and make you feel valued by yourself.
When we’re busy, we often neglect to show our minds and bodies some love and attention.
It can be something small, from taking a longer shower and just enjoying being warm and smelling good to cooking your favorite breakfast and having a delicious, slow morning coffee.
Show yourself how much you matter and do something nice for yourself. Get your nails done, grab a lovely cocktail, and spend the day honoring yourself as the goddess you are!
If you can find someone to feed you grapes, even better.
3. Hit the gym.
Many people – women in particular – work out as a form of punishment or maintenance.
They think, “I had carbs at lunch so I have to burn it off,” or, “If I don’t work out today, I’ll gain weight.”
Not only is this very damaging as a culture in general, it doesn’t make you feel good about yourself!
Exercise is amazing in so many more ways than weight loss and muscle growth. It releases endorphins which make us feel really good.
Getting to the gym may not seem sexy while you’re sweating it out, but the feeling afterwards is so good and lasts a surprisingly long time.
You’ll love working out for your mental health and positivity rather than as a form of punishment.
In turn, you’ll tune in to your inner sexuality – you’ll feel great for taking some time to yourself, and satisfied with how much your body can do, physically.
This links back to you giving yourself some time and focusing on what makes you feel good, which then makes you love and respect yourself more – leading to you feel sexy again.
4. Buy a showstopper outfit.
Again, this is a bit of a movie-montage suggestion, and it requires a bit of budget…
…but it’s worth it!
Find an outfit that makes you feel good and respect that it may not look like what you had in mind.
There’s nothing worse than putting pressure on yourself to find a slinky black strappy dress and realizing you don’t want to show certain body parts.
Instead, try on a range of styles and outfits and see what feels good.
You’ll end up finding something that makes you feel amazing when you look in the mirror and you’ll want to wear it all the time!
If you’re not sure what to go with, take a close friend along. They’ll know what suits you and can push you to try things you might normally avoid.
Keep the outfit for a special occasion or hit the town for a night out. Either way, find something that makes you feel seductive and fun… and enjoy the process!
5. Treat yourself to sexy lingerie.
Remember that this is lingerie for yourself!
So many women only buy underwear to wear in front of their partners – your body isn’t made for parading in front of other people (but great if that makes you feel good), so get used to dressing for yourself and feeling good about it.
Go to a store and ask a member of staff to measure you properly – they’ll be able to pick out styles that suit you and whatever you’re in the mood for.
Choose something classic and sexy for under your clothes on a normal day, or go for something fun you can prance around your house in with a glass of wine and some loud music on!
Either way, the point of this fancy underwear is to remind yourself that you deserve nice things and deserve to feel good.
It’s easy to get in a rut with ourselves and not think about what we put on our bodies. Get dressed up in a sexy little number and enjoy how it feels on your skin – and how good you look in the mirror.
6. Get some perspective.
Stop comparing yourself to other people!
This is such an important one and is something that most of us are guilty of.
It’s far too easy to start thinking about what other people have in comparison to us, and why we’re not as good as everyone else.
These can be physical comparisons, or based on our personalities and skills.
It’s so pointless and yet all of us do it at some point! Ultimately, we’ll never feel confident and sexy if we’re always telling ourselves we’re ‘less’ than other people.
It’s not going to happen straight away, but taking steps to end the comparisons we make is a big shift in the right direction.
By actively focusing on not talking yourself down, you can start loving yourself the way you are.
It’s also worth thinking about when and why you stopped feeling sexy. Was it after a breakup or a nasty comment someone made, or after you had kids or got stuck in a relationship rut?
Thinking about what caused your dip in confidence and why you’re not feeling good about yourself is a great way to process things and maybe recover some bits you forgot.
It may be that taking time to consider your feelings now brings up some memories you’d forgotten about and need to get closure on.
For example, maybe your partner turned down your advances one night and it’s still making you feel undesirable on a subconscious level.
Whatever it is that’s linking you to that dip in confidence, you’ll find a way to get through it and can then start feeling super sexy once more!
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7. Light some candles.
Candles just are sexy, no question about it.
Whatever kind of task you’re doing, no matter how boring it is, candles will help you feel better about yourself.
Sure, maybe not so much when you’re cleaning, but when you’re cooking, showering, getting ready for bed etc. They just add a more exciting mood to a lot of normally-boring activities.
Go for scented ones, tiny tea lights along your mantelpiece, or a huge shiny one for the middle of your table.
Make it a ritual – maybe you light candles before having a hot bath or shower, maybe before you go to bed.
Either way, you’ll start associating candles with something in your routine that can then link to how you feel at that point in your routine.
For example, lighting candles every time you have a bath will make that bath start to feel more exciting and sensual.
Linking normal activities to something more intriguing, relaxing, or fun will help your mind focus on feeling attractive and liberated.
Lighting candles can help get you in the mood and are a universal sign of seduction, so go wild…
8. Relax and enjoy some downtime.
Unwinding is a key part of feeling good about yourself and can help you get into the right frame of mind.
One of the problems that a lot of us women face is feeling too stressed out to ‘get in the mood.’
It’s hard to feel seductive when you’re stressing about a thousand different things.
Get into the habit of winding down and having some time to just relax and enjoy being.
This will help you find things you enjoy again (because a lot of us are guilty of being ‘too busy’ for hobbies/ trying new things) which will make you feel better in general.
When you feel relaxed and you’re enjoying life more, you’ll find it easier to feel sexier – and to allow yourself the time to do so.
There’s nothing worse than feeling under pressure to feel or ‘be’ sexy, whatever that really means!
You might immediately be opposed to this one (and I would be the same), but bear with me.
In the same way that exercise releases those lovely mood-boosting endorphins, dancing leaves your body and mind feeling amazing.
Join a local class and get a workout in at the same time or just whack up the music when you’re home alone.
Either way, get used to the feeling of moving to music and enjoying the sensuality in shaking your hips, your butt, your body.
The best thing here is that you’re not dancing for anyone else – this is just for you to have fun and let loose a little bit.
In turn, you’ll become more in-tune with your body and will find new ways to move that feel good.
It’s also a huge confidence booster – it may not feel that way at first, but once you get over the initial shyness, you’ll love it.
10. Try something new.
This doesn’t need to be anything sexy to help you feel sexy, don’t worry.
The main thing here is that you’re putting yourself out there and pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone.
Whatever it is will make you feel so amazing once you’ve accomplished it.
If you’re stuck for ideas, ask some friends for advice. They’ll be able to think of things they know you’ll enjoy, and probably go along with you too.
Make it fun and sociable – not every step in your self-development journey needs to be on your own!
Get more people involved and you’ll start to feel accountable. You’ll start turning up – for them, to stick to your plans, and, eventually, for yourself because you deserve it!
You don’t need to get too wild, but there are some pretty quirky hobbies out there waiting for you to try.
Launch into it, enjoy yourself, and tell yourself how proud you are of doing something new off your own back, rather than for someone else.
You’ll get a big confidence boost knowing that you’ve done something different and put yourself out there – and we all know that confidence is key to feeling sexy.
11. List your favorite features.
I know, I know – super awkward, right?
It doesn’t need to be as bad as you might have made it out to be in your head, though!
The whole point of doing this exercise is to help you get more in touch with yourself, on every level.
We spend so much time doing things for other people and rushing around at work or with family and friends that we neglect to take care of ourselves.
This task is a way to spend more time on your own and evaluate who you are and what you like about yourself.
That can be to do with your appearance if you want – make a list of parts of your body you like, compliment yourself on your eyes, give yourself some credit for how well you dress.
Equally, spend some time thinking about your personality and what you like about it.
You’ll end up with a longer list than you might originally think, and you’ll have something to refer to when you’re feeling down.
The point of this is to remind yourself of just how great you are – and it needs to come from you!
Compliments are all well and good, and can make you feel brilliant, but you need to learn to love yourself and this will really help.
It’s a small step, but it’ll go a long way in helping you feel sexy once again.
12. Flirt a little.
Now, this obviously depends on your relationship status as we’re definitely not advocating cheating!
You can flirt with your partner or with a date if you’re single. The aim of this is to get you feeling confident and comfortable.
It’s fun to flirt and play around a bit, so don’t be afraid to be a bit silly or do some role-playing with a partner if it gets you going!
Flirting reminds you of how fun and seductive you can be, which is always a good thing. You’ll end up feeling desirable and exciting – and sexy.
13. Buy a new perfume.
This one does cost money, but it’s so worth it if it’s an option for you.
How many times have you walked past someone and thought how good they smell?
Good smells are just… sensual! There’s no denying it.
Smelling good is a big part of feeling good, which, in turn, will make you feel more confident, more seductive, more interesting, you name it.
You’ll feel good and people will notice a change and will want to be around you more. The fact that you smell amazing will attract them too.
It’s also lovely to treat yourself and remind yourself that you deserve nice things because you’re an amazing person.
14. Put on some jazz.
For the perfect combination – play jazz music, get in your sexy underwear, and light some candles.
Trust me, it works.
Go for smooth jazz or any kind of music that feels sensual and exciting to you.
You don’t need to dance this time, don’t worry! The music is just there to help you relax and ease into feeling more sultry.
Music helps our minds drift away from the stresses of everyday life that can hold us back from really embracing our sexuality.
Ever feel like you’re too ‘in your head’ to really wind down and enjoy something? Jazz!
Focusing your brain on something rhythmic will make all that stress melt away and leave room for you to feel confident and sexy.
15. Get naked.
It’s a classic and we just had to feature it on this list.
You might not particularly like your body, and that’s fine. This isn’t an exercise to help you love yourself, as we’ve provided plenty of other suggestions for that (although, we’re pretty sure that loving yourself will be a natural side effect of this task).
Getting naked is all about getting used to yourself. That may sound crazy, given how much time you spend with yourself – literally all the time – but it works.
How often do you really tune in with yourself and how you feel and look and the way your body moves?
Rarely, I’m going to guess.
And, if you do ever do that, how much of that time is spent scrutinizing yourself, feeling ashamed of stretch marks, getting upset at weight gain/loss or being ‘too busy’ to just enjoy being naked?
A lot, I’m going to guess.
So, this isn’t about feeling incredible straightaway and somehow instantly loving your body.
It’s about spending time with it and learning about it – what it looks like from different angles, how soft your skin is and how beautiful you are.
Get used to what you look like naked because it’s a great state to live in!
The more used to yourself you can become, the less surprise (and shock?) you might experience when you see yourself naked by accident.
So many people see themselves from a new angle, naked, and freak out because it’s ‘different’ to what they expected.
Well – get used to it and expect the raw, honest, naked truth. The more you know about yourself, acknowledge about yourself, and accept about yourself, the quicker you’ll start to see a shift and the quicker you’ll start feeling sexy again.