While it can be a short-term mechanism to make ourselves feel better, it’s not a good habit to get into long-term. The more willing you are to put yourself down, the less likely you are to notice when someone else starts putting you down.
Seeing yourself in a negative light invites others to see you that way, too. If you constantly point out things that you don’t like about yourself, people will start to listen to you.
Sure, your loved ones will accept that you put yourself down and will try and help boost your confidence. Others may not do this, and may actually take advantage of how poorly you see yourself.
If you convince yourself, and others, that you have little worth, you won’t recognize when someone else is benefitting from this.
Why would you ask for a pay rise or for more credit when you don’t even think you deserve it?
It can be so hard to shift your mentality to one of self-confidence and belief, but you will benefit so much from it, in many ways.
You’re Missing Out
The more you put yourself down, the less outgoing you will find yourself becoming.
Missing out on things will make you feel even worse about yourself, and you’ll end up creating a vicious cycle of negativity.
You may find yourself saying “no” to going on dates, attending social events, getting involved in work opportunities, and more. While you may not think you are worthy of these chances, you are being offered them for a reason!
Putting yourself down often means you start believing that you don’t deserve anything, or anyone. You may feel as though you have nothing to offer, and that you have no talents or interesting personality traits.
The more you believe this, the less likely you are to agree to various situations, such as meeting new people, for fear of not being worthy or fun enough.
While it’s totally understandable, it is still a massive shame. The sooner you can put a stop to these negative thoughts, the better.
At some point, you will look back and feel so sad for the things that you said “no” to, all because you didn’t feel as though you deserved them.
Try and get into the habit of saying “yes” to things now, and you’ll see so many changes in your life, both short-term and long-term.
I know, putting yourself down can often be the result of a mental health issue, such as anxiety. It can seem almost impossible to love, or even like, yourself some days, but it’s something that is so important to work on.
I think we’ve all experienced the horrible feeling of totally spiralling out of control after making a small mistake or doing something embarrassing.
What starts off as something tiny becomes a huge issue, and you start wondering if/why anyone likes you, whether or not you’re actually good at your job, and if you even have any positive personality traits.
Before you know it, you’re convinced that everyone hates you, you’re about to get fired, and you’re going to be single forever. Sound familiar?
While this can all feel overwhelming and very, very real at the time, remember that this downward spiral is not an accurate representation of your life.
Try and write these feelings down as they rise. Later, when you’ve calmed down, have a look back at your list. For example, “I’m rubbish at my job” – this is not true. If you were awful at your job, you wouldn’t have it. There may be room for improvement, but this can definitely be something positive to work toward.
Go through your fears and negative thoughts and take time to rationalize them. Hopefully, over time, this will help you calm yourself down next time you spiral into putting yourself down so badly.
The more negatively you see yourself, the more negatively you will see everything.
Constantly feeling unworthy, upset, and frustrated will start to affect the way you view all of the other things in your life.
You may start to resent positivity in other people’s lives, and become increasingly envious of their happiness and success.
This is understandable, of course, but it is not a fun way to live!
By convincing yourself that you are not entitled to good things, or happiness, you will start to move away from the things and people that can most offer you this. You may find yourself pushing other people away because you’re too angry or sad about yourself and your circumstances.
Constantly feeling down and unworthy is horrible, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Having suffered with anxiety for years, I know how much the ‘outside world’ can become a negative space.
You start to find it hard to enjoy anything because you don’t feel as though you deserve it. It can be so hard to feel good about things when you’re always worrying and stressing about whether or not you’re ‘allowed’ to be happy.
While this is understandable, it is no way to live your life! There are ways to change your perspective on life.
It may take lots of small steps over a long period of time, but you will get there and it will be so worth it.
Life Is Too Short
You deserve to be happy. It’s as simple as that.
You are worth more than hiding yourself away and punishing yourself.
You are not a freak, or a boring, unattractive person with no prospects and nothing to offer. Whatever you tell yourself during your dark times is not an accurate snapshot of your life.
Your life is so precious, and so are you. You deserve to find joy in things, to explore and to be unashamedly happy.
Whatever reasons you think make you unworthy are not things to live your life by. You are here for a reason, and you are allowed to do what makes you feel good, whatever that may be.
Stop talking yourself down – even if it’s just by replacing one negative thought with a positive one each day. Start small and you’ll see big changes…
Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.