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Whether it’s a new relationship that’s just getting serious, or you’ve been with someone for a while, we all get moments of doubt.
You might have had an argument lately that’s hanging over you both, or feel as though you’ve been drifting apart from your partner.
Either way, you’re feeling conflicted about whether to give the relationship more time to see if things get better or cut loose before they get worse.
This isn’t a decision to take lightly, especially if you still care about your partner.
There can be a whole range of factors that are causing you to feel unsure and you don’t want to leave with any regrets.
Having doubts isn’t a bad thing. It’s healthy to check in on how you’re feeling about your relationship once in a while to make sure you are still getting what you want from it.
If you’re questioning whether your relationship is right for you, consider some of the tips below before deciding what to do about it.
1. Imagine your future life.
The biggest question is: if you imagine your life one year, two years, or even five years from now, do you see your partner in it?
If the answer is no, then it’s unlikely this relationship is right for you in the long run.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the details of what that future will look like, you don’t have to have it all mapped out already.
The main point of the exercise is to think about whether you would still want your partner to be in your life at these points in the future.
If yes, then you know you don’t want them to go anywhere, despite your concerns. You might have some things to work on, but you want your relationship to last.
2. Think back to when you started having doubts.
When was it you started feeling conflicted about your relationship? Is it recent or have you been feeling unsure for a while?
Has there been a change in your lives that is starting to affect your relationship? Or was there something your partner did or said that made you consider how compatible you really are?
Identifying when you started feeling differently toward your partner can help you understand how best to move forward.
If you can trace it back to something they said that you didn’t agree with, this might be a conversation you need to return to in order to address an unresolved issue.
If your feelings have been fading for a little while, it’s helpful to try to understand whether your physical or emotional attraction to your partner has changed to work out if it can be saved.
Taking the time to pinpoint when things started to change for you can be a way to better understand your feelings and help reconcile yourself to whatever choice you to decide to make.
3. Don’t let your relationship hold you back.
You probably had goals and aspirations you wanted to achieve before you met your partner.
And as amazing as being in a relationship can be, it doesn’t come without compromise and sacrifice. It’s not uncommon to find your personal aspirations pushed aside in favor of your relationship’s future.
Letting go of your own goals could be causing underlying resentment toward your partner.
Speaking about your personal aspirations outside of your relationship might be something you’ve hesitated doing with your partner, being unsure how they would react.
But they might surprise you with how supportive they are of you achieving your own dreams, even if it means taking time away from your relationship.
You don’t know unless you talk to them about it. If it’s something that is eating away at your conscience and affecting your relationship, you have nothing to lose by bringing it up.
4. Consider how secure you’re feeling.
Trust is an integral part of a successful relationship. If you don’t trust each other then there’s little chance your relationship will survive long term.
Ask yourself if you have any reason not to feel secure in your relationship. If you are feeling insecure then you will start to put up emotional barriers against your partner to protect yourself from getting hurt. All this does is put distance between you.
Think about whether there is any real reason to distrust your partner. If they do something that triggers you, it might be unintentional, so talk to them about it.
If you’ve been hurt in relationships before, it can be hard to not let this influence how you’re feeling now. But don’t let a bad experience from your past ruin your chance for happiness in the future.
5. Are you living for the good times?
If you’re saying things like “but when it’s good, it’s really good,” then you’re right to be questioning your relationship.
Those alarm bells going off in your head are going off for a reason and its time to listen to them.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but you shouldn’t be living for the few good moments among the bad.
However good you might feel when things are going well, if they don’t outweigh the bad times then it’s not going to be enough to keep this relationship strong.
The relationship will eventually become toxic and emotionally exhausting. There’s a reason you’re feeling uncertain and it’s because you know this isn’t healthy.
You deserve to be with a partner who brings out the best in you all the time. So find the courage to make your happiness the priority and leave this relationship behind.
6. Is there enough compromise in your relationship?
It’s not easy to balance the needs of two individual people in a relationship. Each of you entered into this relationship as separate, independent people who somehow have to make things work together.
There is always the need for compromise in a relationship, and this can be a hard adjustment to make when you’re used to only having to think about yourself. The idea of compromising could be getting in the way of you fully committing.
This works both ways. If you feel as though you are the one doing all of the compromising, this can be a strain on the relationship too.
If you can’t find a balanced level of compromise, then one of you is always going to end up feeling resentful and dissatisfied, making you unsure about your future together.
7. Are you waiting for them to change?
You have to be willing to take your partner as they are if you’re invested in this relationship.
Yes, you can grow together as a couple, but expecting someone to change something fundamental about themselves is entirely different.
People don’t tend to change. Even if they’re trying to make you happy, it’s hard not to slip into old ways. If you’re waiting for it to happen, then you’ll constantly be left disappointed, and it’s not fair on either of you.
If you aren’t prepared to take each other exactly as you are now, then you should try to find a relationship where you can both be accepted without having to be something you’re not.
8. Are you a commitment-phobe?
Have you had a previous relationship where you’ve felt similar doubts? Do you always reach a certain point and get cold feet?
If you’re feeling as though you want to bolt, and you’ve felt this way before, you could be reliving a recurring pattern you’re not aware of.
If you are, it’s time to break the cycle. If you really want a long term relationship, you have to conquer whatever fear it is that’s holding you back from committing.
Identifying what it is that makes you want to pull back from a partner is the first step in overcoming these mental barriers. So persevere and face your fears, your future self will thank you for it.
9. Why haven’t you broken up?
If you’re questioning your relationship but haven’t broken up already, what’s really stopping you?
Is it the idea of not being with your partner that’s holding you back, or is it the idea of going through a breakup and being single that stops you from cutting ties?
Breakups are tough, there’s no denying it. But staying in a relationship just because you don’t want to be single or go through the pain of breaking up with someone isn’t an answer either.
In the end, your hurt will only be worse as your relationship drags on. Only you can say if you really want to be with this person, and if you know you don’t, it’s better for all involved to end it sooner rather than later no matter how scary it seems.
10. Take some time apart.
Having time to focus on yourself is healthy in a relationship. It’s hard to spend 24/7 with anyone before you start taking one another for granted.
Try taking some time apart and see if you enjoy your time together more once you’re back again.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so give it a go, spend some time doing all the things you like to do without them, and then look forward to seeing your partner when you return.
If you find that you don’t miss them or are reluctant to return back, that feeling might be telling you that this relationship isn’t right for you.
11. Spice up your sex life.
Sexual chemistry is a big part of a successful, healthy relationship. If things are going wrong in the bedroom, they’re probably going wrong elsewhere too.
As much as life gets in the way, it’s important to always find time to keep your sex life thriving.
Sex is an intimate connection between only you and your partner. It’s a chance for you both to get close and reaffirm your love and trust of each other.
If you’re feeling dissatisfied, try taking the lead in bringing new ideas to the bedroom to recapture some passion.
There is a wealth of inspiration out there depending on how adventurous you are. Don’t give up just yet, take some control and see if you can reignite that fire.
12. Start making an effort for each other again.
You might be feeling as though the spark has gone from your relationship and you want your partner to be more invested again.
But while you’re waiting for your partner to do more to show you they care, can you say that you’ve been making the effort from your side too?
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in everything that’s missing from our relationships that sometimes we don’t realize that we’re just as guilty of not making the effort to keep the flame alive.
When was the last time you got dressed up for each other or surprised them with a romantic date?
The success of a relationship depends on two people and it takes effort from both of you to keep it strong. Make sure you can say you’ve done everything to try to make things work before deciding to end anything.
It’s normal to have moments where you question if your relationship is still the right choice for you.
We grow and change over time, and sometimes the person who was right for you a year ago, isn’t the person who is right for the next stage of your life.
Evaluating your relationship shows that you are taking it seriously, by making sure you are still the best people for each other.
If you’re feeling conflicted, then it’s best not make any sudden decisions. Think about some changes you could make or conversations you need to have to give your relationship the best chance of recovery.
If you’ve done all you can to make the relationship work and it’s still not enough, then you can be at peace with your decision to move on.
Still feeling unsure about your relationship and its future? It can really help to talk through your concerns and discuss the points above with a relationship expert. They’ll be able to provide guidance and help you decide what to do next. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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