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You are deadly serious about the guy you’re with now. You love him, he loves you, and you are in a committed relationship with each other.
But is he the one? And should you marry him?
Lots of people say that they “just knew” when they met the person they would eventually marry. But this isn’t the case for everyone. And that’s okay. Having doubts does not mean that this guy isn’t right for you or that you shouldn’t marry him.
In the end, what you have to decide is whether or not this man is the person you are willing to take that chance with. Because the realities are that many marriages end in divorce. It’s a risk you have to face and accept.
But there are certain things you can look out for that will only increase the chances of you being together for the rest of your lives. These signs aren’t so much a checklist of things that you must see before getting married. Rather, they are things that you should think about and weigh up before deciding whether he is the one for you.
You may find yourself nodding along as you read – and this is a good sign that you have found a good man to marry – but don’t get disheartened if you can’t quite agree with all of the points that follow.
With any luck, you’ll get to the end of this list and feel more sure than ever that he is the one you should make a life together with.
So without further ado, let’s dive in.
1. You are excited by the prospect of a future with him.
Think about the future and ask yourself whether you see him there beside you. This is the advice most commonly given when someone wants to know whether their boyfriend is the one.
What’s more important is that you not only see him in your future, but you are excited by the fact that he is there. Because it’s quite possible to see a future where you are still together but where your relationship is surviving rather than thriving.
You want to think forward to the big moments you might share – buying your first house together, the birth of your children (should you choose to have them), the day you retire – and have a smile on your face when you imagine them there with you.
Beyond being excited by a future with them, you should also ensure that their vision for your shared future is similar to yours, especially on the big things that you can’t really compromise on. Do they want to have children – how many and when? Where do they want to live?
But even where compromise is possible, you should be roughly on the same page with the things that are important to you. Your financial choices should be similar in terms of how much you save, and what you’re willing to spend on. Your work preferences should roughly match up in terms of how much you prioritize your career and/or business and whether you want him to support you or vice versa if/when one of you chooses to become a homemaker.
Just remember that your vision of the future can change, and so can his. But by starting off from a similar place, you should be able to handle a little bit of divergence later on in life.
2. You can’t imagine anyone else you’d rather spend your life with.
Whilst this may seem the same as the first point, it’s slightly different. This time, you are not only excited to share a future with him, there is no one else with whom you’d be more excited to share a future.
There is no “one that got away” who you’d have liked to have married more. No ex whom you still have stronger feelings for. No imaginary perfect man who you think you might have met if you had held out a little longer.
You can’t think of anyone with whom you might be able to have a happier and healthier marriage.
Sure, you may have some doubts – some people are just naturally more anxious and more inclined to question their decisions – but you haven’t got a firm “other” person (real or fantasy) that you would want to spend the rest of your life with.
3. You would be proud to have him as the father to your children.
Regardless whether or not you want to have children, you could see this guy making a great dad.
This is a really interesting mental image you have to make because it encompasses his entire being – his personality, his beliefs, his attitudes toward life, his treatment of others, and lots more besides.
If you want children and you can honestly say that you want him to be the father of those children, knowing that he will have a big influence over how your children turn out, it’s a pretty good sign that he’s the one for you.
It shows that you admire him and trust him enough to be a positive influence on your children. You know that they might grow up to be like him, and you are more than okay with that possibility because you would be proud to have children such as that.
4. You know he would make a good husband to whoever he married.
Sure, you want to be the person he marries, but when you take a step back and look at him objectively, you are sure that he would be a good husband no matter who he ended up marrying.
Just imagine that the two of you had never met. You can honestly say, hand on heart, that the person he ended up marrying in your absence would be a lucky person indeed.
Again, this comes back to seeing the whole of who he is and knowing that he is a good person and a good partner. This can help you to realize how lucky you are to have him as your partner and potential future husband.
5. You would get along great if you were just friends.
A relationship is more than just a physical attraction, some romance, and a feeling of love. Sure, those things play an important part in the success of a relationship, but there has to be something else.
One way to know if this is the case with you and your boyfriend is to consider how you’d get along if the two of you were just friends. Would you be able to enjoy each other’s company in a platonic sense?
This doesn’t mean that you have to have all the same interests and hobbies as them; it simply means that you could spend time together and enjoy yourselves as two people who have no romantic interest in each other.
You likely have a similar sense of humor, you share a similar outlook on life, and you enjoy talking with one another.
Perhaps you already are best friends – many couples are. But you don’t have to be. Some people are best friends with a sibling or someone they go back a long way with. It’s okay not to be best friends with your boyfriend so long as you are still good friends.
This shows compatibility beyond the hormonal cocktail that is your brain in love. It shows that your relationship goes deeper than mere physical attraction.
6. You accept each other for who you are.
There may be things about your partner than you find annoying, but you aren’t out to change them into a version of themselves that you could happily spend the rest of your life with.
You have to be happy and willing to spend the rest of your life with the man he is today.
Yes, you can talk about little annoyances and see if there is a way that he might work on them, but your future together cannot be dependent on him making those changes.
And he must feel the same about you. He shouldn’t be trying to change who you are at your core. Again, he might raise some things he gets irritated by and you might try to avoid doing them, but he knows who you are at this moment in time and accepts you entirely.
This doesn’t just go for aspects of each other you might find annoying, it holds true for things such as mental health issues too. If you or he suffer from depression, anxiety, or any other condition, you and he must accept that that may always be a factor in your relationship.
7. He has shown that he will support you through your low points.
Whilst you should have multiple people in your support network, the most important will probably be your partner.
If your guy has proven himself capable of giving emotional support and, in some circumstances, practical support during a difficult time for you, he’s a keeper.
Some people shy away from being there for someone else who is experiencing an emotionally charged situation. In a relationship – where you expect to be able to rely upon your partner – it can be devastating when they pull back and become absent during your difficulties.
Whether that’s the grief you feel after losing a loved one, being made redundant from your job, or facing down a mental health crisis, you have seen firsthand how your man is there to support you.
And on the flip side, you have shown that you are prepared to stand by him when he is struggling with something that may be going on in his life. You know that you will do anything you can to help him when he’s at his lowest.
8. He treats you as an equal.
You and your man see each other and treat each other as equals in the relationship. Neither of you thinks that you are somehow better than the other.
This is important because the belief that you are equal is what results in mutual respect for one another. If he believed he was somehow above you because he is smarter or had a better upbringing, it would reflect in the way he treats you.
He might expect you to take on more than your fair share of the work required to run a home and life in general. He would take you and your time for granted. He would expect preferential treatment.
But you feel treated as an equal and you treat him as an equal too. You respect each other and can talk to one another when one of you pushes the other’s boundaries. You feel able to say no to him and he to you in the knowledge that it won’t blow up into a massive argument.
9. You are willing to make healthy sacrifices for each other.
Sometimes you have to put the needs of your partner before your own. You have to sacrifice something you want in order for them to benefit in some way.
But there are healthy and unhealthy sacrifices. If you have made a sacrifice and your boyfriend or partner has recognized that and shown his appreciation, that’s a good start.
A healthy sacrifice is one which won’t cause any major harm to you. A healthy sacrifice is one where you voluntarily put his happiness before your own. If you are prepared to do this, your feelings and commitment are quite clear to see.
And if you see that your guy is willing to make this kind of sacrifice for you in turn, he’s got good husband written all over him.
10. You are on the same page when it comes to big issues.
Two people in a relationship don’t have to agree on everything. But it does help to agree on the bigger issues of life.
This goes beyond what you see in your future together, and instead encompasses things such as your political leanings, your views on religion, and your desire (or lack of) to give to charitable causes.
Whilst people with different values and views may still be able to have a happy relationship if they can put those things aside and accept each other for who they are, it makes it a whole lot easier if you and your partner are aligned in mind.
If you see pretty much eye to eye with the guy in your life, it stands your future in good stead.
11. You have come through a rough patch or two unscathed.
All relationships will have their ups and downs, and if you have already gone through one or more such patches with your partner, it bodes well for a long and successful relationship.
That’s not to say that it’s good to fall out with one another. But if you can overcome your differences and rebuild the bridge between you, it can actually strengthen the bond you have.
What’s important is that you have been able to let go of the ill-feelings you might have had during that rough patch. You don’t resent your partner, you don’t still harbor anger toward them, you no longer feel hurt by what they may have said or done.
You don’t have to forget what happened, but you should feel able to forgive them and agree to move on toward a brighter future.
Chances are your relationship will go through several of these patches over your lifetime, but simply knowing that you can come out the other side still together and still in love means you’ve probably found the one.
12. Your relationship up to this point has not been hard work.
Whilst rough patches happen to the best of couples, a relationship shouldn’t feel like hard work. It may be hard at times, but for the most part you and your partner should go through life together in relative ease in terms of your relationship.
Other things in life may be difficult, and they may bleed into your relationship from time to time, but if you have thus far managed to enjoy a relatively happy relationship without lots of conflict, it’s a good sign.
A key indicator of this is that you don’t spend much of your time together in an emotionally charged atmosphere. Things may get heated at times, but they cool back down and you go about life on an even level, emotionally speaking.
Your relationship hasn’t negatively affected your inner peace for any great length of time. In fact, it should have given rise to feelings of peace and contentment for the most part.
13. You trust him to be in your corner when it counts.
Your boyfriend is protective of you, and you are of him. Whilst you may disagree on certain things, if anyone tries to attack you verbally and emotionally, he will stand by your side and fight your corner.
This doesn’t mean he has to take your side in every argument you might have with someone. He is allowed to have his own views and he may sometimes agree more with someone else’s point than he does yours.
But if and when it gets personal, it doesn’t matter who he might have been agreeing with, he won’t stand by and watch as you are spoken ill of.
And you just know that he would defend you even when you’re not around because he isn’t willing to have other people talk about you behind your back.
14. You tell him things you haven’t told anyone else.
No one will ever know everything that goes on inside your mind; every thought and feeling. But if you have told him things that you haven’t told anyone else, you must believe he is worthy of that knowledge.
It takes an incredible amount of trust to let your guard down and be utterly vulnerable with someone. If you feel able to be that honest and open with him, it’s a good sign that you think he is the one.
And assuming he responds with empathy and compassion rather than sheer indifference to you expressing your innermost thoughts like that, he really is marriage material.
Similarly, if he feels able to talk to you about his deepest darkest issues or thoughts, the bond between you must be really strong. Most guys aren’t great at opening up, so it’s a big deal if he has done so to you.
Need help figuring out your feelings for this guy? Chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you get clarity of mind. Simply click here to chat.
15. You want what’s best for each other.
With every fiber of your being, you want to see your partner happy and smiling and successful in whatever he puts his mind to. Whilst your happiness is most definitely not dependent on his happiness, it warms your heart to see him enjoying life.
But it goes beyond simply wanting to see each other happy. Sometimes, what’s best for your partner will be difficult for you. For example, your partner may want to give up a well-paid job he hates in order to pursue a career that doesn’t pay as well but that he thinks he’d enjoy a lot more. This would have knock-on effects on your total household income and thus what you can afford to buy.
It comes back to making sacrifices, as per sign number 9. If you love each other, you will do what it takes (within reason) to ensure that you can both live with as much joy and contentment as possible.
16. You want to grow as individuals as part of a couple.
The man you’re with has an effect on you that few others have. He makes you want to become a better person; to grow and develop the best parts of yourself whilst addressing your flaws.
What’s important is that he doesn’t say this or try to force you to change. He may not even think you need to change because he loves you just the way you are.
But you decide that you want to improve yourself because you want the two of you to grow together as a couple. Just by being present and being yourselves around each other, you spark a desire to work on yourselves. You want to be better for them AND you want to be better for yourself.
And when you each express a desire to work on certain aspects of yourself or your life, you support each other wholeheartedly. You are each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
17. You work well as a team.
You and your partner bring different qualities to the relationship and form a team that can tackle big things together. Your strengths and weakness seem to fit well with his strengths and weakness, like different jigsaw pieces coming together to reveal an image. In this case, the image is of a happy and healthy relationship.
When you get flustered by something, he remains calm. When he forgets where something is, you help him find it. Where he is great at big ideas, you are great at planning and organization.
You balance each other out well, forming a unit that is more capable and more resilient than either of you are by yourselves.
18. You don’t feel self-conscious around him.
It’s natural to feel a little unsure – even insecure – about yourself at times. But whenever you are with this guy, those feelings simply disappear into thin air.
You are entirely comfortable being yourself around him. You don’t try to hide parts of your personality that you don’t think are good enough or interesting enough. You drop the mask show your authentic side.
What’s more, you don’t feel self-conscious about your body around him. You might have done at first, but not anymore. You know that you can be confident in what you look like because he has made it perfectly clear that he loves the way you look.
What’s more, when you are with him, you feel a lot more confident in the company of others too. You feel able to be real and vulnerable at times, knowing that he is right there beside you.
19. He will tell you a hurtful truth rather than a kind lie.
For this guy to be the one, you must trust him entirely. Part of this is knowing that, if it came down to it, he would rather tell you the truth even if that truth would hurt, rather than lie to you in the hope of keeping you happy.
He trusts that you would prefer to know the truth so that you could deal with it, rather than avoiding it.
What kind of truths might he tell you? Maybe a good friend of yours said something mean about you behind your back. Perhaps he is honest about the dinner you cooked rather than saying it tastes great.
But it could also involve him sharing his concerns over something you are doing that may harm you now or in the long run. Maybe he has to be blunt and say that he thinks you are addicted to prescription painkillers because facing that truth and doing something about it is going to be better for you in the end, even if it’s hard to hear.
20. He is the first person you share good or bad news with.
When something good or bad happens in your life, who is the first person you message or ring? If he is the one, it should almost always be him that you contact before anyone else.
It shows that you have the closest and strongest connection with him. You want to celebrate with him when things go well. You turn to him for support when something bad happens.
Of course, it can sometimes depend on context. If something interesting happens at work, you might want to share it with a colleague who happens to not be working that day. That’s natural because you and they share a work-related bond that you don’t share with your partner.
But when it comes to the big stuff or the personal stuff, your partner is number one on your contact list.
21. You give each other space to be yourselves and do you own thing.
You feel close to this guy and you want him to be a part of your life, but you respect his need to do certain things by himself and he does the same for you.
This is a healthy way to approach those differences you are bound to have. You understand that you are separate entities that are choosing to come together to form a relationship. You are not becoming one person with one identity.
You don’t resent him for wanting to do things without you, and vice versa. You are not clingy and insistent that you tag along wherever he goes. You give each other the space you need to express your own individuality.
And you respect that you each need time by yourself sometimes. As much as you like to spend time as a couple, you value your alone time too.
22. You actually feel more independent in a relationship with him.
As odd as it may sound, since being in a relationship with this guy, you feel more independent than ever. You have a new found confidence in yourself by virtue of being in a loving relationship.
You know that you can face challenges alone and take care of yourself, whilst being grateful that you no longer have to. You know that, at the end of the day, you can come home to your man, and this inspires you to venture out of your comfort zone from time to time.
This is very different to being in a codependent relationship where your lives revolve around each other entirely, and your very reason for living is based upon that relationship.
23. You are happy to live a boring life with him.
You know he’s the one you should marry when you don’t resist the realities of day-to-day living. Let’s face it, life can be dull sometimes and your relationship won’t always be full of excitement and laughter. It can’t all be romance and big gestures of love.
But you go into the future knowing this and embracing the fact that, despite all the rather tedious stuff you have to deal with, you get to spend your life alongside someone who makes everything a little more colorful.
A settled, family life with this man doesn’t scare you (whether that family involves children, pets, or just extended family and friends). You want to live the boring life with them so that you can enjoy all the fun bits that punctuate this boredom.
24. You respect how each other likes to express and receive love.
Love is not a single thing, and not everybody expresses themselves in the same way. There are five love languages that you and your partner may speak. These are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Not all couples speak the same language when it comes to love, and that’s okay. What is important is that you respect the ways that your partner likes to show love and be shown love.
This allows you to show your appreciation to them when they express their love in the way that feels most natural to them, whilst being willing to try to show them love in that way too.
You should both be putting in the effort to ensure that you each feel loved and wanted and appreciated. This means learning to speak each other’s love languages, to a certain degree at least.
25. He is a source of energy for you (or not a drain, at the very least).
Depending where you sit on the introvert-extrovert scale, you will either find socializing a draining exercise or an invigorating one.
But when it comes down to spending time just the two of you, you feel more energized by it, or at the very least you don’t feel drained by it.
For the introverts out there, you are able to be with this guy and not feel like you have to take the next day off entirely by yourself.
For the extroverts among you, you get enough mental and social stimulation from him that you feel pumped and motivated about life.
Yours and his energy needs compliment each other. This is vital if you are to marry him and spend the rest of your lives together.
26. He is everything you didn’t know you needed.
Since being with him, you realize that he ticks boxes for you that you didn’t even know existed. He has shown you what it means to be in a deeply loving relationship and has raised your expectations for what that looks like.
And you might not even be able to put your finger on exactly what those boxes or qualities are half the time. You just know that he is better suited to you than any guy who has come before.
This is about as close to an explanation as you can get of that feeling some people say they have when they say they “know” that their partner is the one for them.
27. You could have an amicable separation.
It might seem strange to end this list talking about separation or divorce, but it’s wise to accept the possibility that things may change, life may throw curveballs your way, and your relationship or marriage may not go the distance.
If you truly believe that you could have children with this person and yet still co-parent in a healthy and responsible way after separating, it’s a good sign that this relationship deserves to be given every chance.
You can go into it hoping that you stay together forever, safe in the knowledge that if that doesn’t come to pass, you could respectfully deal with one another regarding the parts of your life that can’t be separated.
Still not sure whether he is the one you should marry? It’s okay to have doubts. To decide one way or another whether he is husband material, it can help to talk your thoughts and feelings through with someone. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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