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Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you stop being and acting spoiled. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
Have you not had to do much for yourself?
Do you feel entitled to success, things, or what other people have to offer?
Do you ask and take from others without considering their needs?
Do you feel jealous of the successes of others?
If you can answer yes to these questions, then you may be spoiled.
To be spoiled includes a few different things. First, a spoiled person may feel entitled to things they do not have. Jealousy may cause them to resent people who have the things they want. They may not feel they have to work for anything because they deserve to have it by virtue of who they are.
The spoiled person may avoid stepping into and fixing their own problems. As a result, they may avoid hard work and subsequently be denied the satisfaction of victory and the difficulties of defeat.
To be spoiled is not a good thing. And if you are a spoiled person reading this article to better yourself – congratulations! You’ve identified and cleared the greatest hurdle – understanding and accepting your shortcoming.
But before we get into the tips on changing your perspective, we should talk about being fortunate.
What is the difference between fortunate and spoiled?
Not everyone is on an equal and level playing field in life. Yes, this may seem like an obvious statement, but not everyone realizes it. Some people are dealt a difficult hand and have to find a way to play it. Others are more fortunate and have better circumstances.
There’s nothing wrong with being fortunate. Some fortunate people feel guilty for being fortunate. They may look at people who are worse off than them and tell themselves they are spoiled or undeserving. Some may even find themselves jealous because they’ve come to believe the false narrative that unfortunate people have more grit or a better work ethic.
And that isn’t true at all. Plenty of fortunate and unfortunate people have a garbage work ethic or lack the ambition to do better. It’s not always apparent because some people just love the inspirational stories of people overcoming struggles. And while some of those stories are certainly inspirational, they rarely show the other side of the coin.
For every one person who overcame the odds and made it, hundreds or thousands haven’t. After all, those who “overcame the odds” were expected to fail at their attempts. Unfortunately, that means that most people aren’t going to succeed.
What does this have to do with you?
Well, it means you don’t need to feel guilty for being fortunate or having an easier life than others. To be fortunate does not mean that you are inherently spoiled. Plenty of fortunate people are hard-working, responsible, dependable, and appreciate what they have.
A spoiled person, on the other hand, feels entitled or looks down on other people who aren’t doing as well. These two things are not the same.
Now, if you do feel you’re spoiled, we have ten tips to help you guide yourself in a better direction.
1. Learn to practice gratitude.
Gratitude is a powerful practice that can change your perspective for the better. The main benefit is that gratitude helps you focus your thoughts on appreciation for what you do have instead of longing for what you don’t have.
Traits like longing for what you don’t have, being angry you don’t have it, or not appreciating what you have are often associated with being spoiled.
Learn to be grateful for what you have, even if it isn’t much. That can help you keep your eyes on working toward your own goals instead of feeling envious or entitled to what other people have.
2. Be of service to other people.
An old saying goes something like, “Helping people helps yourself.”
Helping others is good for the soul when it’s done without consideration for what you get out of it. It is simply being of service to other people that might need some additional help they wouldn’t otherwise receive.
Doing for others without expecting anything is the opposite of being spoiled or entitled. You know these other people can’t do anything for you, so you choose not to accept anything or anything unreasonable. Sometimes people feel compelled to offer you something back, even if it’s not much. It’s okay to accept that if they offer; just never demand.
3. Celebrate the wins of other people.
Envy and jealousy are closely correlated with the spoiled. One way to combat them is to genuinely celebrate the wins of others.
A coworker gets a promotion that you felt you earned? Swallow the bitterness and find some happiness for them; congratulate them.
A friend finally accomplishes a hard goal they’ve been working on? Give them a “hell yeah” and offer to take them out for dinner or a drink to celebrate their success.
This practice will help shift you away from thoughts of entitlement to more positive thoughts of support and genuine happiness for the success of others.
For more on this, read our article: 10 No Bullsh*t Ways To Be Happy For Others
4. Defuse thoughts of entitlement.
The thoughts and feelings associated with entitlement cause people to believe they are owed something. This idea can easily be misconstrued for selfish ends.
For example, some people feel that others are not deserving of basic respect or dignity unless it is earned. This is a form of entitlement because the person not giving basic respect feels they are owed a certain set of behaviors to earn approval.
Combat thoughts of debt and being owed when they crop up. The truth is that life won’t give you what you feel you’re owed. You can work plenty hard and not get what you want. That’s just how it is. That includes other people. Even if everyone deserves a basic level of respect and consideration, that doesn’t mean they will get it.
5. Avoid negative self-talk.
Some people feel spoiled because they were born into good circumstances and didn’t have to struggle. They may have all the support in the world, nice things, and never really wanted anything.
Is this you? And were these things outside of your control? Then don’t waste your time punishing yourself for them.
Having those things while others struggle doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. This comes back to the difference between being fortunate and being spoiled.
You’re also not a bad person for identifying that you have a flaw. Okay, so perhaps you actually are spoiled. You’ve identified the problem and can now work on fixing it. And what won’t fix it is telling yourself that you’re a bad person for your flaw. Instead, you just pour guilt onto yourself that doesn’t serve you in any necessary way. There’s no reason for you to tear yourself down.
6. Do some hard work and avoid the easy road.
The spoiled often avoid hard work and look for the easy road. If it’s not easy, they typically won’t do it because they feel entitled to the fruits of success without the labor to grow it.
Instead, do some hard work and earn what you want. Even if you’re financially well off, get a job and work for a paycheck for a while. Not only does it feel better to earn something with your own two hands, but it will also help you appreciate the effort that other people are putting in to just get by.
Another thing you can do is focus on some hard work that doesn’t have a tangible, material payoff. For example, maybe you can get out and do some yard work if you don’t typically do that, dig a ditch, cut down a tree, or clean some stuff up. You may also go to a local place of worship and ask if they know anyone who needs help with that kind of work. They should be able to help you find some work to do for the elderly, disadvantaged, or people who can’t do it for themselves.
Pursue challenging things, and it will help you change your mindset.
7. Don’t let yourself get complacent and comfortable.
Complacency is a comfortable place that allows you to sit on a pedestal and look down on others. Don’t sit up there. Get down and do something instead.
Set goals and pursue them. You are less likely to focus on what you deserve when you focus more on the goals you want to crush.
But there is an additional consideration here. The first is that you must avoid feeling entitled to success. Hard work only improves the chances you’ll succeed. It promises nothing.
On the other hand, pursuing your goals can help you develop discipline because things aren’t always going to go right. Success is rarely a straight line. Most successful people will have experienced obstacles and setbacks they had to overcome in order to succeed. So, when you experience an obstacle or setback, don’t throw your hands up in defeat. Instead, look for ways to pivot and overcome the obstacle.
And when you do start meeting your goals, set new ones and work toward those.
8. Don’t expect other people to fix your problems or support you.
Got a problem? Then fix it. Want to accomplish something? Don’t expect a pat on the backside or people to cheer you on to victory.
Unfortunately, the spoiled often avoid the hard work of fixing their problems or maintaining discipline. They may have always had someone to fix their problems or do the work for them.
For example, helicopter parents do a great disservice to their children by swooping in to fix their problems instead of letting them learn how to do it for themselves or take responsibility for their choices. That spoils the child and teaches them they don’t have to learn how to solve their own problems.
If you don’t know how to fix a problem, hit the internet for suggestions. You may also consider talking to someone you trust or seeking a counselor to sort out the situation. No problems are so unique that someone else hasn’t experienced a similar thing.
9. Take responsibility for your own actions and choices.
Step up and take responsibility for your actions and choices. You made a choice, and it went badly? Did you take an action that blew up in your face? Welcome to the club! That’s literally every single person on this planet. The best-laid plans can go off the rails real quick. And sometimes our best-laid plans aren’t actually as good as we think they are.
Sometimes you’ll make bad decisions because you have bad information. You may do wrong actions because you’re human, and sometimes people are selfish and short-sighted. Take responsibility when you do these things and realize that you’re wrong. Don’t try to dismiss it or ignore it. Instead, face it, offer to make it better where you can, and learn from it.
Now you know what you don’t want to do. Success!
10. Watch/listen to interviews with the disadvantaged.
You can find channels that focus on interviewing the disadvantaged and different on social media and YouTube. For example, suppose you can’t get out and around other people. In that case, it can be quite helpful and grounding to listen to these other people’s experiences. The point is not to feel guilty or beat yourself up for whatever privileges you have but to just be able to see the world through another set of eyes for a little while.
You may never live the kind of life these people do, but you can learn to sympathize with their journey and ground yourself into a greater reality. Most people can’t afford to be spoiled because they aren’t privileged enough to be spoiled. Maybe they had garbage parents that abused them, suffered some terrible trauma they never recovered from, or have a disability that’s made their life much harder.
Knowing these stories can help you shift your perspective, increase your appreciation for what you have, and inspire your desire to be a better person to make the world better.
And, if you find that you are struggling with breaking the idea of being spoiled, it may be helpful to seek out the help of a mental health counselor. Often, this kind of behavior develops in childhood due to how a person is raised. If that’s the case for you, then you’ll likely need extra advice from someone trained to help you with that problem.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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- How To Stop Being Lazy: 24 Tips That Actually Work!
- 8 Ways To Not Be Arrogant (And How Confidence Is Different)