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Assertiveness is a trait more commonly associated with men than with women…
…but you couldn’t care less because you wear that label with pride.
You’ve been called self-assured, strong-willed, and firm. You may have also been called some less kind things by those people—men and women—who find you intimidating.
But that’s water off a duck’s back. You epitomize an assertive woman, and you can likely tick off each of these 20 traits, right?
1. She knows her values and her worth.
Values are important to an assertive woman, and they often make their decisions based on them. Assertive women are very self-aware, so they know exactly what they stand for and believe in.
Being assertive also means knowing that you are worthy of love and respect. Assertive women actively recognize their own self-worth every day, and this makes it easier for them to be confident.
They also know what they like and don’t like and they base their decisions on these values, likes, and dislikes.
2. She freely expresses herself.
This type of woman expresses herself unapologetically. Since she respects other people’s opinions, she expects people to respect hers. She doesn’t feel the need to degrade or insult someone else’s views, but she won’t hesitate to express her own either.
An assertive woman knows that she’s entitled to an opinion and can freely express it when appropriate. She doesn’t ask for permission before she does so either. Nor does she wait for anyone else to tell her what she should or shouldn’t like.
3. She communicates clearly.
Being clear with other people is a big part of being assertive. An assertive woman communicates clearly so that there’s no room for misunderstandings, especially when making requests.
Instead of saying “I’m sorry, could you possibly do that by tomorrow?” she would say “I need that done by tomorrow.”
When other people speak, she actively listens and communicates clearly but calmly.
4. She is confident.
She is confident in herself, her opinions, and her abilities. She has no time for self-doubt. She knows what she has to offer and how valuable it is.
An assertive woman shows herself self-love, knows her value, and treats herself with respect. Because of this, she has high levels of confidence and self-esteem. She loves herself and is unapologetically herself in front of anyone.
5. She respects other people’s opinions.
Even though assertive women are confident in their opinions and freely voice them, they respect the opinions of other people. They will listen to other people and agree to disagree if needed.
While a strong believer in her own values, an assertive woman can put herself in someone else’s shoes and consider things from their perspective.
6. She takes charge.
An assertive woman knows the true meaning of girl power! She has a strong presence that demands attention and respect, which makes her a great leader. When the situation calls for it, she won’t hesitate to take charge.
She is confident and in control whenever needed. This is especially useful when a problem occurs, and that’s when an assertive woman shines.
They’re natural problem-solvers, and they always look for a solution. Some men might find the way these women take charge to be a bit intimidating, but, at the end of it, they are still grateful for the results of the effort assertive women put into handling a difficult situation.
7. She is self-sufficient and independent.
Assertiveness and independence go hand in hand with each other. Assertive women know what they want, and they know how to get it as well.
An assertive woman can defend herself if needed, and she will only reach out to others to help her once she has exhausted every avenue of solving the problem herself.
Assertive women are the opposite of needy, dependent women who rely on men to come to their rescue. Being self-sufficient works for them, and they enjoy their own company, so they don’t mind being alone.
8. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.
While an assertive woman might not ask for help unless absolutely necessary, she will ask for what she needs if she can’t get it herself. These women usually get what they want because they know how to ask nicely for it.
Assertive women have great communication skills. This means it’s easy for them to get what they want from others because there is no confusion or misunderstandings.
9. She sets boundaries and sticks to them.
Assertive women know exactly what they will and won’t tolerate. So, they set clear boundaries, and, more importantly, stick to them.
They do this to protect themselves, and because they understand that their finite resources are valuable.
An assertive woman is not afraid to say “no” to something or someone if the request or suggestion doesn’t work for her. She doesn’t try to people please, though she still has a kind and generous side too.
10. She isn’t aggressive or passive-aggressive.
This type of woman makes clear statements, not passive-aggressive remarks.
Being assertive is very different to being aggressive because you leave space for other people to voice their opinions as well.
While an assertive woman won’t hesitate to express herself, she will allow others to freely do the same as well. She will show them the kind of respect that she hopes to receive.
11. She stands up for herself.
Don’t be fooled by the lack of aggression, because these women know how to defend themselves! An assertive woman will stand up for herself, and others if needed.
She will voice her opinion no matter what, and she isn’t afraid of confrontation. While she might not be aggressive, she also won’t hesitate to defend herself from those who are.
12. She isn’t scared of confrontation.
A mature and mentally strong woman handles conflict in a composed and calm manner. Conflicts are a part of life that you can’t escape, and it’s easy to understand that when you’re debating with an assertive woman.
She is willing to fight for what she believes, but she does so calmly and using her words, which makes the confrontation productive.
13. She makes compromises.
Confrontations with assertive women are productive, and one of the reasons for this is that they’re good at making compromises. When a compromise is being made, neither of the parties involved gets their way, but all of them have been heard, and all get something in the end.
An assertive woman will hear you out when you talk about your needs, not just demand that her needs get met. She will be willing to meet you halfway to resolve the problem.
14. She speaks up for others.
Assertive women don’t just speak up for themselves; they speak up for others as well! They feel the need to protect others, and since they’re natural leaders, they sometimes speak for an entire community.
They are good listeners, which means that they make eye contact, don’t interrupt the person while they’re speaking, and repeat what they’ve heard to show that they’ve been listening. All this means that they care about other people’s needs, not just their own.
When someone else can’t speak up for themselves, you might find an assertive woman speaking up for them and demanding that their needs get met. Assuming the role of a leader and negotiating to come to a compromise comes naturally to these alpha females, so they always find a solution, for others, not just themselves.
15. She stays true to herself.
A woman who is assertive is also unapologetically herself in all situations. She stays true to herself and always cares about the things and people that mean the most to her.
She won’t pretend that she’s something she’s not or mask her true face to reach a goal. She loves herself and will show her true self in front of anyone.
Assertive women don’t walk on eggshells around anyone. They have strong personalities and always show their true colors and voice their genuine thoughts.
16. She is resilient.
Rest assured that this type of woman will get back on her feet every time she falls down. She’s got her eyes on the prize because she has set her goals, and she knows that there will be a few bumps on the road.
Taking risks is a part of achieving big things, and assertive people know this. They know that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail as long as you keep trying to succeed.
17. She’s not into people-pleasing.
Not everyone is going to like you when you set clear boundaries and stick to them, but an assertive woman doesn’t mind this. She knows you can’t please everyone, so she doesn’t even try to.
If she has to ruffle some feathers or disappoint people by staying firm to her boundaries, her values, and her opinions, then so be it.
18. She is happy in her own skin.
An assertive woman feels good in her own skin and in her own life. She loves herself and enjoys life to the fullest!
She’s not selfish, but she makes an effort to make herself happy. She doesn’t feel the need to change just so that she can please other people.
19. She shows herself love and respect.
Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you! Assertive women live by this motto and make an effort to show themselves love and respect—the same love and respect that they demand from others.
She speaks to herself with kindness and compassion and is her own cheerleader when required. She cares for herself—body, mind, and soul.
20. She is a good role model.
Ultimately, an assertive woman is a good role model for others. She embodies many traits that others can and should aspire to. She may even find herself coaching others and helping them on their own paths to assertiveness and confidence.
✅ Take action: Want to be more assertive but are struggling to do it by yourself?
We really recommend you speak to a therapist to get where you want to be. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to identify the reasons for your lack of assertiveness and provide tailored advice to get you to where you want to be.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
Many people lack assertiveness and most try to muddle through and either fake it or just hold back. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started. And get 10% off your first month when you sign up through this link.
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