If you adhere to the ideologies associated with Alpha, Beta, etc. traits in both male and female personalities, chances are you’ve been led to believe that an alpha female shows certain domineering and aggressive behaviors.
Alpha women have been described as being bossy, manipulative, sexually voracious, condescending, and emasculating, but those are usually traits exhibited by people who desperately want to be in control, but aren’t.
A real Alpha female may have a strong personality, but what makes her a leader, what inspires her diligence and tenacity, is a strong sense of self, and of purpose.
She Brings People Together
An Alpha woman may be the central “hub” in her social circle, and loves to connect people. In a group scenario, like a party or work conference, she will conduct the crowd around her like an orchestra. In any situation, she can find common ground, can calm tensions, inspire great conversation, and put those around her at ease.
You’ll be able to spot a true Alpha in any social setting, as everyone around her will keep looking in her direction for social cues.
She Stands Up For What She Believes In
A lot of people try to silence powerful women by insulting or threatening them, and this lady will have None Of That. She’s not the type to be arrogant or an insufferable know-it-all, but, rather, has a strong sense of justice and responsibility, and will not hold her tongue in the face of injustice.
This may have caused others to consider her “difficult,” but really it’s just that she isn’t a cowed, mindless, obedient sheep who’s happy to follow the rest of the flock. She knows her own mind, she has educated herself on the subjects that are important to her, and she will be proactive with issues that keep her inner fire burning.
You’ll often find Alpha women in community outreach programs, or various non-profit organizations that serve the greater good.
She Is Resilient
Life might have kicked her down a few times, but she has clawed her way back out of whatever situation she’s found herself in. She may have dealt with illness, injustice, abusive situations, poverty, or any other number of devastating setbacks, but she has persevered through it, and will again, if need be. Through it all, she will maintain a sense of purpose – even optimism – and she. will. not. give. up.
She Is Loyal To Her Tribe
If you have earned the love and loyalty of an Alpha female, you can rest assured that she considers that to be sacred. She will be protective of you, stand by your side when you need her, and will be there for you through thick and thin. If she makes a promise to you, the only reasons why she’d break that vow is if she’s either incapacitated, or deceased.
She may have many acquaintances, but the typical Alpha female only has a few very close friends whom she has allowed into the inner sanctum, so to speak. Although she can establish a rapport with just about anyone, as she treats all around her with respect and courtesy, she doesn’t trust easily. When someone has earned her trust, she’ll consider them to be “family” and will do just about anything for them.
Much like an alpha wolf female, she feels a strong sense of responsibility toward those in her pack. She’ll do what’s needed to keep them strong, healthy, and safe.
If a true Alpha female finds herself in a situation where she would have to set aside her principles in order to make other people happy, you can be sure she’ll put those expectations aside in order to maintain her self-respect. She won’t compromise her principles.
Similarly, she will conduct herself with a certain degree of dignity and grace. If she’s of a certain age, she’s unlikely to dress in her daughter’s clothes in an attempt to cling to youth, but will instead wear clothing that makes her feel beautiful and powerful.
This is a woman who will not stoop to ridiculous means of garnering another person’s attention: if said person isn’t putting in the time or the effort to know her, then so be it. They may regret their choices in time, they might not… but either way, she has put herself first. As it should be.
She Lives Her Own Truth
This woman may live an unconventional life that others may not understand, and is totally okay with that. Other people may whisper about her behind her back, condemn her for not making the same life choices that they did, mock her fashion choices, and generally just not understand how she can live the way she does… but their opinions are irrelevant. Her truth is her own. End of.
She Does Not Put Other Women Down
Some women who have been labeled as “Alphas” have a reputation for being cruel to others around them, particularly other women. They’re portrayed as being catty, judgmental creatures who’ll mock other women’s fashion choices and degrade their subordinates at the office just to prove that they are the boss.
A true Alpha has no use for such shallow nonsense.
She knows who she is and how she got there, and she’s far more likely to encourage those in whom she sees potential. She’ll move up the ladder soon enough, and when she does, she’d like competent, confident women to follow in her footsteps.
She knows damned well that the only time she’ll look down on someone is when she’s offering them a hand to help them up, and has absolutely no need to bolster her own self-confidence by trying to crush someone else’s.
She Refuses To Play Games
This goes along with the fact that she’ll speak her mind and express what she needs: she has absolutely no use for games, and will refuse to play them.
She has no patience for one-upmanship amongst her friends, power games at the office, or gossip, especially if it’s malicious. If someone’s trying to play hard to get in a relationship to get her to chase them, she’ll likely say “f*ck that,” get some take-out, and spend a night pampering herself.
She won’t engage in passive aggression, or attempts to make someone else jealous if she feels she’s not getting enough attention. She has no qualms about being very open and communicative about how she feels and what she needs, and expects others to behave with a similar level of maturity.
In a partnership – whether business or personal – she needs an equal. Not someone who’ll try to dampen her flames, nor someone who wants her to be a mother figure. She may have already run those gauntlets, learned from them, and said “never again.”
She Will Walk Away If Need Be
An Alpha woman who is true to herself and her own soul’s needs realizes that she is a maelstrom unto herself, and that she can walk away from anything if she needs to. A situation, a romance, a city… if she’s being mistreated or disrespected, she has no qualms about packing it in and walking away in order to be true to herself.
She may be a very strong, self-confident, and powerful person, but that doesn’t mean that she’s unfeeling or cruel. Being an Alpha is a nature/nurture balance: some women are born with these traits, while others develop them over the course of their lives.
However a woman evolved into a true Alpha female, be sure of this: she may be quite patient and tolerant for a while, but if you push her too far, not only will she walk away: she will ensure that there is no way in hell that you will follow her wherever she’s going.
If a woman is brash, domineering, demanding, or cruel to others, chances are she’s not a real Alpha at all. She’s likely an incredibly insecure person who’s hurting on many levels, and her deep-seated issues manifest in aggressive and disrespectful behavior, rather than authentic self-assurance.
Remember that small dogs snarl and bite and bark at those around them because they have pretty intense inferiority complexes.
Catherine Winter is a writer, art director, and herbalist-in-training based in Quebec's Outaouais. She has been known to subsist on coffee and soup for days at a time, and when she isn't writing or tending her garden, she can be found wrestling with various knitting projects and befriending local wildlife.