15 signs you’re a loner by choice (and you LOVE it)

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If you are someone who has actively chosen to spend most of their time alone, you will no doubt relate to most—if not all—of these things.

1. You go out of your way to avoid bumping into people you know.

You know those people who stop to chat with someone they pass in the street who they worked with years ago? You’re not one of them. Chances are, you actively avoid these interactions like the plague. If you spot someone in the distance, you probably cross over the street to avoid catching their gaze, or perhaps you pull out your phone and pretend you’re checking a message. It’s not that you’re rude, you just don’t see the point.

2. You don’t need to fill the silence.

Most people can’t cope with silence for longer than a few minutes. They need background noise around the clock to distract them from it, whether that’s a TV on that no one is watching or filling the void with inane chatter. Not you, though. You find peace and calm in silence and you’re not in any hurry to disturb that. When something or someone comes along and breaks the silence, it serves as a reminder of why you love being alone so much.

3. You don’t do small talk.

To a person who is happiest on their own, there’s nothing more painful than small talk. It’s not that you don’t like talking to people, period. There are some people you enjoy talking to, and you’re all for an in-depth, interesting discussion. But you see small talk as a means to fill the silence, and since you’re quite happy with silence, you don’t get why people do it.

4. You don’t do phone calls.

Who are those people who speak for hours on the phone with their friends or family? They’re like another species to you. The thought of having a phone conversation for anything other than arranging medical appointments fills you with horror. You’ve got no problems screening people’s calls, and you do so regularly. If it’s urgent, they’ll leave you a voicemail or send you a text.

5. You’ve got no problem saying ‘no’ to invites.

Over the years you’ve learned what works for you and what doesn’t, and you’re not going to pretend to be something you’re not. You’re not going to agree to things you have no desire or intention of attending. You’re a lone wolf, not a flake. You don’t feel compelled to make excuses or justify why you can’t make it. A simple, “Sorry, I won’t be there” suffices. 

6. You dread social events and are relieved when they’re over.

Inevitably, there will be some events you feel compelled to attend for the sake of your loved ones. You’re a human being, after all, not a soulless robot. When the situation demands a “Yes”, you step up and attend, but you don’t enjoy the run-up. You probably think about pulling out on more than one occasion, but you see it through. Chances are, you do have a good time, but you’re more than a little relieved when you’re back home and curled up in bed (and you won’t be agreeing to anything else for quite a few months).

7. You’re relieved when people cancel at the last minute.

On the occasions you do agree to go out and socialize, there’s nothing that gives you more joy than a cancellation, especially at short notice. It‘s like being granted a last-minute reprieve. The relief it brings is like a euphoric high. Suddenly you have a whole 3 hours spare that you can dedicate to one of your favorite pastimes. A clear-out of the sock drawer, maybe? Bliss.

8. You are selective.

For you, it’s all about quality over quantity. Because you’re happy on your own, you don’t feel you need to amass hundreds (or even tens) of friends to occupy every spare moment of your life. You’re very happy with your own company, so anyone who’s going to interrupt it needs to add real value. The people you do socialize with can rest assured they are truly special to you. You don’t give your time up for just anyone.

9. You don’t seek other’s approval

People who are socially driven are also driven to conform and people please, and as a result they seek approval and validation from others. Their constant worry about disappointing or letting down others means they live inauthentically and go along with things that make them miserable and unfulfilled. In contrast, you’re not worried about rejection or disapproval because you’re quite content with yourself. 

10. You do what makes you happy.

Being free from the chains of external validation means you’re able to live life your way. Unapologetically. It also means you’re a lot happier than those who destroy themselves trying to keep everyone else happy. You’re not selfish, far from it. You’re there when your loved ones need you, and you’ll make the necessary sacrifices and compromises, but you’re not going to live a life that doesn’t make you happy. And why should you?

11. You don’t waste time.

Because you’re not bound by social expectations, your time is yours, and yours alone, to use how you really want. A lot of people feel obligated to say yes to social events or to pick up the phone when it rings, not because they want to, but because they’re worried about the social repercussions if they don’t. As a result, they end up wasting valuable time and often feel resentment about not being free to do the things they truly want. Not you. You’re not selfish, but you know that time is precious, and you’re sure not going to waste it doing things out of obligation rather than desire.

12. You know yourself well.

When you spend as much time alone as you do, you get to know yourself well. Really well. Because you don’t feel the need to fill every second with noise and activity, you get used to sitting back and observing. And that includes observing yourself. You’ve learned what you like and what you don’t like and as we’ve discussed, you’re not afraid to own that.

13. You’re not afraid to enjoy your own company in public.

To some people, the thought of eating out alone, or taking a solo cinema trip is horrifying. They think people will assume they could only be doing that because they have no friends, which to them is the worst possible judgment a person could make. But you don’t care, because you chose this. (And of course, you do have friends, you just don’t want to go out with them right now.)

14. You feel rested and recharged on your own.

Probably one of the best things about being alone is how refreshing it can be. For someone who thrives in their own company, there’s nothing more exhausting than socializing. The constant noise, interactions, social rules, and expectations are like an energy vacuum. And the only solution is solitude. Of course, everyone needs some downtime, but your threshold for it is a lot lower.

15. You’re independent and proactive.

If you’re thriving on your own, there’s a reason for it. You get stuff done. Now. Whether you’ve learned this through a lifetime of self-sufficiency, or you’re alone because you’re a naturally independent and proactive person, who knows? But either way, you’re smashing it. You’ve probably taught yourselves a variety of skills to fix all manner of problems, and you’ve honed your decision-making abilities. You don’t need constant validation from others that you’re on the right track, and when things don’t go to plan you own it and face the challenge head-on. You’re confident in your abilities, and why wouldn’t you be?