Don’t Try To Change Him, He’ll Change Himself If He Loves You

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Every relationship will go through several stages. The first of these is a honeymoon period, when you learn much about each other. This is followed by an adaptation phase, when you begin to take the things that your partner does for you for granted. Later comes rejection and satiety, friendship, and love.

Not all relationships reach the last stages, however, and oftentimes it’s because you cannot overlook your partner’s shortcomings any longer. Even his good points can start irritating you. At such a time, you sincerely believe that they must change for the sake of you, their loved one, and of the relationship.

The day comes when you console yourself with memories of times when you laughed at the same things, fooled around together, spent days and weeks talking till the morning, went to the same concerts, and when the chemistry between you two was palpable. You still hope with all your heart that everything will come back if the character of your beloved changes.

So, does it make sense to change a man? Why do women need this? Why can’t you change him and what will be your actions in this case? Let us look at these questions below.

Why Does a Woman Want to Change a Man’s Nature?

Initially, the woman wants to do it only if she loves him. If an unloved man brings her discomfort, she simply breaks off relations with him.

There are several circumstances when the woman starts thinking about changing the man.

  1. Women love winners. It is an inherent feminine trait to fall for more successful men, and if you do not feel the inner power in your loved one, then you try to alter him.
  2. Your partner begins to bother you, there is a constant anxiety, and you catch yourself thinking: “Why should I tolerate it?” Then you become nervous, hysterical, and it affects the general climate in the relationship.
  3. When you don’t share common values, it is a problem. At the beginning, you get to know each other and enjoy the state of euphoria. When it comes time to talk about serious things and to learn each other’s priorities and values, sometimes it turns out that they do not match, and you will try to change the partner to avoid future conflicts.
  4. There are nuances in his character and behavior which you can’t accept. For instance, he doesn’t want commitment, you dream about kids while he doesn’t want them, or he puts work or friends before you.
  5. A woman compares her beloved to other men in her life and wants him to be as witty, attentive, and with the same sense of style as spouses of her friends.

Thereby, when a woman feels uncomfortable with a man, she demands changes. Often, she makes efforts to alter the partner, but eventually they turn out to be futile. She can’t understand why it this happens, because she sincerely believes that, for the sake of a loved one, everybody can change.

Why Don’t Men Leave Their Habits Behind?

The male nature is multifaceted, and it is impossible to pick out the universal reasons why they don’t want to (or cannot) alter the way they are in the relationship. After all, every man has a unique set of qualities. However, let’s try to highlight some of them:

  1. The thing is, women look at the world through the prism of love, compassion, and understanding; they are sentimental creatures. Men, on the other hand, are more even-tempered, but it doesn’t mean that they are less emotional. If you don’t know what is wrong with him, remember that he may assume that you exaggerate and that the situation is not as bad as you think. So, try to explain to him how you feel or what upsets you. It will help him to understand your emotions better.
  2. The man doesn’t see any sense in changing since the woman allows him to behave the way he wants. If the man treats her with disrespect, and she allows it, then he wants things to stay as they are.
  3. He will change himself if he loves you. For his beloved woman, the man creates a cozy atmosphere and fulfills all her desires and dreams. So, if he doesn’t eradicate his flaws, he might not see you as the woman with whom he’ll settle down in the long run.
  4. He defies you after you drive him crazy! Many women are too obsessed with this idea; they put too much pressure on their partners and are murmuring constantly: “Get a new job, lose weight, don’t wear this jacket, stay at home, don’t meet with friends.” They are playing on the man’s nerves, and that is why he doesn’t listen.
  5. Think it over; maybe you’re in a one-sided relationship; your partner is apathetic and does not want to develop things further. If so, he is unlikely to change.
  6. If you’re putting him down all the time, it won’t work. Be fair, and if he’s not good enough for you, just move on. Don’t destroy his self-esteem.
  7. Women may treat their men like children. In this case, they’ll be even more stubborn and cling to their nasty habits.
  8. A girlfriend shows disregard and disrespect and hopes to train her boyfriend – this is a mistake! People should be equal in a healthy relationship and you shouldn’t turn it into a training camp.
  9. Sometimes a woman ignores her underlying problems and focuses on the drawbacks of her Mr. Right. Thus, if the man sees that the woman doesn’t want to change either her character or behavior, he will also have no desire to get rid of his flaws.
  10. After reversing the roles, he realizes that the woman doesn’t want him to change her, so why should he do it alone?
  11. Providing that the female has forced her man into a corner, it’ll be better for him to leave her. Note that this behavior pushes men away.
  12. The man doesn’t feel comfortable because the woman isn’t polite with him, and her actions put a strain on the relationship.

Therefore, much depends on the woman, so make your expectations clear. Men don’t understand what was said or hinted in a roundabout way. Moreover, keep in mind that you are not a child, and the man isn’t tasked with fostering you, so before demanding changes, become the best version of yourself.

What Should The Woman Do?

There are two options for the woman who cannot stand parts of the man’s character.

The first one is to forget about principles and to accept the man with all his pluses and minuses. If you are head over heels in love, then be ready to make concessions. The thing you should accept is that it is fine to be different; your interests, goals, and characters make the relationship unique.

The alternative is to end the relationship if it doesn’t bring you joy. If you and your partner are incompatible and relations are not worth fighting for, then don’t be a victim; search for something better, because every woman deserves to be happy!

On balance, if the relationship hasn’t worked out, don’t despair; there’s nothing wrong with you. It is not your obligation to be a mentor, to mother your boyfriend, or to heal emotional trauma, you are worthy of feeling relaxed and happy.

Whatever you do, the man will listen to your advice only if you are crazy about him, and these feelings are mutual, so let the phrase: “Don’t force him to change, inspire him instead” become your motto.

Still not sure how to deal with an imperfect partner? If things are challenging in your relationship right now, it might help the situation to speak to a trained relationship counselor who can offer guidance and support through whatever you are dealing with. You don’t have to go through this alone. So why not chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Andrew Guerra likes to share his thoughts with the people around. His writing on motivation, love, relationship has appeared to make our life better. You can find his work on his website.