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I don’t think anyone from their twenties upwards, regardless of gender, can put their hand on their heart and honestly say the thought hasn’t crossed their mind.
They’d be lying if they said they’ve never experienced a moment of worry that they might never find love.
For some lucky people, it might just be that, a fleeting moment that passes them by.
For some of us, however, this topic can weigh pretty heavily on our minds, particularly as time marches on by and there’s no sign of Mr or Ms Right on the horizon.
We ask “why can’t I find love?” or “why doesn’t anyone love me?” or “will I ever find true love?”
Or we think/say things like “I can’t get a date to save my life” and “I can’t get a boyfriend/girlfriend.”
These thoughts are natural given the society we live in. In most cultures, forming long-term monogamous relationships is what’s expected of us. We’re conditioned from day one to think that our one aim in life should be partnering off and settling down.
But we also know, deep down, that romantic love isn’t and shouldn’t be the be all and end all of life.
There are so many reasons to be optimistic. Optimistic that someone will come along when the time is right; optimistic that you’ll have a great time until they do; and optimistic that if they don’t, you’ll be just fine.
You already know all of the reasons below, but a little reminder of them now and again can’t hurt. Here are a just a few reasons to believe your glass is definitely half full.
1. Age doesn’t matter.
You might well roll your eyes at this one, but it’s true! Age is just a number and has absolutely no effect on your ability to meet someone. Simple as that. Moving on.
2. There’s no such thing as ‘The One.’
Yes, I’m going there. I’m a firm believer that there being only one person in the world with whom we could ever be happy is a complete myth, constructed to make us all panic, get into the box that’s been made for us and conform to society’s norms.
If you’ve ever been in love, you’ll know that it’s easy to feel like the object of your affections is the only person in the world for you, and that you have no chance of ever being happy with anyone else.
That’s mostly thanks to the hormones that rage inside you when you’re in love, and as you’ll all well know, hormones can make you pretty crazy.
Think about it logically, though. There are over seven billion people in this world. Sure, you (probably) aren’t attracted to one of the sexes, and age will mean a good chunk of those people are either too old or too young. Even so, you’re still looking at half a billion options, at least.
That’s an extremely large ocean with one hell of a lot of fish in it.
There isn’t just ONE of those fish that you could possibly be happy with. People just aren’t that special and that individual, I hate to break it to you.
Stop thinking of looking for love like looking for a needle in a haystack, and you’ll be much more open to finding it where you’d least expect.
3. You’re growing every day.
A huge reason for optimism is that with every day you’re single, you get to know yourself a little better. It gives you time to accept yourself and figure out the kind of life you really want to live.
That means you’ve got a better chance of eventually picking a partner that’s actually right for you in the long term, if and when they come along.
Every day that you’re able to grow lessens your chances of throwing in your lot with the wrong person and getting swept up in a relationship that you wouldn’t get caught up in or seduced by if you were just a little older and wiser.
Better alone than in poor company, after all.
4. You’ve got high standards.
If you’re worried about the fact you’ll never find love, then chances are your high standards have got something to do with your single status.
Never lower them. Too many people settle for something they’re not really sure about, just because they don’t want to be alone.
Knowing your worth and not settling for anything less than the best is the basis for a fulfilled life, whether or not a partner features in it.
5. You’re free.
Take a look at your friends that are in relationships. Are they all blissfully happy? Thought not.
The grass is always greener, and as much as single people spend time dreaming about being in a relationship, those that are coupled-up often miss the freedom of the single life, so enjoy it.
This is your time. The time when you eat exactly what you want, go where you want when you want with who you want, and don’t have to take anyone else into account.
Sure, you might have other commitments in the shape of children, pets, or a business, but if you’ve got no ties then make the most of it. Spread your wings, change jobs, take a trip.
Who knows, you might just be looking for love in the wrong place.
6. It’s not over.
This is not the end. This is not where you’re ending up.
There are friends you’re yet to meet, places you’re yet to see, and life-changing experiences on their way that you can’t even imagine right now.
Not being tied to a romantic partner means that the possibilities are infinite.
There are great loves to come in your life, whether romantic or platonic. You might even learn to be the love of your own life.
7. You’re already complete.
The phrase ‘other half’ needs to be confined to the lexical-dustbin.
The idea that you’re only half a person until someone comes along to ‘complete’ you is completely ridiculous, and realizing that can be pretty revolutionary.
You’re already a complete person, and if there’s a gap in your life, then you’re the only one that can fill it. No one else.
8. Everyone deserves love – yes, that includes you!
Some people think that they’ll never find love because they don’t deserve to find love.
I’m happy to tell you that you’re wrong.
You deserve to find love just as much as anybody else. And once you realize this fact, it can lift a weight from your shoulders and set you on the path to love and romance.
You see, as long as you have this nagging doubt that you are somehow unworthy of being loved by a another person, you won’t be open to the possibilities of love that pass your way.
You may well have met people in the past who could have been one of the big loves of your life (perhaps the permanent big love of your life), but because you couldn’t see this as a possibility, you didn’t act upon it.
Just remember, then, that you do deserve love, and keep your eyes peeled for every opportunity to make that love a reality.
9. You can increase your chances of finding love.
Love never just falls into your lap one day. Sure, you might meet a seemingly compatible person by chance, but even that is only the first step on a journey to love.
But you don’t have to wait for those chance meetings to take place. You can proactively get out there and meet people of your own accord.
And, sure, you may well have tried that already. But you’ve got to keep trying. You can’t give up on finding love just because you’ve been on 100 unsuccessful dates. Date number 101 might be the start of a lifetime of love and care.
Dating apps, speed dating events, social groups… heck, even hitting a bar and chatting to a few strangers – the more you put yourself out there, the greater the chance you’ll meet someone who could eventually become your partner.
You can’t passively sit and wait for love to happen. It won’t.
You have to take control of your love life, spin the wheel again and again until it eventually lands on love.
10. Physical attractiveness is not a requirement for love.
You may believe that you are not good looking enough for someone else to find you attractive. And that because no one finds you attractive, you won’t find love.
Again, it falls to me to tell you how wrong you are.
Physical attractiveness is not the be all and end all of life, nor of love. People of all shapes, sizes, and looks find love. There is no barrier here but the one in your mind.
The physical side of things is only one part of the overall package of attraction, and not even the most important part. A person’s personality, their intelligence, their values, their sense of humor – these are what keep a relationship going in the long term.
Stop placing so much importance on looks – yours and theirs. Look beyond the surface to what really matters.
11. Other people want to see you happy – let them help you.
I promise you, there are plenty of people in this world who want to see you happy and in love.
Whether that’s your family or your friends, they all want you to experience the love that they know you deserve.
Never forget that they are here to help you find love. They are your wingmen and wingwomen – sometimes in the flesh, but most importantly in the support and encouragement they provide.
Being optimistic about finding love will come a lot more naturally if you lean on other people and listen to what they are telling you – namely that you will find it if you keep searching.
Ask them to help you with your small talk, your dating chat, your confidence, your dating profiles, your date outfits even.
Ask them to set you up with friends or people they know.
Ask them to give you a little push now and again if you feel like giving up on love.
Let them be your cheerleaders and you’ll no longer feel scared of never finding love.
12. Your fear can motivate you.
If you’re reading this article, you are feeling fear – a fear that you will never find love.
Perhaps the turning point for you will be to realize that fear can be used to push your forward just as powerfully as it can be used to hold you back.
It’s just a matter of turning the fear around.
Instead of fearing that you’ll never find love, what you should fear is that inaction will cause possible loves to pass by.
This new fear will actually make you brave. It will give you that little push you need to say hello, start a conversation, tell a joke, flirt a little, make a move, and do all of the other things that go into forming a loving relationship with someone.
Don’t look back at the “what if?” moments and people from your past. Look at the “what if?” moments and people in your present and take action to find out what could happen if you say something, do something, try something.
At the very least, you won’t have any more “what if?” moments of potential regret to look back on because you would have answered the question already.
13. You can shape your own life.
Imagine for a moment you could look into the future and know for sure that you’re never going to find love.
How would you do things differently? Would you give more of your love to family and friends? Would you aim to live on every continent? Would you go back to your studies? Would you take more risks?
We never stop and realize how the idea that we’re eventually going to meet someone and will then have to accommodate their needs is a limitation on us… before we’ve even met them.
When you analyze it, it seems insane that we’re willing to live our lives just waiting for that mythical person to come along, planning ahead for it.
With the certainty that we’ll end up alone, rather than just the fear of it, comes the ultimate liberation.
Live your life as if romantic love will never be a part of it, and you’ll be being true to yourself and what you really want.
Of course, there’s no crystal ball we can look into, but living your life as if you’re never going to find love means that if you don’t, you’ll have done amazing things.
And if you do meet someone, you’ll choose them for the right reasons, because of what they can add to your life (and you won’t let them take anything away from it).
Do Some People Never Find Love?
The honest answer: yes, a proportion of the population will go through life without ever experiencing a truly loving relationship.
Does this mean you should panic? No.
You may be worried that you’ll end up as one of these people, alone and miserable for your entire life.
But if you’ve actually read this article (and if you haven’t, scroll up and do it now), you’ll realize that love is not the be all and end all and single life has its upsides.
And besides, many people feel like they’ll never find love… until they do. You don’t know when it will happen. It’s not something you can accurately predict.
You just have to remain open to the possibility instead of accepting your life as loveless.
And if you’ve found this article after recently coming out of a relationship, you may feel like you’ll never find love again. Only… you did it once; what’s to stop you doing so again?
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