Nobody likes to receive criticism. After all, it means that we’ve made a mistake, and that doesn’t just make us feel incompetent — it can actually cause a strong psychological response that puts us into “fight-or-flight” mode.
And as you can imagine, this can cause dramatic reactions that aren’t aligned with our sincere selves.
There are ways to make taking criticism easier, however, and eradicating the following is a great place to start.
Because if you’re doing them, you’re making it much more difficult to accept criticism and cultivate the growth that can unfold from it.
1. Aligning your ego with your actions and opinions.
A lot of people have difficulty separating what they do from who they are. This is particularly true if they put a lot of effort into a particular endeavor.
They’ll end up seeing that endeavor as an extension of themselves, and as such, will end up seeing any criticism as a personal attack rather than a correction.
It’s important to remember that if someone criticizes work that you’ve done, they aren’t condemning you as a person.
They’re showing you where you fell short of the mark, and are likely offering you advice as to how to improve.
This isn’t “hate.” They don’t dislike you, and they aren’t attacking your character. If you take it as such, you’ll miss out on the opportunity to improve in the future.
2. Being reactionary by criticizing them back.
Small children who haven’t yet learned how to regulate their emotions are notorious for punishing those who hurt them — including inanimate objects.
Many a toddler has smacked a table for causing them pain after they ran into it, for example, or called their parent a poop-head for telling them to pick up their toys.
Unfortunately, some adults react similarly, too, and it both hinders growth and damages relationships.
For example, if a person offers you some criticism, you may feel hurt by their words and experience an instant, knee-jerk reaction to retaliate so they feel hurt as well.
Rather than taking time to digest what was said rationally, and acknowledging truths of the situation as you do so, you may simply react to the discomfort you feel about being criticized, not the criticism itself.
3. Not keeping a competitive nature in check.
A knee-jerk reaction that many people have when criticized is to immediately focus on something they know they do better than the person who upset them. This is a type of self-defense mechanism to protect their sense of personal worth and value.
For example, I knew a guy years ago who was highly focused on bodybuilding and other types of athleticism.
When anyone criticized anything he did, regardless of what it was related to, his immediate response was to ask them how much they could bench press, or how far they ran that day.
Since they invariably couldn’t do as much as he could, physically, he used that feeling of superiority to prove that he was “right” and therefore above critique in any other field.
4. Questioning your entire sense of self-worth.
We all make mistakes at times. That doesn’t mean we’re incompetent in every aspect of our lives, nor does it mean that our character is inherently flawed.
It simply means that there’s something about the way we do things that could use improvement.
If you have perfectionist tendencies, however, or have always had your sense of self-worth tied to your capability, then a critique can feel like an attack on everything about yourself that you hold dear.
Furthermore, if you’ve always relied on external validation for your self-esteem, then receiving any less-than-stellar feedback might trigger you into a spiral of insecurity.
5. Getting defensive.
Another thing that many people do when they’re criticized is to get defensive about the act of criticism itself, rather than what the other person is trying to convey.
For example, let’s say your employer critiques your work. Instead of listening to the changes they’re suggesting so you can improve, you might accuse them of always picking on you or creating a hostile work environment.
Some people learn that if they turn the criticism around and intensify it with an uncomfortable accusation, the one criticizing them will backtrack and apologize or fix the issue themselves.
It’s a means of regaining personal power, but they lose the potential for personal evolution in the process.
6. Justifying it.
A person who’s criticized and doesn’t like or agree with the criticism will often try to justify their mistake instead of accepting it.
They might double down on shoddy work, or turn the blame around towards the person who’s critiquing them. This is often referred to as blame-shifting.
If we use the work example mentioned above, an employee who gets criticized for making an error at work may turn it around and blame the project manager for giving them vital information later than expected.
Or they might blame the design team for having to make too many edits on the PowerPoint visuals.
Essentially, this person is absolving themselves of any personal responsibility by using other people’s mistakes to justify their own.
7. Refusing to accept criticism from someone who’s done the same thing (or made a similar error).
There isn’t a person on the planet who has never made a single mistake in their lives.
Each of us is a product of our own experience, and that has invariably included problems that earned criticism in order to improve or correct them.
As a result, the experience we’ve accrued over the years may offer us insights as to what others are doing wrong, or should be doing.
Problems arise, however, when a person refuses to accept criticism from someone they know who has also made mistakes — either in the same vein, or in some other way they’re aware of.
One phrase that often arises is: “When you’re perfect, you can correct me.”
This effectively weaponizes the idea of taking the beam out of your own eye before addressing someone else’s splinter. It implies that only a person whose life has been pristine and utterly perfect can correct you in any way, shape, or form.
And that’s just impossible.
8. Pulling rank.
Just because a person has been doing something for a long time, that doesn’t mean they’re doing it correctly.
Similarly, just because a person earned a degree in a particular field 30 years ago, that doesn’t mean that they’re up to date on new data or developments.
Yet if someone criticizes something you’ve done, or has told you that you’re wrong about a subject you feel you’re an expert in, you may feel inclined to pull rank to shut them up.
What they’ve said probably made you uncomfortable or angry, or even made you doubt yourself, so pulling the older and wiser card might feel like an effective way to regain power and control in the situation.
But going this route eliminates the opportunity for you to grow as an individual. Furthermore, it shows those around you that you’re more interested in remaining top dog than being open to new information or alternative approaches.
Just because you’ve been doing this thing for 30 years longer than the other person, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a new, more effective way of doing it. Similarly, the information that was relevant 30 years (or even 30 days) ago may be outdated or even disproven by more recent research.
9. Giving up entirely.
Some people respond to criticism with the extreme reaction of giving up on it completely.
They’ll decide that since they’ve done something wrong, the only way to ensure that they won’t screw up again is by quitting it forever.
That way, they’ll never run the risk of having to deal with the discomfort of criticism ever again.
This is essentially biting off your nose to spite your face, because the person who has offered you (hopefully constructive) criticism isn’t going to experience any negativity by you throwing in the towel.
It’s only you who’ll suffer the consequences of your actions.
This endeavor or skill might have been something you’ve wanted to do for a really long time, and that you’ll miss terribly if you place pride ahead of personal growth.
Final thoughts…
When and if you find yourself responding in a less-than-ideal manner upon receiving criticism, take a moment to think about the times when you’ve criticized others.
Chances are high that when you’ve offered a correction or constructive criticism, it’s because you knew there was room for improvement and offered your input in that regard — you weren’t attacking the individual in question, nor were you implying that they were terrible.
Now turn that experience around, with you on the receiving end.
Yes, receiving criticism is hard, but there’s always room for personal growth, so don’t let your ego prevent you from experiencing it.
