Nobody wants to open up a new message and have to spend ages thinking of a response.
A short text that is light and to the point works best of all. Questions, as we’ll discuss shortly, are invaluable tools and opening with one is often a good idea.
Ask them for a Netflix recommendation (or comment on one they have already given you).
Ask them if they’ve got any concerts lined up in the near future.
Ask whether they are going to a particular party that’s coming up.
Depending on how you know them, ask about something that happened at school, college, work, or other event.
If you don’t text this person regularly, don’t begin with a “How are you?” text. They won’t know how to respond and the conversation is unlikely to get very far.
Remember, being specific in your text allows them to be specific in theirs and makes it less effort on their part to respond.
Take Your Time
Don’t rush things! The beauty of texting is that you have a bit of a buffer.
You don’t need to respond immediately and nobody can see the panic on your face if you’re put on the spot.
Think through your responses and remember that you’re not under any pressure.
Relationships take a while to build in real life as well as over text, so don’t expect a miracle overnight.
Take your time and find things you share, mutual friends you can talk about (in a good way), or similar beliefs and interests.
It might take a little while to find some common ground, but, if things are meant to be, you’ll get there.
You obviously like this person for some reason, so use that as a way in.
It might be that you like their taste in music or they’ve been on a similar holiday to you – use this as a basis for conversation and, in time, it’ll begin to flow naturally.
Imagine you’re having a conversation in real-time. Act as interested as you would if this were a face-to-face conversation.
Come up with good responses that show you want to be part of this interaction.
Interaction is the key word here – ask questions and follow up when they get back to you.
Most people enjoy feeling as though they’re interesting. Someone wanting to know your opinions is very flattering, so give them an ego boost, and keep the conversation going, by asking what they think.
Think about what you’d want to be asked if the roles were reversed.
Use their responses as guidance for how you behave. If they’re closed off about some topics, it’s wise to steer clear of these!
If they seem keen, keep going. Be as enthusiastic as you can and express your genuine interest.
Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.