Texting someone you fancy can be pretty daunting, so it’s no wonder you feel like you need a bit of help to get things going.
How do you start a conversation over text?
How do you keep things flowing?
When should you give up?
These are our top tips when it comes to taking your texting game to the next level…
1. Make It Natural
If you’re texting someone in the hope that it might lead somewhere, it’s important to be yourself.
There’s no point pretending to be someone else over text if you’re going to act completely different in person!
You are wonderful as you are, so relax into it and let yourself enjoy getting to know someone – and letting them get to know you.
Use phrases you’d use normally. It can be really tempting to start using ‘cooler’ expressions to give off the vibe that you’re a slightly different version of yourself.
Steer clear of doing this and just be yourself.
That way, you can always respond honestly and won’t need to worry about keeping up an act.
It also means that you’ll be authentic and you’ll speak the same way if and when you do meet up.
2. Start Light And Short
When you want to initiate a conversation over text, make your first text something light and keep it short.
You might eventually want to ask a question to really get them thinking and the conversation flowing, but don’t start with it.
Nobody wants to open up a new message and have to spend ages thinking of a response.
A short text that is light and to the point works best of all. Questions, as we’ll discuss shortly, are invaluable tools and opening with one is often a good idea.
Ask them for a Netflix recommendation (or comment on one they have already given you).
Ask them if they’ve got any concerts lined up in the near future.
Ask whether they are going to a particular party that’s coming up.
Depending on how you know them, ask about something that happened at school, college, work, or other event.
If you don’t text this person regularly, don’t begin with a “How are you?” text. They won’t know how to respond and the conversation is unlikely to get very far.
Remember, being specific in your text allows them to be specific in theirs and makes it less effort on their part to respond.
3. Take Your Time
Don’t rush things! The beauty of texting is that you have a bit of a buffer.
You don’t need to respond immediately and nobody can see the panic on your face if you’re put on the spot.
Think through your responses and remember that you’re not under any pressure.
Relationships take a while to build in real life as well as over text, so don’t expect a miracle overnight.
Take your time and find things you share, mutual friends you can talk about (in a good way), or similar beliefs and interests.
It might take a little while to find some common ground, but, if things are meant to be, you’ll get there.
You obviously like this person for some reason, so use that as a way in.
It might be that you like their taste in music or they’ve been on a similar holiday to you – use this as a basis for conversation and, in time, it’ll begin to flow naturally.
4. Ask Questions
Imagine you’re having a conversation in real-time. Act as interested as you would if this were a face-to-face conversation.
Come up with good responses that show you want to be part of this interaction.
Interaction is the key word here – ask questions and follow up when they get back to you.
Most people enjoy feeling as though they’re interesting. Someone wanting to know your opinions is very flattering, so give them an ego boost, and keep the conversation going, by asking what they think.
Think about what you’d want to be asked if the roles were reversed.
Use their responses as guidance for how you behave. If they’re closed off about some topics, it’s wise to steer clear of these!
If they seem keen, keep going. Be as enthusiastic as you can and express your genuine interest.
Avoid controversial subjects, of course!
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5. Keep It Open
Don’t narrow down the conversation to one specific topic too soon. You’ll run out of things to say about that particular thing, so keep things relatively open and light to begin with.
It’s good to get to know each other in general, so keep things varied.
Of course, once you find common ground, it’s worth maximizing on that and continuing down that line!
Shared interests are a great way to bond, so if things are going well, you can keep at it.
By covering a range of topics, you’ll quickly be able to identify things you have in common.
Talk about anything and everything, from the latest documentary you watched to your favorite cuisine or travel destination.
This is a good way to bond in general, and you’ll be able to form a long-lasting closeness with your crush.
Of course, as mentioned above, go for common ground if you already know enough about them.
6. You Get Back What You Give
It’s all too easy to expect your crush to be just as keen as you to get stuck into a meaty conversation!
But they may have other things on their mind or simply be busy at the time.
So the more you show interest and keep going with it, the more likely they are to engage with you back.
It might feel a bit wobbly to start with, but things will come through if you give it time and keep putting effort into it.
Single word responses will only prompt other single word responses, so don’t be afraid of being keen and sending a few messages at once.
Remember, if nothing else, you’ll end up with a good friend!
7. Don’t Be Scared To Flirt
Sending flirty texts is a good way to show that you’re interested in something beyond just friendship.
Don’t be scared to let your crush know that you find them attractive, without making it weird, of course!
Pay them some compliments, send a few cute emojis and see where things go.
If things feel a bit uncomfortable or you sense that they’re not very interested, back off.
You’ll pick up on this vibe very quickly, even over text, so just pay attention and take a step back if needed.
8. Take It To The Next Level
Things don’t develop overnight, so be patient.
If you think there is genuinely something between you and your crush, you can keep at it.
Be careful of boundaries, of course, and be mindful of keeping things comfortable for both of you.
Let it grow naturally, but don’t be afraid to take it to the next step!
Suggest meeting up for a coffee or something neutral – daytime is the best for a first date.
Go somewhere public so that you both feel comfortable and so that there are distractions around you. People-watching is perfect for any awkward silences!
If you’re not feeling overly confident, invite them along to a group hangout instead.
There’s less pressure this way and you’ll show a really nice version of yourself to your crush. They’ll get to see you chilling out, relaxing, and having fun, which is always very attractive.
Again, there’ll be plenty of distractions if you do start to get a bit nervous.
9. Follow Up
Don’t be scared to text after seeing someone. There’s nothing nicer than getting home and seeing a text that says the person you were with had a good time.
It’s also nice to make sure the person got home safely after you hung out.
These kinds of messages show that you care and that you’re still interested.
Playing it cool works sometimes, but so does “I had a great time with you, when can I see you again?”
Let them know you enjoy their company and we can pretty much guarantee you a second date…
10. Learn When To Let It Go
This article is all about reaching out to your crush, but, as always, we strongly believe in boundaries.
If you’re not getting the vibe that they are interested in anything beyond friendship, it’s time to let it go and move on.
Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable or pressured into anything, so respect what’s going on and take a step back and give them some space.
Worst comes to worst, you’ve made a good friend from the experience and you’ve probably had some fun along the way as well.