When we desperately want something to be true, it can be very easy to convince ourselves that it is.
When you like a guy, there are always going to be little things here and there that you can interpret as signs that he likes you back…
…even if there are far more warning signs telling you the opposite!
And, you’ve probably got some lovely, supportive friends who tell you you’re right.
When you tell your mates about a conversation you’ve had with a guy you like, they’re likely to tell you that yes, that eye contact he gave you does mean that there’s something between you.
Mostly because your friends think you’re awesome, and can’t understand why anyone else would think otherwise.
With the help of our friends, we’re pretty good at convincing ourselves that there’s something there with a guy even when it’s blindingly obvious that he’s not into you.
It’s our way of staying firmly inside our hopeful bubble, because we think that’s the best place to be.
Whilst we’re there, things are pretty exciting, if a bit stressful and very up and down.
And we think that holding onto hope means that there’s still a chance that things could happen with the guy we like.
But I’m here to tell you that that bubble isn’t the best place for you to be.
In fact, the sooner you can burst that bubble and get back down to earth, the more likely you are to open your eyes to the other amazing guys around you, and stop wasting your time and energy worrying about a guy who’s not interested.
So, if you’re looking for a wake-up call, you’ve found it.
This might sound like tough love in places, but that’s just what you need to stop spending hours analyzing his text messages and move on with your life.
Read on for 18 clear signs that he’s not into you, and that it’s time to say goodbye.
1. He never contacts you first.
When we like someone, we all try to play it cool, but most of us tend to fail, whether male or female.
If he likes you, he’ll be really keen to talk to you, whenever he’s got a spare minute.
If he likes you, you’ll be on his mind, and he’ll want to know if he’s on yours.
But if it’s always you who’s making contact first, that’s a sign that whilst he’s happy to chat to you if you initiate things, he’s not keen enough to reach out to you.
2. He makes you wait.
Okay, so there’s always a chance that he might just be deluded enough to think that ‘playing it cool’ is going to work, and that if he waits three days before returning your texts, you won’t be able to resist his charms.
And there might be all kinds of other excuses.
But, basically, if he’s consistently trying to play hard to get by waiting for hours or days before responding to your messages, even when he’s read them, he probably just doesn’t want to talk to you all that much.
3. He cancels repeatedly.
If the two of you are dating, then the odd cancellation is legitimate.
If he tells you his parrot has died or his grandmother is sick or he’s got a cold, then believe him.
Sometimes, life does get crazy, and we don’t have the time to see people, no matter how much we’d like to.
But if he’s cancelling on you repeatedly and not making sure to reschedule for the very next possible opportunity, that’s a big warning sign that you should be running for the hills.
4. He blows hot and cold.
One minute he seems super interested in you and is really affectionate, and the next he’s just not.
Chances are that the keen moments occur when he’s feeling lonely or insecure, and when he’s back on an even keel you’ve served your purpose, until the next time his ego needs massaging.
If he’s trying to repeatedly pick you up and drop you, he’s not the one for you.
5. You’re always the one making plans.
Just as you’re always the one texting him first, you’re always the one to suggest that the two of you should do something together.
He’s happy to agree if he’s not got other plans, but he’s not going to make an effort to organize things with you or think of ideas for dates you might enjoy.
6. He’s a flirt.
If he’s charmed you with his flirting skills and confidence, chances are he wouldn’t be shy about asking you out or telling you how he felt about you.
So, if he’s not doing either of those things, you’re safe to assume that he was just flirting with you, without any intention of taking it any further.
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7. He’s never shown a shred of jealousy.
Now of course, the last thing you want is to get involved with a jealous and possessive man. The type that’s going to try to control you, or is incapable of trusting you. Just no.
But, a little bit of jealousy here and there is a very good sign.
After all, if you see a guy you’re dating speaking to another woman or hear him mention an ex, you’re probably going to feel at least a little bit jealous.
If you want to test the waters to see if he’s into you or not, you could try mentioning that you’re going for lunch with your best guy friend, and see what his reaction is.
8. He breadcrumbs you.
Breadcrumbing is when a person doesn’t really like you, but still wants to have someone around for moments when they need company. They want someone on the back burner.
An excellent example of this is if he tends to watch your Instagram stories or like your posts online to make sure that you’re still thinking about him, with minimum effort on his part, whilst never actually properly getting in touch with you.
9. You don’t get his full attention.
When you’re together, he’s always got one eye on his phone or is looking over your shoulder at the pretty waitress.
Everyone can seem distracted now and again if they’ve got something big going on in their life taking up their head space.
But if they consistently don’t seem to really be in the room when you’re together, you can safely conclude that you’re not a priority for him.
10. You haven’t met each other’s friends.
He has neither bothered to introduce you to anyone that’s important to him or made an effort to meet any of your best friends.
If he seems to make an effort to keep you separate from his friends and hasn’t shown any curiosity to meet the mates that you’re constantly telling stories about, he’s probably not planning on getting serious.
11. You can’t think of any nice things he’s done for you.
If you like him, I’m willing to bet that you’ve already made countless little gestures that would prove it to him, if he was open to them.
But he’s not, and he hasn’t reciprocated. If you sit down and think about it, you can’t think of one nice thing that he’s ever gone out of his way to do for you.
12. You don’t really know anything about him.
If he hasn’t opened up to you at all, that’s not a good sign. He keeps conversation superficial, and you’re yet to see any cracks in his armor.
13. And he doesn’t really know anything about you.
He doesn’t know anything about you because he hasn’t asked. Because he’s not interested.
He doesn’t remember the things you’ve volunteered about yourself, either.
Conversation tends to be pretty banal and focused around him, with him expressing no interest in your day or life events.
14. He’s asked you for dating advice about other women.
This one should be fairly self-explanatory, but if he’s asking you for tips on his love life, he’s not interested in you.
Trust me, he’s not just trying to make you jealous. You are well and truly in the friend zone.
15. He’s told you that he’s not looking for a relationship.
Yes, I know, people sometimes aren’t looking for relationships but suddenly meet the one and fall in love anyway.
But that doesn’t happen very often. More often than not, if he’s not looking for a relationship, it doesn’t matter how amazing you are, you’re not going to change his mind.
Other warning signs are if he tells you that he just wants to see where things go, or that he’s focusing on his career right now, or that he wants to work on your friendship before taking things to the next level, blah, blah blah.
He might even believe that this stuff is true, but if he really liked you then none of that would matter that much.
16. Your relationship is pretty much entirely based on sex.
You never see each other if sex isn’t involved. Most of your interactions occur late at night. And, the sex is pretty centered on his needs, not on yours.
17. You couldn’t turn to him if you needed help.
You wouldn’t feel comfortable reaching out to him if you were in a tricky situation and needed a helping hand.
18. You just know it.
If something deep down inside you is telling you that he doesn’t like you like that, then he probably doesn’t like you like that.
Don’t squash those feelings down. Listen to what your gut is trying to tell you, and move on before you get hurt.
It’s probably not going to be easy, but in a few months you’ll look back and thank god you didn’t waste any more of your energy on him, and find it hard to remember what you ever liked about him anyway.