Has time run out for your relationship?
Is it beyond saving?
Would you and your partner be better off parting ways?
These are questions many people will ask when a relationship hits a rough patch.
To help you answer such questions, here are some signs that indicate things are simply not working.
That way, you’ll know when your relationship is really over.
1. You’ve tried to work through your problems.
The position you find yourself in has not come about suddenly. You’ve been struggling for a while.
In fact, you’ve already gone down the road of having a big heart-to-heart to air your feelings and grievances.
Perhaps you’ve even tried relationship counseling.
You’ve given it enough time for these things to work, but they haven’t.
One or both of you just don’t seem to be able to change in the ways that are necessary.
2. You feel lonely in their company.
When you are with your partner, you don’t feel the loving, caring bond anymore.
It’s quite the opposite: you feel lonely.
Even though you are both in the same room, you might as well be on opposite sides of the planet for all the connection you have.
3. You don’t really talk.
Not proper talk, anyway.
You might still go through the motions of asking how each other’s day was, but you barely listen to the answers.
You don’t have a great deal of interest in what’s going on their life, and you certainly don’t talk about the deeper, more personal, more important things.
4. You’ve stopped doing “your” things.
Once upon a time, you would always do certain things together.
Friday night would be pizza and a movie whilst curled up on the couch.
You would go to concerts together or go on long walks in nature.
These things have long since vanished from your regular routine.
You may even seek out others to do them with instead.
5. You don’t miss them when they’re not around.
Gone are the days when you would think about your partner whenever you were apart.
You could now quite easily spend an entire weekend away from them and not have them cross your mind once.
You don’t miss them one bit. In fact, you feel a sense of relief when they’re not around.
6. Little things regularly annoy you.
We all have our flaws and our bad habits, and we all like to do things in our own particular way.
When your relationship was good, these things didn’t really bother you. You cut your partner some slack because you were well aware of your own shortcomings.
But now they have begun to really irritate you.
You can no longer overlook the dirty bowl left on the side, the sound they make when they chew their food, or the way they are always late for things.
7. You focus on their bad points.
It’s not just the little annoyances that you focus on – you find yourself thinking about all their bad points on a regular basis.
In fact, it’s only their bad points that you ever think about. You’re no longer interested in their good points.
And you’ve taken to openly criticizing them when they do something that gets under your skin, because you don’t feel like biting your tongue.
8. You fight a lot.
There’s a big difference between a disagreement and an argument, and an even bigger difference between an argument and a fight.
You are very much at the point where things turn into full blown fights on a regular basis.
You struggle to be civil with one another and resort to blaming and shaming as weapons of attack.
None of these fights ever get truly resolved. Apologies and reconciliations are rare.
9. You’ve stopped going out your way for each other.
There was a time when you would bend over backwards to help them.
Nothing was too much for the one you loved.
But now you feel resentful if they ask you to do something for them – no matter how small.
10. You prioritize other people.
A healthy relationship often means your partner is your priority.
Sure, you still have your own life and other important people in it, but they fit around your relationship.
But the tables have now turned and you purposefully put other people first.
You’d prefer to see your friends or family at the weekend rather than spend it with your partner.
11. You’ve stopped thinking about a future with them.
It used to be that you could see a bright future for the two of you.
Depending on what stage of your life and relationship you were in, that might have involved moving in together, getting married, having kids, travelling, or something else altogether.
But no such thoughts ever cross your mind now. You have no hopes for a shared future.
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12. You’ve started thinking about a future without them.
You have begun to fantasize about what your life might look like if your partner weren’t in it.
You often think about the practicalities of separation – who’d move out, who’d get to keep the dog, what happens to any shared money?
Then there are daydreams of all the things you could/would do when you were single again.
You may even imagine a new partner – it doesn’t have to be anyone specific, but just the type of relationship you would like to have in future.
13. You can’t be yourself around them.
When you are with your partner, it’s like you are a completely different person.
You lose touch with your authentic self, your personality, the person you were at the start of the relationship.
You hold many of your emotions back – you stifle joy, hold back tears, and cool any shred of positivity.
You talk and act differently to when your partner is not there.
14. They can’t be themselves around you.
You’ve also noticed how much they have changed since you first met them.
The person you fell for has been hidden out of sight because of the tension that often exists between you.
The both of you feel unable to show any vulnerability in front of the other. It’s like you are carrying shields and wearing masks the entire time.
15. Physical intimacy is either non-existent or forced.
You barely touch each other these days. Kisses are rare and involve no passion. Sex is even rarer.
Or if you do have sex, you literally go through the motions without any emotional satisfaction.
Physical intimacy of any kind feels forced, and you could happily go without.
16. You no longer trust them.
Whether or not there has been any sort of infidelity, your trust in them has disappeared.
And yet, you don’t get jealous. You just don’t care either way.
If they did have a physical or emotional affair, you wouldn’t be that sad and might even see it as an easy way out of the relationship.
17. Your friends or family comment on how unhappy you seem.
You have probably spoken at length about the state of your relationship, but even beyond this, the people who love and care about you have noticed how down you seem about it.
They may have mentioned it to you, commenting on how you don’t seem like your usual self.
These people know you best, so it is worth listening to them if they have noticed a difference in you.
18. You feel anxious, depressed, or angry all the time.
Your friends and family have seen a change in you because you are battling inner turmoil on a regular basis.
Your failing relationship has led to anxiety, depressed thoughts, irritability, and anger.
And this doesn’t just show itself in dealings with your partner, but in everything you do.
You feel the weight of the relationship dragging you down.
19. You can’t empathize with each other.
Healthy relationships involve a lot of care and concern for the other person, but you don’t seem capable of that these days.
If they get home from work and complain about their boss, you struggle to see things from their perspective. Instead, you may tell them that they’re overreacting.
Or you may not really say much at all, instead just offering a few nods and a shrug of the shoulders.
The way you now feel about your partner stands in the way of true empathy, and so you can’t put yourself in their shoes and imagine how they must be feeling.
20. You don’t laugh together anymore.
Couples that share lots of laughter are generally in a pretty solid place, even if there are a few troubles here and there.
But smiles, giggles, and guffaws have long since vanished from your relationship.
This is because you don’t joke around like you used to. You’re much more serious around each other because this keeps emotional distance between the two of you.
21. You’ve become two very different people.
It’s actually not that common for opposite to attract, but you and your partner have grown in different directions and are now quite different to when you first met.
Growth does not always change us in ways we’d expect, and if the two of you no longer share the same interests, passions, or moral standpoints, the writing is on the wall.
Sometimes, only one person in a relationship grows and changes, and this person then feels like they have outgrown the other. This is more common in younger couples where one person matures quicker than the other.
22. You don’t respect each other anymore.
Respect is one of the cornerstones of any good relationship, but the respect you have for one another has dwindled over time.
The difficulties you faced have driven a wedge between you and even basic courtesy is a challenge at times.
You may hate the way things are between you, but respect that was once earned has now been lost.
23. One or both of you treats the other poorly.
When respect is lost and empathy is absent, it becomes a lot harder to treat each other well.
Instead, you treat each other in ways that you wouldn’t normally treat people.
You have less patience, a shorter temper, and are generally less friendly to them.
In some circumstances, this can degrade further into one or both parties verbally abusing the other, or worse.
If abuse of any kind ever becomes a part of a relationship, its days are numbered.
24. You just know.
Deep in your heart of hearts, you know that the relationship is over.
You may have been feeling this way for a while, but have been in denial about it.
But you can no longer push the thoughts and feelings down. It’s over, and there’s no going back.
25. You want out.
You no longer want to be a part of this relationship and are actively thinking about the best way to end it.
If you’ve reached this point, you don’t need anyone else to tell you that the relationship is no longer working.