Do you fall in love a little too easily?
Do you let your emotions get ahead of yourself?
Has this led to hurt and heartbreak?
You’re not alone.
It’s only natural to want to love and be loved, but this can lead to some poor decisions being made.
Relationships entered that shouldn’t be entered, hopes raised that are destined to be dashed, emotions heightened only to crash again.
If it feels like you reach the love stage a little too quickly and you want to slow down, here are some tips.
If you don’t want to fall in love at all, these same tips will help you avoid it.
1. Control your desire to find love.
Possibly the biggest reason someone gets swept away in love so easily is because they are so keen to find it.
They just want to be in love. They want to feel that warm feeling.
Of course, not everyone you meet or date will be suitable for you. Just because you want to find love so badly, doesn’t mean you have to settle for just anyone.
You have to recognize when your desire to be loved and in a relationship is the primary driving force for your feelings toward someone.
2. Don’t worry about losing them.
If you like someone and think they might be boyfriend or girlfriend material, you may be driving the emotional side of the relationship forward quickly in order to ‘secure’ their place in your life.
In other words, you allow yourself to fall for them in the hopes that they fall for you.
Your insecurity fills your mind with thoughts that they might find someone else, that they’re already dating other people, or that they’ll get bored of you if you don’t tie them down.
Listen: most people you date – even if it’s several dates – won’t turn into long term partners.
That’s a good thing because it means you aren’t stuck wasting your time in a relationship that isn’t going to last.
Be willing to lose someone in the knowledge that when the right person comes along, they will want to stay.
3. Distract your mind from thinking about them.
You may think you’re falling in love easily, but you might be confusing love for infatuation.
This is especially true if you can’t stop thinking about this person.
Now, sure, infatuation might transform into love, but it might not.
Either way, the only way to tell is to pull your mind away from thoughts about them.
Find distractions (see below) that can bring you back to the present moment so that your thoughts don’t get stuck on the object of your affection.
This will give you more time to see how things develop and to think about the situation with a clear head.
4. Keep your friends and family close.
When a new partner enters your life, it can be easy to prioritize them over everything else.
But doing so only speeds up the entanglement of your lives and intensifies the feelings you have for them.
To stop falling in love at breakneck speed, it’s vital that you maintain as much of the life you had before they came along as you can.
This means putting lots of time and effort into the relationships you have with your family and friends.
They will remind you of what a good life you have already, which can help with points 1-3.
5. Maintain separate hobbies.
When you’re dating someone, it can feel right to spend as much time as possible with them.
But the two of you probably have different hobbies. If you are to keep these hobbies going – and this should be something you try to do – it’s best to keep them separate.
Allow each other the time and space required to pursue the things you find enjoyable.
Sure, if it’s a hobby you both share, you can do it together. But you don’t always need to do it together. They probably have friends they do it with, and likewise with you.
You may also like (article continues below):
- Why Do We Fall In Love? 7 Things That Make Us Love Another.
- Falling In Love: The 10 Stages You’ll Go Through
- 6 Key Differences Between Loving Someone And Being In Love
- How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?
- Love vs. Unhealthy Attachment: When One Turns Into The Other
- How To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
6. Remind yourself how independent you are.
If you fall in love easily because you enjoy being part of a couple, it’s time to embrace your independence.
Or, rather, it’s time to recognize that you are a capable human being who can get along just fine in life by yourself.
You don’t need to rush into a relationship in the belief that you’ll forever be unhappy alone.
You almost certainly do experience joy and happiness when you’re single and when you do things that you like with people you care about.
You can take care of yourself practically speaking and you are emotionally independent – you just don’t realize it.
7. Let them remain independent too.
If you tend to move quickly in a new relationship, you are denying the other person their independence.
Sure, it’s nice to see them some evenings and at weekends, but they had their own life before you came along, so let them continue having that life now.
You don’t have to see them so often to maintain a closeness with them. You can just make the most of the time you do spend together so that the time apart doesn’t feel like a separation.
Spending less time together will also help mellow the intense feelings of attraction and lust you may be having which can easily be mistaken for love.
8. Choose to see their flaws early.
In the early throes of dating or a relationship, it can be easy to overlook a person’s downsides.
But if you take note of a person’s traits or behaviors that you find less appealing, it can balance out the positives and give you a more realistic view of them.
We’re not suggesting that you only focus on a person’s flaws – that will result in you rejecting every potential match – but we are advocating for a more even evaluation.
It will force you to think carefully as to whether or not there are any potential deal breakers.
9. Carefully consider whether you are a good match.
Hot on the heels of a person’s flaws is the question of how well matched you really are with someone.
You may enjoy their company and even like their personality, but this is not enough for true compatibility.
Across the whole spectrum of measures, how “right” are you for one another?
Are you a high energy person whilst they are more low energy?
Are you a vegan whilst they are a carnivore?
Are you a person of faith, whereas they are not religious?
To stop yourself from falling in love too quickly and with the wrong person, spend some time in reflection and ask yourself whether you could really make things work in the long run.
10. Keep digital contact in check.
As with many things in life, when it comes to texting or messaging someone you are dating, less is more.
Whilst it is nice to keep in touch with that person, you don’t need to be messaging back and forth all day every day when you’re apart.
Save your best conversations for when you are together and try to keep your digital communication to a reasonable level.
This certainly helps with point #3 about distracting your mind, because it’s easier to stop thinking about them when you’re not getting pinged by them every 5 minutes.
You don’t have to reply straight away, even if you read their message (damn those little blue ticks). It’s okay to respond at a time that’s more convenient to you. They will wait.
11. Hold off on getting physical.
It may be nice to jump between the sheets with someone you find physically attractive, but the whole dynamic of the relationship can change afterwards.
What’s more, the way you think about someone is likely to change after that first physical encounter.
Sex triggers the release of bonding hormones and these can seriously mess with your thoughts toward someone.
You can become more infatuated with them and tell yourself that you are falling in love with them when it’s really only lust.
So try to resist the temptation for as long as possible.
12. Learn to recognize your emotions.
You may think that you are falling in love too easily, but are you sure it’s love that you’re feeling?
As has already been hinted at, you could be feeling lust or infatuation which are both very different to love.
Or perhaps your insecurity is making you think you’re in love with someone when it’s anxiety instead.
Or do you feel under pressure to find love because you’re approaching a certain age, your friends are coupled up, and your family continually ask when you’re going to meet a nice guy/girl?
Ask yourself what it really feels like to be in love. Get to know that feeling and understand the signs that you really do love someone.
13. Distance, distance, distance.
If you want to stop falling in love with someone entirely, the best way to do it is to put lots of distance between the two of you.
It’s amazing how much a bit of physical and digital separation can do for the heart and mind.
When you don’t see or hear from someone, you eventually stop thinking about them.
And when you stop thinking about someone, the way in which you care for them changes.
No longer will the green shoots of love sprout. They will, instead, wither and die, or develop into something else – friendship, perhaps.
Falling in love easily is a positive flaw. You needn’t be ashamed of it.
But, as you will know if you’re reading this article, it has its problems too.
Hopefully, by implementing some of the tips above, you’ll be able to slow down your emotions and learn to commit to someone only when you’ve had enough time to really judge them and the potential for a healthy long term relationship.
If you do, you’ll save yourself a lot of potential pain.