Unrequited love can be torture. It’s never easy to accept the fact that the person you love doesn’t return the feeling, no matter what has, or hasn’t gone on between the two of you.
Being in love with someone who loves you back can be tough enough, but when it’s one-sided, it can be hard to get closure and move on.
On top of that, people often don’t understand why you’re investing your energy into someone who doesn’t love you back, so you don’t get all that much sympathy.
It can be difficult to know when to give up hope, and tricky to let go of the relationship and start to move forwards, opening yourself up to new possibilities.
Not to worry, though, there are always things you can do to help yourself move on and let go.
It might not be easy, but you’ll soon start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You’ll begin to open yourself up to a relationship with someone who’s going to give you all the love you deserve.
We’re going to take a look at how you can start to move on when the person you love doesn’t love you back, whatever the situation.
Whether you’ve had a crush on someone that’s not going anywhere, have found yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t truly love you back, or are struggling to fall out of love with an ex, read on for some advice about letting go.
Moving On From A Crush
I’ve taken a deep dive into moving on from a crush who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings before (read it here: How To Get Over A Crush: 12 Tips To Help You Move On), but it can be tough to get over a relationship-that-never-happened.
The challenge is often that there’s no closure, so you can end up just hanging on and on, thinking something might change.
Plus, the people around you won’t take it seriously if it was ‘just a crush,’ no matter how strong your feelings were.
In this case, it’s all about accepting the situation, distracting yourself, and making sure you’re open to new potential love interests who can see you for the amazing person that you are.
Ending A Relationship With A Partner Who Doesn’t Love You
Ending a relationship is never easy. But it’s even harder when you’re still in love with your partner, but you’ve come to accept that they don’t love you back.
And yet, they still seem quite content to maintain the status quo of your relationship, even when you’re both unhappy.
Here are some tips for getting your head around the situation, coming to terms with it, and finding the courage to end things.
1. Before you break up, consider how you know they don’t love you.
Taking the decision to break up with someone is a very big one, so you need to make sure that you’re not just missing the signs that prove they do love you.
Perhaps they don’t shower you with gifts or tell you they love you every day, or go in for any romantic stuff. And perhaps that’s how you show your love for them.
But they might just have a different love language to you.
Their way of expressing how they feel might be through the time they dedicate to you, or the fact they’ll happily go out of their way to do something they know will help you out.
Look beyond the superficial signs of love, for the real stuff.
But, on the other hand, don’t clutch at straws. They should be showing you they love you somehow, however odd their way of doing it might seem to you.
If they just throw you a bone every now and again to keep you happy, and you struggle to come up with examples of things they do for you, then you might be right about it being time to move on.
2. Remind yourself that you deserve to be loved.
You deserve love. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel loved.
Keep this in mind throughout the process of deciding whether to break up with someone and then actually doing it.
You shouldn’t be settling for anything less than someone who adores you and can see how amazing you are.
If it’s not real love, it’s just not worth it.
I know you’ve heard this all before, but it’s far better to be on your own than it is to be in a less-than-fulfilling relationship.
You may also like (article continues below):
- If Things Aren’t Working Out, This Is The Right Way To Break Up With Someone
- 25 No Bullsh*t Signs Your Relationship Is Over
- If Your Love Has Died, Don’t Tell Yourself These 8 Myths
- Real Love Doesn’t Always Last A Lifetime (And That’s Okay)
- 10 No Bullsh*t Reasons Why Women Leave Men They Love
3. Consider counselling.
It can be very hard to get your thoughts straight in these situations and to verbalize and understand why it is that you feel your partner doesn’t love you enough.
Speaking to a professional can be a very good way of processing your feelings and thoughts.
Speaking to friends can be helpful, too, but they might not have an impartial view of the situation.
This is something you really need to figure out on your own, with the guidance of a professional.
4. Remember that it’s no reflection on you.
Whatever you do, don’t forget that just because this person isn’t in love with you, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.
It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable, and, if it’s what you want, you will find real love one day.
The only thing it means is that this person isn’t the one for you.
This is why it’s time to say goodbye, and open the door to all the amazing possibilities that the future might hold.
Of course, once you’ve actually ended the relationship, you’ll benefit from the following tips too…
Letting Go Of An Ex
Unrequited love is always terrible, but when it goes hand in hand with the pain of a breakup, it can be a horrible experience to live through.
But live through it you will, and you’ll come out fighting.
There are some things you can do to make what is always going to be a tough experience easier to handle. You can help yourself to let go and move on, so that you’re not pining for an ex.
Whether you broke up with them, they broke up with you, or anything in between… if you still love them, here are some things to bear in mind to help you close the door on your relationship.
1. Don’t stay in contact with them.
The two of you might be able to be friends in the future, but if you’re still in love with them and you’re not together, you need to avoid contact with them for a significant period of time, if at all possible.
It might be hard if you’ve got kids, or work together, but do everything you can to minimize contact and give yourself a chance to start falling out of love.
Out of sight, out of mind and all that jazz.
2. Accept that it’s going to be hard work.
You might not have asked to be put in this situation, but the first step to letting someone go is accepting that it’s not going to be easy.
But you have a choice: you can either choose to be miserable and stay where you are, feeling unrequited love, or you can choose to draw a line under things, and set your sights on the future.
Whilst you’re at it, accept the fact that they’ll probably always still have a place in your heart.
You can fall out of love with them, but you’ll still love them in a way, and that’s okay.
They were a massive part of your life, so there’s no need to pretend that they never existed, and you can still hold on to the good memories.
3. Be kind to yourself.
This applies to all three different kinds of unrequited love.
The most important thing is not to expect yourself to heal overnight.
Expect there to be very tough moments and know that you won’t deal with everything in the way that, perhaps, you would in an ideal world.
You need to show yourself some serious love. Do the things that make you happy, spend time with the ones you love, take time out, exercise, eat well (but don’t forget the chocolate – it really can help).
4. Say goodbye to your fantasy future, and get excited about the possibilities.
It might take you a while to feel properly excited about the possibilities ahead of you, but it’s important to remind yourself that anything could happen, and that a whole world has opened up to you.
You need to make peace with the future you’d imagined for yourself with your ex, and accept that it never existed apart from in your imagination.
It’s not something you’ve missed out on, because it wasn’t real.
5. Live in the now.
It’s wonderful to get excited about your potential future, but one of the biggest things you should learn from situations like these is to live in the now, and not to pin your hopes on what might happen.
Love the important people in your life with all your heart, prioritize all the things that fulfil you and inspire you, and don’t dwell on what might have been, or what might be.