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So, you feel like you’re not good enough for them…
Like you’re not up to their standards…
Like they could do far better than you, and you’re not really sure why they’re hanging around.
This, unfortunately, is not an uncommon feeling. Many people find themselves in relationships in which they’re convinced that their partner is somehow lowering themselves by being with them.
They may know deep down that it’s all in their head, but they still can’t shake the feeling, and it threatens to drive a wedge between them and their partner.
After all, what person wants their partner to think this way? Who wants to be with someone who puts them on a pedestal, and can’t appreciate their own self-worth?
If your relationship is going to last and thrive, you need to say goodbye to the idea that you’re somehow inferior. For both your sakes.
The first thing you need to do is figure out where these feelings of inferiority are coming from.
Why is it that you feel unworthy of your partner’s love?
Then, we’ll take a look at how you can face these feelings head on and come to the realization that you are good enough for anyone.
7 Reasons Why You Might Feel Unworthy Of Your Partner
The first thing we need to underline is that none of these are actually legitimate excuses for feeling like your partner is too good for you, because they’re not, and that’s that.
No human being is ever ‘too good’ for another.
But when have human beings ever needed a legitimate excuse for feeling the way we do?
We’re irrational by nature, and we’re the result of all the experiences that shape us.
And it’s important to consider the root causes of these irrational behaviors and thoughts in order to be able to work on them.
1. You had your confidence knocked as a child.
This might all stem from experiences that you had as a child which meant you never established a healthy level of self-confidence.
The experiences we have in childhood shape the way we think and see ourselves for the rest of our lives.
Maybe you were told you weren’t good enough, or were made to think that way by a certain experience you lived through.
2. You’re scared of rejection.
Convincing yourself that you’re not good enough for someone is sometimes an excuse for putting up emotional walls when you’re scared of letting them into your heart.
If you have a fear of being rejected by this person, it might be your default reaction to convince yourself that it’s doomed because of your inadequacy rather than because of your fears.
3. You’ve been let down in love before.
Sometimes, these feelings of inadequacy are the result of an experience in previous relationships.
Perhaps you let your guard down in the past and allowed yourself to believe you were worthy of a partner’s love, only to have it all thrown back in your face.
If you believe that your past relationships didn’t work out because of something that was somehow lacking on your part, that might well be playing a part in the feelings you’re experiencing now.
4. You don’t feel secure in your relationship.
Sometimes, worrying about not being good enough for someone is a result of feeling, or being made to feel insecure in a relationship.
This can be due to a lack of self-confidence and trust, but it can also be because your partner isn’t doing their part to make you feel secure.
5. You don’t have the emotional support you need in your relationship.
Maybe your partner doesn’t give you the emotional support and reassurance you need in your relationship.
Rather than expecting more from them, you’ve decided that the reason for the problems between you is that you’re not good enough for them.
6. Your self-esteem is being knocked in other areas of your life.
It could be that these feelings of inadequacy aren’t down to anything to do with your partner or relationship at all.
Perhaps the issue is in other areas of your life.
Maybe you’re struggling professionally because you’ve lost your job or are bored by your work.
Perhaps you’ve had problems with your family or friends or are lacking a sense of purpose.
If your partner seems to have their life completely under control, you might feel that you don’t match up to their high standards.
7. You’ve experienced physical changes.
Perhaps the problem is rooted in physical changes that you’ve experienced in recent times.
Maybe you’ve been ill, or your physical appearance has changed in a way that you perceive to be negative.
That might have had a big impact on your self-esteem and led to you to worry that your partner could easily be with someone ‘more attractive’ than you.
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10 Steps To Feeling Good Enough For Your Partner
If you feel like you’re not good enough for your partner, that’s something you need to address sooner rather than later, as these feelings can be incredibly damaging to a relationship.
Here are some ways that you can work on this, to help you realize that you are good enough for absolutely anyone and should never question your self-worth.
1. Figure out the root of the problem.
The first step is to consider all of the reasons above and put your finger on which of them you think might be true for you.
It might be a mix of a few different contributing factors. Only by identifying the root cause(s) of the problem can you take steps to fix it.
2. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor.
This probably isn’t something you can or should deal with yourself. You need support to be able to work through this and achieve healthy levels of self-esteem.
Take some time to talk about your feelings with a friend whose judgement you trust and has your best interests at heart.
If you think it might be helpful, a counselor is definitely worth considering. They might help you to say goodbye to these complexes once and for all.
3. Work on your confidence in all areas of your life.
In general, your self-esteem is probably in need of a significant boost.
You need to develop a better sense of your own worth. Focus on things like not using self-deprecating language, as your words are so important for reinforcing your view of yourself.
Be conscious of your body language, standing tall, smiling warmly, and generally coming across to others as confident. It’s a small change that can make a big impact.
4. Focus on the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled.
When we’re feeling down about ourselves and our relationships, we generally spend all our time focusing on the negatives in our lives, rather than the positives.
So, it’s time to place your focus on all the things in your life that fill you with joy.
Focus on your friendships, your family, and prioritize those activities that make you feel confident and fulfilled.
Prioritize your own well-being and show yourself that you’re worth it.
After all, if you don’t show yourself some love, how can you convince yourself that you deserve the love of your partner?
5. Challenge yourself.
If you don’t feel good enough for your partner, you probably need some new challenges in your life to prove to yourself that you are an incredibly capable person who is worthy of love.
Try something new – something that scares you.
6. Love yourself for who you are.
Thinking this way is a sure sign that your levels of self-love are seriously low, so you need to work on that.
Self-love is about acceptance, and about giving yourself a break.
You don’t need to be the most attractive, the cleverest, the fittest, or the most creative person in the world to be worthy of love.
7. Remember, you’re not the only one.
It’s always important to remember that you’re not the only one who is feeling these feelings.
We all doubt our own self-worth now and again, and this is something you can work through if you really try.
8. Reflect on your relationship.
It’s time to sit down and be honest with yourself about your relationship.
Are these feelings and thoughts entirely a result of your complexes?
Or, does your partner do things that compound your feelings of not being good enough for them?
Do they support you, or undermine you?
Is this entirely down to issues that you need to work on, or is there a problem in your relationship that needs addressing?
9. Have an honest discussion with your partner.
Once you’ve reflected on the situation, it’s time to be open and honest with your partner about how you’ve been feeling.
Pick a good time to sit down and open up about how you feel and why you think that might be.
Be careful about how you frame it so as not to hurt their feelings, especially if you’ve realized that the problems are entirely yours, and nothing to do with the way your partner behaves toward you.
10. Reconnect with your partner.
If you’re going to work through this with your partner, the two of you need to spend plenty of quality time together, having fun and rediscovering the spark that first brought you together.
If you work on your self-esteem and make sure you’re both putting the effort into your relationship, you should be able to come through this as a more confident person and a stronger couple.
Still not sure what to do about your feelings of not being good enough for them? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.