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You’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and you’re starting to really like this guy.
But before you can let yourself get carried away and start picturing a future together, you need to have ‘The Talk’ with him.
Some new couples don’t feel the need to sit down and chat about where things are going between them, because it’s entirely obvious to them both from the very beginning and they’re consistently open and honest about their feelings.
But that’s the exception to the rule!
Most people in blossoming relationships will struggle to know exactly what the other person is thinking, feeling, or planning.
And if you’re reading this, then you’re probably one of them.
After all, the success of a relationship isn’t just based on the chemistry between you…
You might be head over heels for each other but have plans for the future which the other person just doesn’t, and realistically never will, fit into.
And you’ll never know if that’s the case that unless you ask.
As awkward as these chats can be, it’s far better to put your cards on the table and have an honest talk with the person you’re developing feelings for.
This way you can make sure you’re both on the same page and neither of you are wasting your time.
If you think it might be time to have the “Where is this going?” talk with the guy you’ve been seeing, here are some tips for how to go about it.
1. Don’t do it too early on.
Maybe you’ve only been seeing this guy for a matter of days or weeks, but you’re already feeling tempted to corner him and ask if he sees a future for the two of you.
Unless you’ve spent every waking second together and the typical relationship timeline has been rather sped up, it’s probably best to wait a little longer to have The Chat.
But there’s no hard and fast rule about when that should be.
Don’t listen to anyone who says you need to talk to them about where they see things going on the sixth date or on the day after the second full moon.
Just wait until you’ve started to relax and feel comfortable around them and are really getting to know them.
That’ll give you a chance to figure out how you’re feeling about them and if you can see a future.
2. But don’t leave it too late.
On the other hand, don’t be tempted to keep putting off this potentially awkward – but important – conversation for too long.
I know, I know. This is incredibly unhelpful. How are you supposed to know what exactly the right moment is, whilst neither doing it too soon nor leaving it too late?
When on earth is the right time?
As always in this life, it all depends.
Deep down, there will come a time when you just know that you’re not comfortable carrying on with things as they are.
Once you start feeling that way, you need to bite the bullet and have this chat sooner rather than later.
3. Make sure you’re both in the right mind frame.
As with any relationship talk, it’s important that you’re both in the mood when you have it.
Neither of you should be tired, hungry, or preoccupied with work, as if things don’t go the way you imagined, one or both of you might start saying things you don’t mean.
Although it can be tempting, it’s also best to not have these discussions after you’ve been intimate with him, as all those hormones can play havoc with your ability to think straight.
You’re both more likely to want to carry things on between the two of you at times like that, even if you might not be so keen on the idea if you weren’t swept up in the moment.
You don’t want him telling you there’s a future between you just because he’s so carried away with the physical side of things, do you?
4. Do it somewhere you feel comfortable.
If you’re going to sit them down for The Talk, it’s always best to do it on your own turf, or on neutral ground.
After all, if the conversation doesn’t go the way you’d imagined, you’ll feel more secure and able to stick to your guns in these surroundings than if you were, for example, at his place.
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5. Boost your self esteem.
Before having this chat with the guy you’re seeing, it’s a good idea to remind yourself that you deserve the best, so you don’t find yourself settling for less.
A good way to do this is spending time with friends or family who love and value you or indulging in a bit of self-care.
Spend some time doing your favorite hobby, treat yourself to a new haircut, or just take some time out for yourself, enjoying your own company, and reminding yourself that whilst a loving relationship can be wonderful, life is about so much more than that.
6. Get clear about your feelings, expectations, and deal breakers.
There’s no point having this talk about where they think the relationship is going if you aren’t sure what it is you want from them.
You might be trying to cushion yourself from heartache by not investigating or acknowledging your feelings until you know if they’re serious.
But if you’re expecting them to be honest and clear about how they feel, you need to be clear on how you feel too.
You need to be sure about whether you think your burgeoning feelings for this person could turn into something real, and what your expectations are for how the relationship might develop, all being well.
Of course, he’s unlikely to have quite the same expectations as you do, so you need to establish what you’re willing to compromise on and what might potentially spell the end of your fledgling relationship.
Would you be happy to keep seeing other people for the time being, if that’s what he wanted? Or would you struggle to carry things on if things between you weren’t exclusive?
Is it important to you to put a label on things? Do you want him to meet your friends?
Be honest with yourself and him about the things that are most important to you.
7. Think about your opening line.
It’s always a good idea to think about how you might broach the subject in a way that won’t completely take this guy by surprise or make him feel like you’re putting him on the spot.
But whilst it’s good to have an idea of how you want to start things off and what you want to say during this talk, it’s also important to go with the flow, and really listen to and take in everything he’s saying.
Try not to fantasize too much about how the conversation might unfold before you actually have it, or you might end up regretting it or getting frustrated when he doesn’t say the things you’d expected.
8. But don’t build it up too much in your mind.
Looking back at this list, all the prep surrounding The Talk might feel a little overwhelming. So, it’s important to keep things in perspective.
This could be a defining moment in your relationship, as it could decide whether the two of you decide to move forwards or realize you’re not right for each other.
But if you don’t decide to carry things on, that’s not the end of the world.
The sooner you figure out that he’s not the one for you, the more likely you are to be receptive when the right man does come along.
Approach this chat calmly, collectedly, with realistic expectations and clarity about your own feelings, and it’ll all work out okay in the end.
And if it doesn’t, then it’s not the end.
Still not sure how to ask this guy where he sees the relationship going? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.