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Consult a counselor to help you deal with the feeling that no one cares. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
We live in such a technologically connected world, yet many people feel lonelier than ever.
Social media and mobile phones have made it easy to connect with other people in a virtual sense, but that doesn’t actually fulfill our social needs.
People are social animals, and most need to be around other people a little bit, even if it’s just seeing a cashier at the grocery store or waving to a neighbor that’s driving by.
What about when we feel alone? Isolated? Like no one truly cares about our well-being or whether or not we even exist? Well, there are ways that you can address it. A lot of it has to do with the perceptions we have of other people and our relationships.
However, that isn’t always the whole story, even though it’s what self-help and inspirational people bang on about. A lot of the literature on this topic is written with the assumption that everyone has someone in their life that cares about them and their well-being. The writers often assume that it’s just a matter of distorted perspective, other people being busy, or misaligned expectations – and we will touch on that.
But that’s not always the case.
There are a lot of people out there that truly have no one that cares about them. They might be surrounded by superficial people that are only using them for whatever reason. Then you have people who have severe problems like addiction, alcoholism, and mental illness that may have reached a point where they have burned every bridge, and no one wants to be around them anymore. Maybe it’s a person surrounded by dysfunctional people who don’t know how to have a healthy relationship or care about another person in a meaningful way.
If you’re one of those people who is truly alone, that has no one that cares about you, we will touch on that by the end of the article, so don’t bounce out before we get there.
In the meantime, let’s look at what you can do if you feel like no one cares about you.
1. Determine whether or not it’s your brain messing with you.
Perception is a powerful thing. Belief is a cornerstone in the way we perceive and interact with the world. Those perceptions and beliefs that we have can shape the way we receive the information around us.
You may be standing in a room full of people you love and who love you and still feel completely alone. The brain wants to paint the world in the way that we perceive it, whether or not it’s true.
So we need to make sure that we are interpreting the world correctly before deciding on the truth.
Ask yourself, “Why do I feel like no one cares about me?”
Is it because people aren’t hearing you? Are you looking for support that you can’t seem to find? Are other people just too busy or wrapped up in their own problems? Is it depression? Hopelessness? The anxiety that no one else cares and that you’re alone? Is it a matter of self-esteem? Do you feel like you can be loved and cared about? Or have you reached a point in your life where you actually are alone and don’t have anyone around you that cares?
You may find that you are distant from friends and family, but they may still care even if you don’t get to talk a whole lot.
2. Alter your expectations if they aren’t reasonable.
Sometimes we may feel like other people don’t care because we aren’t interpreting our relationships correctly. It may be a matter of expecting too much out of certain friends or family members that just aren’t able or willing to give you what you’re looking for.
That may be because they just don’t have the time, they are currently buried in their own problems, or they aren’t all that emotionally intelligent.
It may also be a matter of disproportionate effort. You may be a person that pours a lot of yourself into other people, but not everyone else functions that way. And though people that do that tend to view it as a positive quality, it’s really not.
So you have to be the one to meter out the kindness and compassion you pour into other people because most people will not tell you to stop. They’re just going to take and take and take until there’s nothing left.
And that’s not always a malicious thing either. That’s just because a lot of people aren’t that emotionally intelligent. They may not be able to read or see that you’re giving too much of yourself and that it isn’t healthy.
The other issue is that practicing kindness with the expectation of receiving kindness is not actually kindness. That’s a transaction and may tip-toe into manipulation if you’re not upfront about it.
If you’re the type of person that cares about others and then gets upset that others don’t care about you, that’s on you. No one is obliged to care, no matter how much do for them.
3. Stop pushing other people away.
Sometimes we end up pushing the people we do care about away. It’s so easy to get pulled under the surface of difficult problems, depression, anxiety, and the stresses of life. The weight of those problems can be crushing, and we may end up lashing out at other people just because of the stress. It may feel like no one cares if you’re firing your anger or sadness out at other people because that pushes them away.
How often do you go up to people that seem angry to try to talk to them? What’s the better approach? Give them space? Give them time to cool down? Leave them alone, so they don’t take their anger or problems out on you? Other people do the same thing.
We need to have healthy ways to feel our negative emotions without lashing out with them destructively.
It may be better to develop coping skills, see a counselor, or even just go out for some exercise to burn off those emotions. Journaling can be helpful to process those feelings too.
Whatever you decide, just make sure that you aren’t pushing other people away and shutting them down when they try to connect. If you need some time to yourself, express that need and take the time that you need. That way, the other person knows that you’ll come back around when you’re able and ready.
4. Try to reconnect with people you’ve grown distant from.
Do you have people that you have just grown distant from? Life gets so busy and stressful that it’s hard to keep up with friendships and relationships. They may care a great deal, but they just haven’t thought to make the time for you.
Reach out and suggest setting up a time to reconnect. Maybe it’s getting out to do something, meeting up for lunch, or just having an evening phone call. One way to keep connected with other people is to send out a “Hey, how are you doing?” text once a week to the people you are connected with.
This is an easy way to give you both a structured way to keep in touch, stay connected, and nurture those feelings of caring.
5. Look to develop new relationships.
Not every relationship is going to last forever. People regularly go through friendships and relationships as they live their life and get older. Sometimes they last, sometimes they don’t. You may find that you need to make an additional effort to develop new relationships as time goes on.
A great way to do that is through hobbies, volunteering, taking classes, or community involvement. Churches used to be the primary way for communities to gather and interact. Nowadays, there may be other options available, like community organizations or charities.
You may also find local meet and greets if the area you live in is large enough. A support group may be another option if you are dealing with mental health issues.
6. Consider the way you act toward others.
Emotionally healthy people with healthy boundaries do not spend their time around negative or destructive people. Do you want to know who does? People with poor boundaries and other negative, destructive people.
You may find that no one cares about you because your actions and behavior have driven away the kind of people that you actually want in your life. Healthy, happy people don’t want to be around miserable jerks. Life is hard enough without having someone else constantly talking badly to others, being disrespectful, or unable to control their more negative behaviors.
The person may not be comfortable completely cutting you out of their life, but they may just hold you at a distance so that you can’t do damage to their life. And from that perspective, it can definitely feel like the person no longer cares because they have many layers of defenses up between you.
If you feel like this resonates with your situation, the best thing you can do is connect with a counselor to get to the root of the issue, fix it, and learn how to be better.
7. Address the traumas of your life.
The sheer act of living is enough to leave a traumatic mark on a person. The majority of people really don’t view trauma that way, though. They tend to look at it through the lens of an event that is severe and immediate; being the victim of violence, getting in a car accident, going off to war.
But in reality, there are many more events in life that can be traumatic that aren’t as obvious. Traumatic experiences can also include things like losing a loved one, losing a job and being unable to provide, or really anything else that can cause a great emotional disturbance. Grief is a powerful emotion that may go along with trauma.
And trauma is often lonely and isolating. It can make you feel like no one cares or that no one can care because they don’t necessarily understand the weight of your experience.
So it’s well worth talking to a counselor if you experienced something that is causing you to feel isolated or like no one cares.
A good way to tell is to simply look at your social life before and after the event. What’s it like now? If it’s worse, then you may need that extra help.
8. Consider getting a pet.
A pet can do much to alleviate loneliness. They are a source of unconditional love and acceptance that we sometimes just can’t find from other people. They are typically there for us when no one else is or can be because they have the added benefit of being with you at 3 in the morning when you’re staring at the ceiling and hating yourself.
They can help with depression because unconditional love and affection can help kick up some of those valuable endorphins that your brain may be stingy with. And they can also keep you moving when you feel like you can’t because you have this responsibility that needs your care and attention to be healthy and well. A pet can be an inspiration when you can’t find any.
A pet is not a permanent fix and won’t replace what we need from human contact completely, but a pet can help you get through until you reach better days. You also don’t have to worry about ulterior motives with a pet.
9. Start over from the beginning.
The feeling that no one cares is complicated. Sometimes it’s a matter of misinterpreting reality. We may feel like no one cares because the brain can just be a jerk with depression, anxiety, or whatever else you may be dealing with. On the other hand, you may be in a position where you’ve burned your bridges, and no one does care: yet.
Yet is a powerful word. You see, nothing is stopping you from starting over with a fresh slate. You have the power to change your life by getting the help that you need, developing better habits, and creating a new life. You can make new friends, develop new connections, and create a new social circle if you are willing to put in the time and the energy.
Being alone can be one of the most powerful, liberating experiences because you can focus solely on yourself in that time. Make the most of it. Embrace being alone. Embrace no one caring. Use it as a foundation to build the kind of life and experience that you want to have.
You are bigger than your problems, though you may need some professional help and support to get it done. It’s alright if no one cares now and you feel lonely. That doesn’t have to be the rest of your life.
Still not sure how to overcome the feeling that no one cares about you? Speak to a counselor today who can walk you through the process. Simply click here to connect with one of the experienced counselors on BetterHelp.com.
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