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Having a crush can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, but the goal is always to get your crush to like you back.
After all, when two people like each other, getting into a relationship is the next logical step, right?
Well, not always.
You could be in love with a guy before finding out whether he likes you back. You want to be with him. But once you find out that he wants that too, you suddenly don’t want it anymore.
Why do you stop liking guys when they like you back?
There are several possible reasons why this happens, but if it’s not the first time you’ve felt this way, it might be a pattern. This problem is not uncommon. A lot of women struggle with losing interest in a guy as soon as he shows interest too.
Maybe we always want what we can’t have. Once we can have it, it’s not fun to chase it anymore.
The answer might not be so simple though, and neither is the solution. So, keep reading to learn why you stop liking men when they reciprocate your feelings and what you can do about it.
Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you figure out why you stop liking guys as soon as they like you back. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.
1. You liked the mystery and now it’s gone.
Once you get to know someone for who they are, they’re not under the dark veil of mystery anymore. Often, it’s that mystery that causes such intense attraction toward someone that we don’t know that well.
When you first started liking this guy, you saw him as a smart, charming, and perfect man. Once you got to know him better though, you realized that he’s not as smart and charming as you thought he was. In fact, he is far from perfect, and there’s nothing extraordinary about him.
When you lose the sense of mystery, you can lose interest too. So, you might not like a guy anymore when you learn that he’s only human. If you fell in love with the way you imagined him to be, once you realize that the reality is different, you’ll fall out of love.
Stop idealizing men. Stop falling in love with the image that you’ve created in your head instead of the actual man. Otherwise, you are going to keep encountering the same problem in your love life.
Whenever the person you want to be with stops being just a fantasy and becomes someone real that you could actually be with, you’ll lose interest. Stop falling in love with an illusion and get to know men for who they are.
The mystery is attractive, but, in long-term relationships, it’s not really sustainable. A person living with you in your home every day is never going to be as interesting as a dark stranger in a bar. However, if you take the stranger home and live with him for a while, you’ll realize that he’s not as interesting either. It’s the unknown that is so interesting.
2. You expected magic and it didn’t happen.
Maybe you haven’t overestimated the guy, but you overestimated how being with him would feel. You fantasized about being with him for so long that it led to some unrealistic expectations.
He didn’t like you back, so you thought, if only he would reciprocate your feelings, things would be magical. He’d treat you like a princess and appreciate everything you do. He’d charm his way into your heart and melt it with his sweet words.
Once he finally liked you back though, none of these things happened. Maybe he’s actually shy and can’t charm you the way you expected him to. He might treat you well, but it’s not as well as you thought it would be.
The relationship doesn’t feel as important, special, and satisfying as you imagined. Once you got into a relationship with him, you encountered some problems. Now things aren’t going the way you planned. You might be in a relationship with the guy you wanted, but it’s not the relationship you fantasized about.
Try not to fantasize too much when you like a guy. Don’t expect magic, and you won’t be disappointed. This is similar to the previous point. If you let your imagination set your expectations, you’ll be disappointed with the real thing.
Don’t expect a love story like the ones that you’ve seen in the movies. Be prepared for a real relationship with an actual imperfect human being. Don’t idealize men when you start liking them. You can like a man and still see him for who he is.
Just don’t imagine too many scenarios in your head. Take things slowly and date a guy for a while before getting into a relationship with him. Get to know him, and you’ll have a better idea of what a relationship with him would be like.
Have healthy and reasonable expectations, and you won’t lose interest once you see that real life is not like the movies.
3. There’s no more thrill of the chase.
Dating is a game, and although the goal is to win, playing the game to get there is often more fun than actually winning. And a game is fun only if it’s not easy to win it. The other person has to entertain your pursuit or play hard to get for it all to be an enjoyable challenge.
Maybe you like the chase more than winning the game. You enjoy a good challenge and find a person interesting when you’re trying to win them over. Once you have already won them though, the pursuit has ended. There’s no more thrill of the chase, and it makes you lose interest. So, you might be enjoying the journey much more than the destination.
It can help if you understand that you shouldn’t stop winning each other over once you’re together. You should keep putting the same amount of effort into the relationship as you did when you first started dating.
The fun part doesn’t stop when you get into a relationship. You’re still on a journey, you’re just embarking on it together. Over time, you’ll continue to learn new things about your partner.
You should still fight to get and keep their love because there’s no guarantee that you’ll have it forever just because you won it once. Keep dating even when you’re already in a relationship. Remind yourself that you were dating with the goal of getting into a relationship in the first place.
4. You didn’t have to work hard to get him to like you.
Was your man an easy target? Maybe he liked you back too fast and without requiring a lot of effort from you. You wanted to play hot and cold a bit and long for him for a while, but there he was, instantly ready to like you back.
When it takes time to get someone to like you, it intensifies the tension between you. It’s not fun when you don’t have to work hard to attract and seduce a guy. If he made it too easy for you, it makes sense that you lost interest.
Maybe you enjoy the thrill of the chase and the whole dance that leads to a relationship, but it’s not just that. You also don’t want a guy who would easily fall for any girl if he fell that easily for you.
Just because it didn’t take long before a guy liked you back doesn’t mean that he could like another girl just the same. Maybe he started liking you even before you liked him. Maybe he’s attracted to you so much that he couldn’t wait to do the whole dating dance with you.
He wanted to get into a relationship with you right away instead of playing games. That doesn’t make him weak or unpredictable. It simply means that he likes you.
Why do you need to put effort into getting someone to like you? Some people will like you back without asking anything from you, and that’s okay. Don’t give up on a guy just because he shows interest quickly.
5. You want what you can’t have.
When someone is too available to us, we may not consider them worth our while or of high value. However, we do see them that way when they’re just out of reach and harder to get.
Maybe you always want what you can’t have. That’s actually pretty common. For instance, most people crave food that they’re not allowed to eat. The same applies to dating. You want people that you can’t easily get.
Maybe you didn’t think that this guy would like you back. So, you liked him because he was out of your reach. Once he liked you back though, you realized that you can actually be with him.
It doesn’t have to remain a fantasy, and that’s what bothers you. Unavailability somehow has the power to make people seem more attractive. Secrecy is also sexy. Once someone likes you back, there’s no secret anymore, and they’re definitively available to you.
When things become less available, the demand for them increases. We perceive rare things as those of higher value. However, you should keep your goal in mind. If you want a long-term relationship, you can’t have it with someone who’s unavailable, even if it makes them seem more attractive.
You can only have something real with someone who’ll like you, so don’t stop liking them just because they like you back. It means that you’re winning and moving toward your goal.
If you still constantly want what you can’t have, talk to a therapist about it. They can get to the root of the problem and help you identify the solution.
6. You don’t think that you deserve it.
Sometimes, people achieve things in life and feel like they don’t deserve them. They have such low self-esteem that it makes them think they don’t deserve that job promotion or that great partner.
Maybe the reason you don’t like this guy anymore is that you don’t think that you deserve to be liked by him.
You don’t see yourself as worthy of love, and that’s a big issue. Because of it, you could find it hard to trust that someone really likes you. After all, what’s there to like when you don’t see it?
If you can’t see what other people like about you because you don’t like yourself, you won’t be able to believe them. Maybe you think that this guy will run away if he really gets to know you for who you are.
If you think like this, you may have an avoidant attachment style. You push people away once they show interest in you because you don’t think that you deserve that interest. Maybe you’re also trying to save yourself from possible heartbreak by not allowing yourself to experience love.
Work on your self-esteem with the help of a therapist. You are definitely worthy of love, and you deserve good things in life. You need to realize that as soon as possible.
If you don’t love yourself, you’ll have trouble in your love life in general. It will be hard for you to trust your partner, and trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
So, realize that there are plenty of things that people can like about you. Work on the things that you don’t like about yourself and dedicate some time to self-improvement. If you can’t love yourself the way you are now, become the version of yourself that you could actually love.
7. You’re afraid of commitment.
A lot of people assume that committing to a partner means sacrificing your freedom and independence. Casual flings are glamorized, and many people think that a single lifestyle where you get to do whatever you want is much better than being in a serious relationship.
You might be one of these people and have a fear of commitment. Being in a long-term relationship would require you to give up a part of your freedom that you’re not ready to give up. You might also be afraid of losing your youth in a dead-end relationship or getting your heart broken after committing to someone for a long time.
The first thing that you need to do is identify your fears and the reasons behind them. A lot of people fear commitment because of bad experiences in past relationships. Others have developed trust issues or suffered a trauma during childhood.
So, talk to a therapist and identify the part of your past that’s causing you problems in the present. Understand that you can still be independent in a healthy relationship.
You also don’t have to give up all of your freedom. Sure, you won’t be able to do whatever you want whenever you want without consulting with anyone and considering their feelings. However, a good partner won’t limit your freedom to the point that you feel trapped in a relationship.
8. You’ve discovered your differences.
Maybe you didn’t actually think this guy was perfect, but you thought that he was more similar to you than he really is. When he liked you back, you spent more time together, and you realized that you are very different. You don’t share the same core values and beliefs, and you like different things.
A lot of times, the reason why you stop liking a guy when he likes you back is that he turns out to be someone different than you imagined. Sometimes, this is about unrealistic expectations, but other times, you really are too different.
So, what now?
Not every couple is a match made in heaven. You can both be amazing separately, but that’s not a guarantee that you’ll work well together.
When people are too different, it can doom their relationship. You don’t have to like the same things to be a good match; however, you should have similar core values, beliefs, and goals.
Maybe you’ve simply realized that you can’t have a future with this man because you want different things in life. For instance, while you would like to travel the world, he would like to buy a house and start a family, or the other way around.
When this happens, it’s highly unlikely that the relationship will work. So, while liking someone and them liking you back is a prerequisite for a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you must be in a relationship.
In addition, it doesn’t mean that the relationship will work. So, if it’s already clear that you are very different people, it might be better not to get involved in the first place.
9. You’ve noticed the red flags.
You might have thought that this guy would be great for you, but once you got to know him better you noticed a lot of red flags. You’ve realized that a relationship with him wouldn’t make you happy.
Maybe he started acting possessive, jealous, and controlling once he liked you back, or he showed his true colors in some other way. The point is that you have spotted red flags, which changed your mind about him, and you should trust your instincts.
Don’t get involved with him if there are red flags that indicate that the relationship would be unhealthy. If someone seems abusive, don’t wait to find out whether you’re right.
Maybe you liked this guy before you learned more about him. Now that he likes you back, you know that it wouldn’t work out between you. That’s okay, and you have the right to change your mind.
It’s okay to stop liking a guy if he seems wrong for you when you get a closer look at who he is. However, if it’s for any other reason, and you regularly lose interest as soon as a guy reciprocates your feelings, talk to a therapist about this.
You might be finding flaws with every guy you like as soon as he shows interest because you don’t think that you deserve love or you’re afraid of commitment. Talk to a professional, and they’ll help you get to the root of the problem and form healthier relationships in the future.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
You may also like:
- 10 Reasons Why You’re Scared To Be In A Relationship
- How To Be Open To Love: 8 Ways To Let Yourself Be Loved
- 12 Signs You’re Too Picky When It Comes To Your Love Life
- Sabotaging Relationships: Why You Do It, Signs You Do It, How To Stop
- Fear Of Intimacy: Causes, Signs, And How To Overcome It