Has anyone ever told you that you’re too picky when it comes to your romantic life?
Perhaps you’ve been single for a long time or have broken up with a string of partners, one after another. Only, you’ve simply brushed off the ‘picky’ label up until now.
Or is this something people have only started saying now you’ve reached a certain age, and they insist that you should be settling down?
Maybe no one’s told you you’re too picky at all, but things aren’t going well in your romantic life. So you’ve come to suspect of your own accord that you’re a little choosy.
Whatever’s got you thinking these thoughts, if you’ve landed on this page then you’re starting to think that they might actually be right.
Too picky, or not picky enough?
It’s so hard to decide where the line is when it comes to pickiness.
Many of us struggle with figuring out the difference between being too picky and just having reasonable, respectable standards, and not selling ourselves short.
Because what’s at the other end of the spectrum from people who are too choosy in their romantic relationships? The people whose standards are at rock bottom, and don’t ask enough from their partners. The people who cling onto unhealthy and unhappy relationships, often as a result of low self-esteem or out of a fear of being alone.
Of course, relationships are hard and will always take work. If you’re too picky, it means you expect perfection out of relationships and aren’t willing to put that work in. But if you’re not picky enough, you might be working far harder than you should have to.
This is a total minefield and it can be hard to figure out where you fall on the spectrum.
At the end of the day, it’s up to each individual to decide whether it’s worth sticking around and working at a certain relationship, or if the person in question just isn’t worth it.
But this article is here to give you a helping hand in figuring out where to draw the line between being picky and not settling for any relationship.
12 signs you’re too picky.
Here are some signs to look out for that you might be too picky when dating. If they strike a chord with you, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate your expectations and give yourself a better chance at finding happiness in love.
1. You’ve been single for a long time.
One of the most obvious signs that you’re too picky in romance is if you’ve been single, by choice, for a long time.
You might tell yourself that it’s not your choice, and that there’s just no one out there for you. Truth is the world is full of wonderful people that you could be compatible with if you were only open to that possibility.
Sure, there might be lots of other extenuating circumstances playing their part, and you might be genuinely putting yourself out there and being open minded.
But your pickiness might also have a lot to do with why you’ve been single for such a long time.
2. You believe in the one.
Do you believe there’s only one person out there for you? Only one person you could ever be happy with? A soulmate just waiting for you to stumble across their path?
Then you’re too picky. Because you’re looking for perfection, and perfection doesn’t exist in life or in love.
You’re not predestined to be with just one specific person in this world. There are countless people out there that you could have wonderful relationships with if you met them when the timing and circumstances were right.
The right person isn’t chosen for you by fate – you choose them. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll take the pressure off yourself and all the people you meet.
3. You’ve read too many fairy tales.
You’ve read all the love stories and watched all the rom coms and think that, one day, Prince or Princess Charming is going to rock up at your door. That it’s all going to be fireworks, and you’ll just know that you’ve found your one true love.
You’re picky because you’ve got unrealistic expectations about what your meet cute will be like, and then about the whirlwind romance that will unfold.
You’re expecting to be swept off your feet and are waiting for your happy ending to come along, rather than getting out there and making your own happy ending happen.
Anyone that doesn’t quite fit with the fairy tale you’re picturing for yourself gets shown the door.
4. You have a one strike policy.
As soon as a new love interest puts one foot wrong, that’s it. They’re out, and you’re moving on to the next person.
You don’t believe in forgiving and forgetting, which is highly unrealistic.
If you wait for total perfection and aren’t prepared to be understanding and forgive someone when they make a mistake, you’ll be waiting a long time.
5. You have a very set type.
You want a dark-haired highly educated engineer that earns a certain salary. Or a hippy surfer type with their own quirky campervan. Or a super sporty type to do triathlons with every weekend.
Whatever’s on your list, it’s all very specific. You’ve decided on exactly the kind of person you want and you’re not prepared to compromise on that. You’ve got a picture of them in your head, and you’re on the search for them.
And in the meantime, you’re probably missing out on some amazing people just because they don’t quite fit into your very niche box.
6. You just date the same person over and over again.
All the people you date behave and treat you in exactly the same way.
You might not have noticed it, but you keep going for variations on exactly the same kind of person with the same personality or traits. You then wonder why it never works out or why things always end the same way.
7. You let small things get in the way.
Like Bridget Jones, you obsess over things like the way they fold their underpants, and allow that to be a deal breaker for the relationship.
You end up sabotaging great relationships over absolutely nothing, because deep down you don’t think anyone’s good enough and you’re looking for excuses to say goodbye.
8. You’re a serial swiper.
You’re probably a bit addicted to dating apps. Knowing that there are always more people just a swipe away is too much for you, so you keep dismissing the people you start to date.
You just want to keep on swiping in case your dream person is the next one to appear, even when you have someone wonderful (but flawed, as we all are) right in front of you.
You’re under the impression that the grass is always greener on the other side, so you just can’t stick in a relationship.
9. You aren’t fazed by breaking up with someone.
A big warning sign that you’re too picky in relationships is that you’re so used to ending things with love interests that it doesn’t really bother you anymore.
Breaking up with someone should never be easy, so if it’s gotten that way then you might be dismissing too many people.
10. You want someone that fits with your grand plan.
You have a very fixed idea of how the next few decades of your life are going to pan out.
You’ve decided what you’re going to be doing, and so you’ve also got a fixed idea of who you want to be doing all that with.
So now you’re on the hunt for that hypothetical person rather than being open to other future paths that you never would have imagined taking, but that you might end up adventuring down with the person you’d least expect.
Make plans and dream big, sure. But be open to twists, turns, and surprises. Don’t reject people just because they don’t quite fit into the plans you’ve made, because things could turn out very differently, but even better than how you’d expected.
11. You get scared when the spark fades.
You tend to break up with people after a few months when the honeymoon phase is over and the initial spark begins to fade.
You’re convinced the fade means that something’s wrong. You think that sooner or later you’ll find someone with whom the spark will never fade.
You can’t accept the fade of that initial thrill is an inevitable part of love, and that it will be replaced by another kind of love that’s just as wonderful in a different way.
12. You’re not prepared to work through things.
You think the right relationship should just be plain sailing, so you’re not prepared to work at it at all.
You always give up at the first hurdle or first argument, not understanding that rough patches are part of any relationship.
If you’re hoping for someone that you’ll never disagree with or have problems with, you’re going to be disappointed.
Open your mind.
If you’ve realized that you really do want a relationship in your life but have been standing in your own way, then it’s time to make a conscious effort to change your approach.
That shouldn’t mean lowering your standards or settling for less than you deserve.
But it does mean opening yourself up to the idea that relationships can be tricky, and that the right person for you might be the person you’d least expect.
Open your mind, trust your judgment and listen to your heart, and you can’t go too far wrong.
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- How To Know If You’re Ready For A Relationship: 13 Clear Signs
- 13 Reasons For Optimism If You Worry You’ll Never Find Love
- 10 Signs Someone Has Commitment Issues (+ How To Overcome Them)
- 5 FALSE Reasons Why You Think You Don’t Deserve Love