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Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you challenge your miserable mindset. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
Obviously, it’s hard to live your life to the fullest when you don’t have the will to live at all.
If you’re constantly miserable, you might even think that happiness is not meant for you.
Listen carefully: this is not true.
However, you don’t need to suddenly become a person who is all about sunshine and rainbows. Such big changes don’t happen overnight, so your goal shouldn’t be reaching happiness right now, you should just aim to be less miserable.
After you find neutral ground, where you’re not yet a happy person, but you’re not miserable anymore, you can strive for happiness. But one step at a time, right?
First, learn how to stop being miserable and work your way up to the kind of person that you want to be. Here’s what you can do about your misery so that it doesn’t stop you from enjoying your life:
1. Strive for consistency.
If you try to be happy instead of miserable, you might manage to do that. However, your happiness will likely have a quick expiration date, and you’ll soon be miserable again.
So, instead of trying to become a ray of sunshine, just make sure to get rid of that dark cloud over your head.
Strive for consistency in the way you feel. Because you know what, you may even have the wrong idea of what happiness really is. Sure, it can resemble the euphoric feeling of being on top of the world, but you’re unlikely to feel this way every moment of every day.
So, find sustainable happiness in cheering yourself up when you’re feeling down and finding joy in the small things in life. If you’re constantly feeling miserable, don’t expect to constantly feel happy instead. Aim for a consistent feeling of being at peace, accepting who you are, and being satisfied with your life.
2. Don’t isolate yourself.
Most people require human contact in order to thrive. You need support from your family and friends and anyone else that you can trust. If someone offers their help to you, don’t be too proud to accept it.
When you need someone to be there for you, ask them. Make sure not to isolate yourself. Even if your friends and family can’t be there for you, you don’t have to shut yourself into a room and fall into despair. Go out there and be among other people.
Communicate with the waiter, the delivery boy, the cab driver… While these people aren’t the support system that you need when you’re feeling miserable, simply communicating with people helps.
It can keep your feet on the ground so that your head doesn’t get lost in a dark cloud. So, try to be more social and occupy your thoughts with small talk and conversations unrelated to the way you’ve been feeling.
3. Surround yourself with positive people.
Are the people that you spend most of your time with just as miserable as you are?
If so, try to surround yourself with positive people instead. Most importantly, try to be the positive person that these people would like to spend time with.
Maybe you can’t adopt a positive mindset just yet, but you can try to look on the bright side of life and avoid complaining too much.
Make an effort to talk about positive things. Your brain will unconsciously start looking for new things to talk about as you go about your days. Focus on these things and let the positive people in your life inspire you to be more like them.
4. Don’t be a people pleaser.
Are you making yourself miserable because you’re trying to make everyone else happy? Stop being a people pleaser! You’re bound to upset some people by being yourself and saying no to things, but that’s okay. Not everyone is going to like you.
Learn to be fine with not being everyone’s cup of tea; it’s okay to piss someone off. Put yourself first, be unapologetically you, set boundaries, and have a sense of self-worth.
Don’t sacrifice your contentment just for the sake of being liked by someone. If they don’t like you when you’re making yourself happy, they’re not right for you anyway.
5. Don’t compare yourself to others.
Be your own unique self, and don’t compare yourself to other people. Don’t make someone else’s life your standard of happiness. Most likely, this person’s life is not as amazing as it seems to you anyway.
Be careful about comparing yourself to people that you see on social media too. Keep in mind that everyone makes their life look much better than it really is, especially when it comes to social media.
Unrealistic standards will just keep making you miserable, so strive for something that you can actually have—something that you want, not something that you think others have.
After all, happiness might not mean the same to you as it does to them. Find what makes you happy, not what you think would make you happy because it seems to make someone else’s life better.
6. Let go of the past.
Maybe you had a difficult past that used to make you miserable. You’re in the present now though, so try to leave it behind you. It’s easier said than done, but you have to let go of the past to start living your life.
Try to forgive yourself and those who have hurt you. Don’t let the events of your past create problems in your present as well as in your future. You can leave all that baggage behind.
If you find it difficult to do this all on your own, seek the help of a therapist. They’ll help you come to terms with what happened so you can move on.
7. Don’t talk poorly about yourself.
You are making yourself miserable if you engage in negative self-talk. Don’t put yourself down. You should treat yourself as you would treat a close friend or someone else that you care deeply about.
Learn to love yourself and show yourself love. When you start engaging in negative self-talk, challenge your negative thoughts. Are the things that you’re telling yourself really true, or are they the product of a dark cloud over your head?
Think about your positive qualities and remind yourself that there are plenty of things that are great about you. Remind yourself of your accomplishments too.
When it comes to the things that you don’t like about yourself, decide whether you want to accept them as a part of who you are or work on improving them. Either is fine, and both are better than engaging in negative self-talk just because you don’t like certain things about yourself.
8. Set short-term goals.
Achieving a goal makes a person feel good about themselves. It’s an accomplishment that boosts your self-esteem. In addition, goal setting gives you something to work toward and look forward to.
Think about your long-term goals, but find something that you can achieve in less time too. Set short-term goals. Once you achieve them, you’ll be more motivated to realize your long-term goals as well.
Get used to feeling accomplished, and you won’t be able to feel miserable. These goals can be anything you want. They can be related to your professional life, self-improvement, or anything else that would make you happy.
9. Make small changes.
Consider your habits. These behavioral patterns can be healthy or unhealthy. In your case, it’s probably the latter.
However, trying to change the entire lifestyle that you’re used to can make you feel overwhelmed.
You might give up on making any changes because there are too many of them that need to be made.
Don’t do this.
Understand that you can’t change everything all at once. Drastic changes require time.
So, instead of thinking about everything that you’d like to change, start making small adjustments. Stick to them until they turn into habits.
Remember, small changes might not make you happy, but they’re sure to make you happier than you are now.
We really do recommend that you seek professional help from one of the therapists at BetterHelp.com as professional therapy can be highly effective in helping you to feel less miserable.
10. Expect good things to happen.
A lot of the time, what you expect ends up happening. Your negative thoughts could be contributing to the events in your life. If you are just looking for proof that you were right, you will find it.
So, if you always expect bad things to happen, try to adopt a brighter perspective. When you think about the worst-case scenarios, switch your focus to other things that are just as likely to happen but aren’t that bad. In fact, you might be able to expect good things to happen.
Try to be more optimistic. Sure, bad things won’t stop happening, but you’ll notice the good things that you might not have been able to see amidst all that negativity.
11. Show gratitude.
It’s easy to stay miserable if you take things for granted. It prevents you from noticing, let alone appreciating, the little things that could otherwise bring you joy.
Show gratitude by thinking of all the things that you’re grateful for, writing them down, volunteering, or showing kindness to others.
Don’t be miserable because you don’t have a big bank account; be grateful that your bank account is big enough to keep you warm and safe.
Consider this: when someone hurts their leg and can’t walk for a while, they think differently once they walk again. They discover that they can appreciate being able to walk even though they never thought about it before the injury.
So, there’s no limit to what you can be grateful for, and you don’t have to wait for something bad to happen to remind you of the things that you take for granted. Be grateful for being alive and show it by living your life the best you can and making yourself happy.
12. Write in a journal.
Writing things down often brings clarity. So, use a journal to write about your thoughts and feelings. If you must write down your negative thoughts, try to find a way to rephrase them into positive ones.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as adding a “but” or “and.” When you write down “I’m not happy with my body weight,” simply add “and I can change that with some effort.”
It’s actually quite easy to challenge negative thoughts and prove them wrong. So, write in a journal and work on adopting a more positive mindset.
13. Do something creative.
Just like an accomplishment can make you feel great about yourself, so can creating something, which is an accomplishment too!
So, do something creative. Writing, painting, playing an instrument, or any other form of art can turn into your new hobby and bring you joy.
Creating art is not the only option though, so feel free to try all sorts of fun crafts and DIY projects that you like. Let your imagination run wild and come up with something that you could keep in your home to bring you positive vibes.
14. Find positive distractions.
When your mind is making you miserable, occupy it with something that can keep it busy. Listen to music or a podcast, watch your favorite TV show, clean your apartment, or read a book.
You might not be in control of which thoughts you start thinking. However, you do have some control over whether you’ll keep thinking about them or switch your focus to something else.
Make it easier for yourself to reach for a positive distraction by setting them up around your apartment.
For instance, make sure that there’s a book you want to read on your nightstand. Make a list of movies that you’d like to see, or create a make-me-happy playlist to listen to when you’re feeling down. You can even have a table for crafts ready with all the tools displayed.
The easier it is to notice the positive distraction, the more likely you are to remember it and use it.
15. Learn a new skill.
Learning a new skill is another form of accomplishment, and it gives you something to do instead of feeling miserable. In addition, what you choose to learn might bring you joy at the same time.
Learn to cook or dance, learn a new language, or learn to drive. There are a lot of classes and lessons to choose from, so find something that you think you’ll be passionate about.
Maybe you always wanted to learn how to sing or how to make cocktails. Learn now! Growth is achieved through learning, and a new skill might even come in useful in your professional life as well.
Do you have some existing skills that you could improve upon? For instance, having better communication skills could help you both in your professional and personal life. So, dedicate some time to self-improvement and work on having a life that makes you happy, or at least less miserable.
16. Find a hobby.
When you genuinely enjoy doing something just for the sake of doing it in the first place, it can make you incredibly happy. Plus, having a few hobbies takes away a good portion of your free time that you might otherwise have spent obsessing over negative things.
So, think about what you could be passionate about. Maybe you’d like to start a collection, join an improv class, or compete in a sport. Finding a hobby is a great way to keep your mind occupied and make yourself happy, but not just that. It’s also an opportunity to meet new people who share your interests.
If you can’t think of a hobby that could make you happy, try different things, and you are likely to find one that brings you joy.
17. Get outside.
Sometimes, all it takes to change your outlook on life is to change your environment. Step outside and go for a walk when you’re feeling down. Spend more time outside, among people as well as in nature.
Spending some time in nature could help you relax and focus on the present. Don’t close yourself inside your home. Head outdoors into the sunshine! Let the mere fact that the day is sunny and warm cheer you up. Enjoy the fresh air and soak in the environment around you.
18. Improve your home environment.
Your environment certainly has an impact on how you feel. Do you feel good in your home? Even if you do, there are certainly ways that you can improve upon your current situation.
Make sure that your place is clean and organized, and add some décor and a personal touch. Decorate with things that make you feel good, such as candles, flowers, and artwork.
Personalize your space by displaying your collections, rewards, and objects that represent positive memories. If your home is full of things that represent bad memories, pack them up in a box, and leave them somewhere out of sight.
Bring positive vibes into your home and make sure that it’s the place where you feel comfortable and most at ease.
19. Find positive entertainment.
The entertainment that you enjoy also has an impact on the way you think and feel. For instance, you might choose to listen to sad songs when you’re down because you can relate to them. You could watch movies that make you think about all the bad things that exist in this world.
Alternatively, you could listen to songs that cheer you up and watch movies that bring back your faith in humanity, or at least make you laugh.
Find positive entertainment instead of entertainment that just increases your misery. Music can have a huge therapeutic effect on you, so find songs that make you feel good about yourself and life in general.
20. Talk to a friend.
When you’re feeling down, reach for help. Talk to a trusted friend or a family member about your problems. Let them give you support, advice, or a shoulder to cry on. However, avoid complaining about everything all the time.
You could also talk to your friend or family member about other things to distract yourself from your problems. Give your friend the opportunity to cheer you up by discussing some positive things that are going on, and let them talk about themselves too. Sometimes, this can help even more than focusing solely on the problem that you’re experiencing.
When it’s not possible to talk to a loved one, talk to a therapist. If you choose to talk to a professional, you’re not just allowed to talk about your problems the entire time, you’re encouraged to. They can offer ways to deal with the problem and help you stop being miserable.
21. Make yourself happy.
You can’t rely on outside sources for your happiness; you should know how to make yourself happy all on your own.
For instance, maybe you could take a bath with a glass of wine after a hard day at work instead of complaining about your day to a friend. It’s actually pretty simple; find what makes you happy and do it as much as possible (if it’s not bad for you or for anyone else).
Maybe you enjoy gardening or hiking. Make yourself happy by doing that as often as you can. If you enjoy gardening, bring some plants into your home. If you like hiking, go for a hike whenever you’re feeling down.
Find ways to incorporate your likes into your daily life and do what you love whenever you can.
22. Identify the problems that are making you miserable…
Finally, you need to get to the root of the problem to resolve it. What is making you miserable, and what can you do about it? The answer to this question could change your life, but it’s probably not a simple one.
Know that you can change your life if you put enough effort into it and persist until you get to where you want to be. The reasons behind your misery might be in your subconscious or in your past. So, you may need the help of a therapist to identify your issues.
If your present is making you miserable, make a plan that would lead to a happier future. Every day you get a chance to create your future, so set goals and work toward the life that you want.
23. …And work on them with a therapist.
Regardless of your willpower and efforts, you might still find it difficult to stop being miserable. Don’t give up. Reach out to someone who can help you. Things aren’t going to change all on their own, so find someone who can give you a helping hand.
You need to understand that there’s no quick fix for your problem. However, if you persist in trying to become happier, with the right help, you can get there faster than you think.
So, use the advice that you’ve read in this article, but don’t hesitate to get help from a therapist. They can advise you based on the specifics of your situation and offer more ways to stop being miserable.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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