We all develop habitual patterns of thinking based on the way we interpret life. In many cases, these habitual patterns are negative and what psychology calls “cognitive biases.” A cognitive bias is defined as an error in thinking that affects decision-making and judgments.
As Very Well Mind tells us, understanding your subtle toxic thought patterns and cognitive biases is an important way to improve your mental health, physical health, peace of mind, and overall happiness. The following examples are some of these cognitive biases and negative thought patterns that you will want to be aware of.
1. Catastrophizing (thinking the worst).
To catastrophize is to automatically assume the worst outcome, typically without having any evidence that things will go badly. It’s an almost instinctual reaction where your mind just automatically jumps to the worst-case scenario. If you’re unaware of this habit, then you may find that it affects your decision-making.
For example, as someone who lived with chronic depression for years, my mind would automatically jump to the assumption that anything I tried was doomed to failure. The result of that thinking is that I just wouldn’t do things. Why bother if they’re just going to go badly? It was an error in thinking caused by the natural way that depression colors everything so negatively.
2. Taking things personally.
Some people have a habit of taking things personally that have no real connection to them. People with low self-esteem or self-worth may take the blame for the unfavorable actions of others because they feel like it’s their fault, even if they had nothing to do with it. Dr. Audrey Reille writes that if we are in the habit of blaming ourselves, it becomes a self-fulfilling cycle of regular blame.
For example, this person may think they did something wrong if a friend cancels their plans with them. The cancellation may have nothing at all to do with them. It could just be that the friend had something else come up, or they can’t make it. It’s not a reflection on who they are as a person, but they can’t help but take it personally.
3. Having unfair expectations of yourself and others.
A person who has unfair expectations puts a lot of unnecessary stress on themselves and others. Rigid, high expectations may not be able to match up with reality, which fuels anger, guilt, and resentment. Not everyone is keen to live up to your expectations. You may not be keen to live up to anyone else’s expectations either if you have different values or goals.
For example, you may think that you should be further along in your life and career by now. Well, if you compare yourself to how other people are doing, then you may feel that way. However, it doesn’t really count for anything other than making you feel worse. Your life may be on an entirely different timetable.
4. Discounting positivity.
You may acknowledge your success or positive traits, but then downplay them as though you don’t deserve to have that positivity. This kind of thought process trains your mind not to appreciate the positive things that do come into your life, and some positivity inevitably will, one way or another.
For example, you may have worked hard on a project, and it did exceptionally well. Instead of accepting that you can work hard and receive positive feedback, you may instead attribute it to luck, shift the praise onto others, or just say it’s no big deal. You need to be able to accept that you did a good job because you worked hard on it.
5. Believing you know what someone else is thinking (mind reading).
Mind reading is a problematic thought process because you can’t actually know what someone else is thinking, and we often assume that what they are thinking is negative. Instead, we have to rely on other people to articulate how they feel and not jump to conclusions without their input. You may find that you are completely off once you know what they do think.
For example, you may think that because someone didn’t smile at you, they think you’re annoying. That kind of thought process is rooted in poor self-esteem. It assumes the worst through the lens of mind reading, but also in taking that situation personally, which may not have anything to do with you at all. Maybe that person just didn’t feel like smiling, and it had zero to do with you.
6. All-or-nothing thinking.
Unfortunately, the world is not a black and white place. Instead, it’s a vast spectrum of gray areas where it can be hard to categorize something as just good or bad. People who struggle with all-or-nothing thinking often find it difficult to see these gray areas or conceptualize ideas within them. They aren’t able to see nuance so well, and have a difficult time finding middle ground with others and tolerating compromise.
That’s often because when you make a compromise with someone, neither of you walks away happy. A compromise is meeting in the middle at a point where both of you can live with the solution, not necessarily one that you both like. In fact, if one of you walks away happy and satisfied, it’s likely that it wasn’t a compromise at all.
7. Confusing emotional reasoning with objectivity.
Many people confuse their feelings with the confirmation of an objective truth. That is, it must be wrong because I feel it’s wrong, or it must be right because I feel it’s right. In fact, that also ties into all-or-nothing thinking because there are a lot more truths than there are feelings about it. It may be that the way you feel is completely off and based on an incorrect perception of the truth. You aren’t thinking critically about the situation.
For example, you may be mad at your friend for not showing up to a meeting. You may feel they are rude and inconsiderate for doing that to you. And while that could be true, it may also be that the friend couldn’t show up because they had a family emergency that stole their attention and focus. Yes, the feelings you had may feel real, but not every emotion we experience is an accurate reflection of reality.
8. Identifying with your thoughts.
Many people believe that their thoughts define who they are, rather than just seeing a thought as a fleeting moment in time. Thoughts don’t necessarily reflect reality. And in many cases, the reality that the thoughts do reflect isn’t a wholly accurate interpretation of what they are experiencing. The way we think can be influenced by so many external factors that our thoughts often prove to be unreliable.
For example, you may think that you’re a bad person, so you must be a bad person. In fact, it’s more likely that you’ve just done some bad things or made some wrong choices in your life. Everyone does that, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you or they are bad people. Sometimes people do bad things, but it doesn’t mean they’re bad. It just means they’re human.
9. Making negative comparisons.
It’s easy to fall into a habit of feeling like you never have enough or you’re not good enough. Life can be hard, and it’s that much harder when we aren’t satisfied with what we have. Too many people spend their time making comparisons with others and envying what other people have, without stopping to appreciate what’s all around them. That’s a big problem because someone will always be better off than you.
For example, maybe a friend is more successful than you are, so you feel like you’re behind or not good enough. Well, their success really has nothing to do with you. In fact, if you look at your own life, there are probably measures of success that you’re not giving their due credit. Not everyone is on the same playing field, and that’s okay.
Final thoughts…
The quality of our thoughts determines the quality of our lives. It’s now well established that these cognitive biases and distortions not only affect our mental health but are linked to poorer physical health and chronic pain. So it’s well worth trying to realign your thoughts if you find yourself thinking in these ways. The more negatively you think, the more negativity tends to stick around in your life. It’s hard to grow positivity out of negativity.
It’s not easy, but awareness of these negative thoughts and your cognitive biases is the first step to controlling and changing them. In turn, that can help change your attitude and significantly boost your overall mood and peace of mind.
