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Do you find yourself arguing with everyone?
Would you like to stop?
Truth is, arguments are a natural part of the human experience. Sometimes you’re going to disagree with people, even people you love.
Tempers will run high, harsh words may be exchanged, and the whole situation can quickly devolve into a full-blown argument with hostility and hurt feelings.
Even worse, some people have difficulty letting things go that shouldn’t stick with them at all. They may take offense to things, insist on arguing over important things, and cannot find peace of mind.
The problem with arguing often and with everyone is that anger isolates you. People don’t want to spend their time around angry and argumentative people. It’s exhausting and taxing on relationships at best. At worst? It can destroy friendships and relationships.
So, if you want to stop arguing with everyone for more peace in your life and mind, consider the following tips.
1. Let people be wrong.
People are going to be wrong sometimes. Not only will they be wrong, but they may also refuse to see that they are wrong.
It is a huge waste of your time and energy to constantly worry about correcting the wrong. You will find yourself in many arguments and debates, many in bad faith, that go absolutely nowhere.
No amount of arguing will cause a person deeply entrenched in their wrong beliefs to change their mind. Most people don’t want to be convinced or shown that they are wrong.
And when you do show them that they’re wrong? Many people don’t take that with grace or acceptance.
Learn to identify the battles worth fighting. Sure, some arguments are worth having, particularly about subjects that might be hurtful or demeaning to others. But, if it’s not that serious, just set it down and walk away. You don’t have to try to correct them.
2. Avoid controversial subjects.
An old saying is that “polite company does not discuss politics, religion, or money.” And the reason is these three subjects are almost guaranteed to start an argument that will not go anywhere.
The foundation of peoples’ beliefs is often built in their childhood and reinforced by their life experiences. Arguing against that is typically a lesson in futility.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy discussion about those things. But many people can’t help but get heated over these things they feel passionately about.
That’s why the saying is “polite company.” But, of course, the company may become not so polite in short order. So, know who you’re talking to and whether or not it’s a conversation worth having unless you’re aiming to be pissed off and frustrated.
3. Don’t bottle up your emotions.
Emotions need to flow like water in a river. They are temporary feelings that should come and go if they are allowed to flow the way they should. That is, you allow yourself to feel what you feel, address why you’re feeling it, and then work toward a meaningful resolution.
But not everyone can do that well. Instead, some people dam up their emotions. They swallow them down and bottle them up where they can build and build. Letting those emotions build creates stress and pressure that wouldn’t otherwise be a problem.
Sooner or later, the dam will burst, and you’ll have to deal with those emotions. But unfortunately, that can cause a tidal wave of anger, aggression, and resentment, which can spiral into arguments.
A better approach is to let off a little bit of that pressure at a time. Sure, you may not be able to stop your life to deal with some troubling emotions right now. But you can set aside time later when you first get up in the morning or on a quiet day to dig through and unpack them.
4. Let the past be the past.
Anyone who is in any relationship will inevitably run into conflicts. The best thing you can do is resolve them as quickly as they happen. Of course, life doesn’t always work out that way, but that’s the best approach.
Assuming you can resolve those issues, you will eventually face times when these problems could be relevant again. One surefire way to start another argument is to dredge up past mistakes that have already been taken care of.
Do not do this.
If the problem was addressed and forgiveness granted, let that problem stay in the past where it belongs.
Instead, focus on the problem right here, right now. That way, you can find a way to peacefully resolve the issue and move on instead of wasting your time swimming through the same garbage that you already did.
Your friends and loved ones will resent you for bringing up these past transgressions. But if there are problems in the past that haven’t been taken care of, it’s a good idea to try to get them sorted out.
5. Try to understand their point of view, even if you disagree.
Arguments often stem from misunderstandings and miscommunication. Sometimes we are so quick to jump to the conclusion we think is correct that we fail to consider the issue from the other person’s perspective.
Really take the time to understand the other person’s point of view and why they think what they do. They may have an additional perspective that you don’t which can dramatically change the context of whatever it is you’re arguing about.
On the other hand, maybe you see their point of view and disagree with it. That’s okay. It happens. That’s where the phrase “agree to disagree” comes into play.
You don’t have to spend time trying to argue someone out of a position or opinion. The actual truth may be that you’re both shades of right but don’t totally agree.
6. Avoid shouting.
Nothing sparks off anger and escalation like shouting. Productive conversation rarely happens when people are screaming at each other about who’s right and who’s wrong. You can almost guarantee that a tense situation will escalate into an argument if one of the involved parties starts shouting.
Avoid it. Approach the situation from a calm and collected mental space. If you’re getting too heated to have the conversation, ask to take a break until you can cool down.
Reasonable people will generally be okay with this approach because they probably don’t want to argue.
7. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn into fights.
Some people like to fight, and others like to argue. There’s a difference.
In this context, we’re considering the act of fighting as a defensive means of communication that may or may not be trying to find a resolution.
Other people like to argue, and the spirit of arguing is more like debating. They enjoy the wits required and the back and forth of it.
But some people don’t know where and how to get their debates healthily. Some people that enjoy arguing will pick fights about sensitive discussions because they know it’ll get a rise out of someone. That’s not something you can control.
What you can control is how you respond to it.
If someone is trying to press you about something you don’t want to talk about, ask them to stop. They should stop. But if they don’t, you know they are likely trying to start an argument with you for whatever reason. It may be necessary to ignore them or physically remove yourself from the area.
8. Don’t take it personally.
Other people will be angry and frustrated and experience negative emotions regularly. That’s just part of the human experience.
However, it is important to remember that other people’s emotions aren’t your responsibility.
Granted, you may be responsible for causing some negative emotions. For example, maybe you got angry and frustrated with them, made some snippy comments, and now they are angry and frustrated with you.
But if you didn’t cause it, it’s not your problem or responsibility to sweep up. It’s not your place to argue or even get involved. Let other people be mad if that’s what they need to be.
Don’t swoop in to fix the problem or get involved if you don’t need to be. It’ll be much easier for you to avoid those conflicts.
9. Defuse the situation by offering to listen.
Pay attention to the person you’re talking to. Are they getting agitated? Irritated? You can change the whole course of the conversation by just pausing to ask, “Hey, are you okay? Do you need a minute or for me to listen to you?”
This approach can end an argument before it ever happens because you’re disrupting the buildup of an argument. Unless the person has emotional regulation problems, an argument will typically build up over time. That time may be long, like days or weeks of unresolved conflict. It may be short, like over the course of minutes as you have the conversation.
Whatever it may be, stop to ask if they’re okay if they seem like they are getting irritated. You may also suggest returning to the situation later or tomorrow after you both have had more time to cool off.
10. Reduce your time on social media.
Social media is undermining happiness regularly. Several studies have shown that social media harms positive emotions, causes and amplifies depression and anxiety, and offers a perception of a distorted world.
Much of what you see trending on social media relates to engagement. And no one is more engaged than angry people. So, they will rant and rave on posts based on headlines of articles they didn’t read because they get off on anger—theirs and others’.
To be angry at the world and others is to be so immersed in your own worldview and opinions that it just becomes a self-perpetuating force. A person who’s angry because of something that happens isn’t necessarily doing anything to make the situation better. But, of course, they will be more than happy to spew vitriol onto social media because it’s easy, and they don’t have to do anything. There’s no sacrifice to make things better.
So, if you’re an avid social media user, really consider what your feed looks like. Mute people, unfollow those spreading fear and anger, and cultivate an experience that will be positive and more healthy for you. Social media can be a wonderful thing if you are protective of what you allow on your feed.
Doing so can reduce your overall stress and tension and not fill your mind with things that will make you angry and argumentative.
Still not sure how you can refrain from arguing with everyone all the time? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
We really recommend you speak to a therapist rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to work out why you feel the need to be so argumentative and offer tailored advice to help you stop.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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