Has your husband recently embraced his feminine side?
Are you finding this change in him challenging?
If you are confused or uncomfortable about your husband’s new-found femininity and are unsure how to navigate your changing relationship dynamic, you are not alone.
Many women struggle to reconcile their expectations of traditional gender roles with the reality of a husband who embraces more feminine characteristics.
In the 5 minutes it will take you to read this article, you’ll discover some tips for approaching this topic with an open mind and heart, so that you can find a path forward that works for both you and your partner.
1. Don’t make assumptions.
First things first, you shouldn’t make assumptions about your husband because he’s more feminine than some other men.
Being feminine doesn’t mean that your husband is gay or looking to transition genders. Of course, it can mean these things, so you should find that out from him, not jump to conclusions.
Maybe he is just a sensitive man with a daily skincare routine and a love for shopping. Don’t put him in some box based on these things. You most certainly shouldn’t assume his sexual orientation. This is something that he’ll need to tell you himself.
A lot of straight men put significant effort into taking care of their appearance and are into some hobbies that might be considered feminine, such as dancing or cooking. This doesn’t mean that they are gay.
On the other hand, it’s wrong to assume that your husband is straight too. He might be bisexual or transsexual.
Whatever the case, you shouldn’t assume. Have an open and honest talk with him about it, and let him open up to you if he thinks he may be bi, gay, or trans.
2. Don’t rely on stereotypes.
It’s easy to consider things as more or less feminine if you’re looking at outdated stereotypes, but don’t try to put your husband into any boxes.
Just because he likes musicals and romantic comedies doesn’t make him any less of a man.
A lot of things that we considered feminine are now widely popular with men, such as cooking and dancing, shopping, or grooming.
Don’t rely on stereotypes when it comes to feminine and even gay men. A feminine man is not necessarily a gay man, and a gay man is not necessarily a feminine man.
Look at your husband aside from all the boxes and stereotypes that you’ve heard of and focus on him as an individual that has unique traits.
Once you look at these traits as more unique than feminine, you might realize that your husband is just embracing what he likes, and some of these things are often liked by women too. That might be all there is to it.
3. Don’t make fun of him.
You most certainly shouldn’t make fun of your husband, his sense of style, his grooming routine, or anything else that you consider to be feminine.
Don’t call the things he does “girly” or ask him to “man up” when he’s pursuing his interests that might be more on the feminine side.
Maybe he likes ballet and has more cosmetic products than you do, but he shouldn’t feel ashamed because of it. You need to make him feel like he’s in a safe space when he’s with you.
Odds are his mates are already making fun of some of his feminine traits or habits. He doesn’t need to get that from you.
Make him feel like you’re always on his side, and be proud of him. Avoid labeling things as feminine or masculine altogether.
If your husband is a man who likes to dress up, he is still a man, so dressing up isn’t really feminine. See it that way and you might realize that your husband just likes certain things that other men often don’t pay enough attention to.
Hey, if you like him looking good, you can’t dislike him for putting effort into it! Even if he puts in more effort than you!
4. Don’t insult him.
Ban the words “sissy,” “queer,” and any other similar insults from your vocabulary.
Don’t insult your man by saying that he’s not “a real man” either. If your husband is feminine, he is probably also sensitive. Even people with tough skin can’t handle some of these nasty slurs without getting hurt.
Don’t phrase an insult as a joke either. It’s not going to be funny to your man if you call his interests girly.
Again, it would be a wise choice to ditch all the feminine and masculine stereotypes altogether. See your man as a unique individual, and don’t insult him by comparing him to other men.
Don’t ever say things like, “You could be more like Mark, he is a real man,” or “I wish I was with someone more manly.” It could hurt him deeply, and it is not going to help with your situation.
Your husband should be proud of who he is no matter how feminine, so don’t make him feel embarrassed, especially in public.
5. Don’t be jealous of his friends.
Feminine men usually have a lot of female friends, and this is why it’s important not to be jealous. Your husband is probably going to spend a lot of time surrounded by other women, but you need to trust him.
Don’t assume that he’s interested in some of his guy friends either. If he’s not already gay, he is not going to wake up one day and leave you for one of his pals, so let him hang out with his guy friends.
As for the female friends, don’t assume that your husband is micro-cheating by having a bond with another woman. Feminine men can have very close relationships with women without them turning into something more than friendship.
6. Stay open-minded.
Maybe your husband is going to want to experiment with his sexuality or embrace his feminine traits. Stay open-minded when you talk to him about all this, and be open to experimenting with things that you’re comfortable with.
He probably has different interests than you. Consider learning more about the things he likes and see if you can enjoy some of them together.
For instance, maybe he likes making scented candles, and you could create your own collection together. Turn it into a date night under the light of the candles, and you’ve got yourself a great evening!
However, your husband might suggest something sexual that you’re not comfortable with. Maybe he would like to try on feminine clothes or have a threesome with you and one of his guy friends. No one is telling you that you need to agree to these things, but make sure to keep an open mind while you discuss them with him.
7. Support and respect him.
Your husband needs your respect and support regardless of his feminine traits. Don’t think of him as less of a man for being feminine. He will sense this even if you don’t say it, and it will hurt him.
Instead, respect him for the man he is, with all of his traits, including the feminine ones.
Show your support by encouraging him to pursue his interests, learn more about them, and engage in the activities he likes.
Make him feel safe to open up to you about anything that bothers him, and be there for him when he needs you. Stand by him if someone else tries to insult him, and show him that you’ve got his back.
Even if you don’t like some of his feminine traits or hobbies, you should still show your support if they matter to him. If you love him, you have to love all the parts that make him who he is, even if you don’t like all of them.
8. Encourage his interests.
Maybe your husband likes shopping, dancing, cooking, and other activities that might be considered feminine. Encourage his interests, learn more about them, and try to do more things together.
Don’t be afraid of experimenting with something new. If your husband has a skincare routine and you don’t, let him teach you!
You have to understand that he loves his interests, even if they make him feminine, and you need to take an interest in the things he cares about. If it’s shopping for new hair products, then so be it! Don’t stop being a part of his life just because you like different things.
A lot of women actually wish that their husbands would engage in some feminine activities, such as shopping for new clothes. Enjoy the benefits of having a feminine husband and help each other pick the best clothes!
9. Focus on your shared interests.
Okay, so maybe you like different things, but what do you both enjoy?
Focus on your shared interests and common values. Feminine men often have interests that a lot of women like, so see if you can embrace some of the things he enjoys.
For instance, maybe you don’t like shopping that much, but you would enjoy it if he picked your outfits and advised you on your style. Maybe you don’t like cooking, but you sure enjoy having a nice meal, so you could be his gourmet critic.
Don’t look at his feminine traits as something that separates you; look at them as something you have in common.
So what if he spends more time getting ready than you do? Maybe he could help you get ready too, and you could have a fun makeover before the date.
10. Don’t expect him to change.
Don’t push for your man to be someone he’s not. Assume that he’s not going to change and accept him the way he is.
If you keep expecting him to change, you will put a tremendous amount of pressure on him, you won’t love him for who he is, and you won’t be happy until he changes for real, which might never happen.
A lot of women stay in bad relationships because they’re hoping that the guy they’re with will eventually change. They rarely do though, and being a feminine man is no exception.
Learn to be happy with your husband the way he is, and unless his behavior is toxic or hurting you in some other way, don’t ask him to change.
Maybe he loves who he is but would begrudgingly change to please you. Neither of you would be happy if that were to happen.
11. Love him for who he is.
You need to learn to love your husband for who he is, not who you think he should be. So what if he has some feminine traits or hobbies? Unless this harms your marriage, it shouldn’t be an obstacle to a happy one.
Consider whether he’s always been like this. Or has he recently become more feminine? Either way, learn to accept him for who he is now.
Focus on his positive traits and the benefits of being with a feminine man. Remember the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place.
Hey, maybe it was his sensitive, feminine side that convinced you to say “yes” when he proposed! Even if he didn’t display as many feminine characteristics back then, they’re a part of him now. You need to love all the parts that make him who he is, including the feminine ones.
12. Consider what bothers you.
What is it that bothers you about your husband being feminine?
Are you afraid that he’s going to leave you if he’s gay? Do you worry that you’ll become more masculine because of his feminine traits? Is he hurting you with some of his behavior that might be considered feminine?
Identify what exactly bothers you and think about specific examples that portray the hurtful behavior. For instance, maybe he has mood swings that would put a teenager to shame. Or does he gossip a lot with his female friends?
You can’t just tell him that it bothers you that he’s feminine and that he should be a real man. That will just hurt him, and you’re not going to see any improvement. Think of specific examples that you could bring up in the conversation with him to explain your point of view.
13. Communicate openly and honestly.
The good thing about feminine guys is that they’re usually great communicators and can handle conflict well. So, communicate openly and honestly with your husband and tell him what’s bothering you without insulting him or making fun of him or his feminine traits.
Don’t focus too much on his feminine side at all. Mention the things that bother you, but focus on how the two of you could make your marriage work, not how he should change who he is.
Don’t talk about how your marriage would be better if he was less feminine. Talk about how you could improve your marriage without him losing his feminine traits.
For instance, maybe you could start practicing one of his hobbies with him or you could go on more date nights. You should communicate openly and honestly, and feel free to pour your soul out when it comes to the feminine traits that bother you.
However, don’t make the entire conversation about that, focus on how to make your marriage work.
14. Set boundaries.
You should set boundaries with your husband but also with other people. Don’t let anyone else use nasty slur words to describe your man. Stand up for him when someone makes fun of his feminine features, and build a support group with family and friends that will make him feel safe.
However, don’t forget to set boundaries with him too. For instance, you don’t mind if he dresses up for a date night, but you would prefer that he not wear feminine clothes. While you shouldn’t dictate what your partner wears, this is a simple example of what could be crossing the line in your opinion.
You have a right to your opinion, and you decide where the line is. However, don’t forget that your husband is a unique individual with the right to choose how he wants to live.
You can express what your boundaries are, but if he wants to cross some lines—like getting into cross-dressing—that’s his choice. You need to respect his decisions even if they end up being harmful to your marriage.
Don’t forget that you always have the option to end the marriage if he is no longer the man you fell in love with, but you still need to respect him.
15. Celebrate diversity.
Embrace the fact that your husband is feminine and celebrate diversity. We are all different and unique, and that’s what makes life special. Celebrate the differences instead of letting them tear you apart.
Be proud of your husband for expressing his feminine side and learn to enjoy the benefits that come from it.
For now, you should know that diversity is a good thing, even in a marriage.
16. Enjoy the benefits of having a feminine husband.
Most importantly, there are huge benefits to having a feminine husband that you might have neglected to consider.
As already mentioned, some women dream about a feminine husband whom they can take shopping or dancing.
Your husband is probably also very sensitive and in tune with his emotions. More masculine men often keep their emotions to themselves, so learn to appreciate this side of your husband.
Feminine men are often great communicators and usually resolve conflict easily. This is a huge benefit in a marriage where conflict is bound to happen every now and then.
Your husband may engage in activities that typically interest women, so consider going shopping, cooking together, dancing, or taking part in anything else that you’d both enjoy.
17. Be patient.
So, maybe your husband wasn’t always feminine. Even if he was, maybe he is not always going to be this feminine. People change, and you need to be patient with your husband as he explores his sexuality and gender. He may be as confused as you are.
Give him some time to figure out who he is and what he wants, and be there for him throughout the process.
It’s a great idea to consider counseling if you’re struggling, but you could also try talking to a therapist on your own. For now, you need to understand that counseling, or generally improving your marriage, will take time.
18. Talk to a therapist.
In the end, you can always talk to a therapist who can help you navigate your situation. It’s also a great idea to try couples counseling.
A therapist can phrase what you want to say so that it doesn’t hurt your husband’s feelings. They can also give you more tips on how to deal with your husband’s feminine side.
Your husband’s femininity may be a delicate subject, but that shouldn’t stop you from discussing it, especially if it is affecting your feelings for him and your relationship.