People who believe in themselves tend to be much more successful in their life goals than those who do not. If you’re struggling to believe in yourself, and you feel that’s holding you back from where you’d like to be, then put these 12 things into practice immediately:
1. Work on overwriting your past negative programming.
You might have been raised with the belief that people of your gender, ethnic background, or disability will never get far in life. According to Psych Central, finding new evidence is crucial to replace the unhelpful (and inaccurate) evidence you have accumulated over your life.
Work on overwriting this type of programming by learning about people like you who both achieved and surpassed their goals, therefore disproving what others tried to inundate you with.
2. Be meticulous with your word, especially with promises you make to yourself.
Many people lose faith in themselves when they don’t honor promises that they’ve made. Ensure that you keep your word when you make it, even if you need to use apps or phone reminders to keep you on track.
For some people, like those with ADHD, struggles with executive function can absolutely make it harder to keep on top of appointments and commitments, but ADHD adults report some fantastic compensatory strategies to help with this, and modern technology is really useful in this regard.
3. Be cognizant of negative self-talk, and counteract it with truth.
If there were people in your life who told you that you’d never amount to anything, you may parrot their negative comments to yourself. According to the Mayo Clinic, the first step is to bring this to your awareness and identify the types of negative self-talk you engage in. These might include cognitive distortions such as filtering (where you magnify your negative traits or behaviors and filter out the positives) or personalizing (where you automatically blame yourself for something that’s gone wrong, even when there is no evidence to support it).
Once you’ve identified the negative self-talk you’ve inherited, counteract it with truths. For example, if people in your life said you were terrible at math and you’ve learned to believe it, remember that your amazing baking or carpentry skills prove the opposite.
4. Distance yourself from those who put you down.
If you have difficulty believing in yourself, it’s likely that you’ve been surrounded by those who doubt your abilities and have insulted you on a regular basis. Create distance between yourself and those who seem to set you up to fail, and you’ll be surprised at how well you’ll do.
It might be that minimizing contact is enough to reduce the harmful effects they are having on you, but depending on who they are, and what they bring to your life, you may need to consider cutting them out altogether. Psychology Today suggests working through a 5-point checklist before taking that drastic step.
Ask yourself the following questions. Have you actually told them how their behavior is affecting you? Do they bring anything good to your life? Would firmer boundaries make the relationship tenable? Are they being abusive? And finally, how would you practically cut ties, if you decide to? Seriously considering these things will help you decide the best course of action.
5. Make a list of all of your positive attributes and achievements, and keep it nearby.
Everyone has traits about themselves that they like and respect, so write out a list of everything that makes you feel proud about yourself, and hang that somewhere prominent — like on your mirror, or over your desk at home. Glance at it often to remind yourself of how awesome you are. This exposure will help you to counteract any negative programming or self-talk you’re still engaging in.
Similarly, be sure to celebrate all of your achievements, especially the seemingly small or insignificant ones. Did you manage to achieve the three things on your daily “to-do” list? That’s great! Write down what it is you achieved and reward yourself with your favorite takeout. Do this daily and watch your personal success rates soar.
6. Create schedules and protocols.
If you’re prone to losing track of time or missing deadlines, create solid schedules and protocols for yourself. Make hour-by-hour calendar plans, allotting X time towards each of your responsibilities and things you’d like to achieve, and stick to them religiously. Use alarms and reminders to help you do this.
If needed, ask your partner or a friend to help keep you accountable. They can offer reminders or even be with you, either physically or virtually, whilst you complete tasks you find difficult to start or complete. This is known as “body doubling”, and neurodivergent people, such as those who are autistic, ADHD, or both, report finding it particularly beneficial.
7. Take note of your strengths as well as your weaknesses, so you can focus your path accordingly.
A person who’s great at writing but terrible at math isn’t going to go far in the sciences, but may excel as an investigative journalist. By being honest about what you’re good at (and terrible at as well), you can excel in a chosen field that suits your natural talents, and get help where you’re weakest.
8. Make SMART goals to inspire you and keep you motivated.
Few things can help people to believe in themselves like attaining goals that they’ve set for themselves. Make small goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound, and watch your self-confidence soar as you achieve them.
Research has suggested that not only are they effective in helping you achieve goals, but that they can result in more positive affect and greater “need satisfaction”. Need satisfaction refers to the act of fulfilling your basic psychological needs such as autonomy and competence. An increase in need satisfaction means you’ll have a lot more faith in yourself to pursue larger endeavors.
Utilize the strategies available to you and you’ll feel less shame and self-loathing when you realize that you’re recognized for flawless integrity.
9. Reconsider how you view failure.
If you don’t believe in yourself because you feel that you’ve failed at too many things, remember that renowned aerospace scientist Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam said FAIL is an acronym for: “First Attempt in Learning”. You once failed at walking, getting food into your mouth with a spoon, or parallel parking, but look at you now!
10. Be the parent or caregiver you needed when you were younger.
This one might sound strange, but becoming the mentor for yourself that you were always hoping for, can really help you believe in yourself. When you feel that you’ve missed the mark, speak to yourself how you’d speak to a child you cherish — with encouragement, guidance, and respect instead of admonishment.
Final thoughts…
If you’re struggling to get to grips with any of the above, never underestimate the power of a good therapist. You might have blocks to your belief in yourself that you can’t unpack on your own, but a therapist who’s trained in trauma counselling may help you to discover how past experiences have prevented you from cultivating positive self-esteem, thus holding you back from the success you desire.
If you’re neurodivergent, you may find a life or work coach can help you develop and utilize compensatory strategies, like the ones we’ve discussed in this article. Just make sure they are neuroaffirming and will meet you where you’re at, rather than try to change you into someone you’re not. A good coach will recognize and utilize your strengths, as well as supporting you with your challenges.
