Women are raised with so much conflicting information, and a great deal of it is used to manipulate us into behaving the way that other people want us to. Despite all the messages being flung at us from day one, there are some absolute truths that every woman should take note of, and remind themselves of as they mature through life.
1. Your body shape will fluctuate, and that’s absolutely okay.
It’s a lot easier to have body confidence when you’re younger, when skin is unlined and you’re full of energy to channel into regular exercise. Years of wear and tear take their toll, however, which can seriously damage confidence about one’s appearance.
The important thing to remember here is that bodies fluctuate and change all the time. Choose flattering clothes that stretch or wrap around your body instead of being constricting, and try not to fret: your body will likely look different again a few months from now.
2. It’s not “too late” to change or start anew.
As long as you’re still breathing, you can change direction or even start again from scratch. You might adhere to the sunk cost fallacy that tells you that you’d be walking away from invested time, but if you’re miserable, there’s no point in remaining in misery.
Beverly D. Flaxington writes in Psychology Today that the best way to make change happen is to choose one thing that’s depressing or upsetting you, and do whatever is in your capacity to change it. Create milestones (and rewards for reaching them), and move forward from there!
3. Boundaries are vital.
Many women were raised with the idea that they always need to put others first; that they should make themselves smaller to accommodate others’ needs, and to laugh off things that make them uncomfortable to avoid making others feel bad.
This is why boundaries are so important, according to the Mayo Clinic. You get to decide what is and is not acceptable in your own life, and what consequences will occur when your boundaries are broken intentionally, for the sake of your own safety and wellbeing.
4. There is no shame in asking for help with things.
As we age, we become less capable of doing everything for ourselves. For some of us, we no longer have the mental or emotional energy to devote to juggling a thousand things at once, while others may be affected by lessened physical capacity.
No person is an island, and there’s no expectation for any one person to do everything alone. Give others the opportunity to help you out when you need it, the same way you’ve felt privileged to help others when they’ve asked.
5. You deserve courtesy and respect.
Regardless of what other people may have implied over the years, you’re just as worthy of courtesy and respect as anyone else—regardless of your job, age, cultural background, or education.
You’re no less worthy of respect than any other human being, so make sure you don’t accept mistreatment from anyone. Those who point out their inferiors don’t have any, and if there are people in your life who consistently mistreat and disrespect you, consider distancing yourself from them unless their behavior changes immediately.
6. You are not in competition with anyone.
We’re perpetually inundated with messages implying that we’re in constant competition with other women: that we have to fight to look younger, be in better shape, be more physically appealing, smarter, better dressed, and so on, than those around us, or we may risk losing our partners, jobs, or social status to them.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, this dangerous lie causes rifts that don’t need to exist. Focus on being the best version of yourself possible, and avoid comparing yourself to others.
7. Comfort and self-care take priority over aesthetics.
How many of us went clubbing in wintertime without a coat on, or walked miles in high heels because they were “cuter” than flats? Doing things like that on a regular basis has come back to haunt many of us, who now have arthritis, back and foot pain, and other health issues.
It doesn’t matter whether random strangers find your clothing options appealing or not. Wear the comfortable shoes, bundle up in the warm coat, put on a hat as well as sunscreen. Your wellbeing takes precedence over “cuteness”.
8. What random strangers think of you really doesn’t matter.
Some women are paralyzed by anxiety because they’re terrified of what random strangers think of their outfits when they’re grocery shopping. If you fall into this category, put your mind at ease with a very simple exercise:
The next time you’re out shopping, take note of how often you judge what others are wearing instead of focusing on what you’re buying. Chances are high that you’re paying little to no attention to anyone else, right? That’s how everyone else feels too: you’re likely not even on their radar.
9. Perfectionism is unimportant: what matters is how much joy something brings you.
Countless women hold themselves back from pursuits they’d really love because they’re afraid they won’t be amazing at it. This could range from flamenco dancing to painting, as there’s an expectation that unless you’re highly skilled at something, or can monetize it, then it isn’t worth doing.
Nonsense. It’s absolutely okay to be a terrible painter or an uncoordinated dancer. Does this pursuit make you happy? Do you enjoy the process? Then dive into this pursuit with great enthusiasm and enjoy every second of it.
10. Your worth is not dictated by how many people find you attractive.
When you think about the people you love the most, do you adore them because they’re attractive enough to make you want to be intimate with them? Or because they’re wonderful people and you adore them for who they are?
The beauty and fashion industries have preyed on people’s insecurities in order to sell products and services, with messaging that unless you look a certain way, nobody will want you; not even as a friend. In reality, those who are worthy of you will love you exactly as you are.
11. You are not your body: you have a body, but you are the magical energy that inhabits it.
We are far more than the amalgam of cells that we pilot around on a daily basis. Almost all our cells are replaced every seven years, and who we are consists more of the energy within these bodies than our bodies themselves—much like how water is not composed of the vessel that contains it.
This is immensely reassuring when our bodies start to break down over time. Although you’re piloting this vessel, its current state does not reflect the health and richness of your mind, nor your soul.
12. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard.
Most women experience more than their fair share of gaslighting and invalidation over the course of their lives. Especially when we’re younger, we’re often told to “calm down” (even when others are being far more emotional), that we’re overreacting, or asked if we’re sure about the things we think and feel.
Don’t let other people try to undermine you or try to silence you when it comes to what you feel. Trust your instincts, and hold to the idea of speaking your truth even if your voice shakes.
