You’ve done it! You’ve spent decades being a productive member of society and have finally earned the ability to kick back and take some well-deserved rest. Now you can start ticking things off your retirement to-do list and spend endless hours enjoying the peace and quiet you’ve been dreaming of for years.
Only things aren’t working out as you’d planned. Instead of the peace and contentment you anticipated, you’re dealing with emotional upheaval the likes of which you never expected, and you aren’t sure why. The signs below are telltale indicators that retirement isn’t working out the way you’d hoped, and are your cue to take action, sooner rather than later.
1. You feel terribly lonely.
Many people — especially extroverted, highly social types — don’t realize just how lonely retirement can be until they experience it firsthand. If you’ve always been the type to chat enthusiastically with coworkers and clients alike, the silent stillness of retired life can be deafening to experience.
All of a sudden, you might have gone from talking to multiple people every day to not interacting with anyone at all. This is why so many older people are given a hard time about chatting with checkout clerks or store employees: it’s seen as annoying by others, but is often the only social interaction they experience.
Although you may have dreamed about all the great downtime you’d have once you retired, and all the things you’d do without pressing work responsibilities, you’ve discovered that you’re too lonely and despondent to actually enjoy doing any of that anymore.
2. You’re irritable from being overstimulated all the time.
This is the polar opposite of the experience listed above, and usually happens when both partners in a relationship are retired and are home together practically day and night. If you and your spouse have been together for decades, you’ve likely had a significant amount of time apart, thanks to commuting time as well as eight or so hours of work a day.
Suddenly, that alone time is gone. You’re in each other’s pockets day and night without any space to yourselves, so you’re constantly being interrupted or having demands made on your time. You can’t concentrate without hearing them breathing, coughing, crunching on snacks, muttering to themselves, or watching TV for 16 hours straight. It’s maddening, and you may find yourself snapping at them or having regular meltdowns from overstimulation.
3. Feelings of worthlessness.
This is something that many retirees experience: the belief that since they’re no longer so-called productive members of society, they no longer have real worth as human beings. This experience, sometimes referred to as “relevance deprivation syndrome,” is especially common in those who don’t have children or grandchildren to take care of, or who have very limited social circles.
Finding a new sense of purpose after working 260 days a year for over 40 years can be daunting for just about everyone. Most individuals feel quite tired and worn out after working for that long and want to catch up on much-needed rest, which runs counterproductive to their desire to feel like they still hold value to others.
4. Stress or anxiety from lack of daily structure.
For most people, the career they were in for decades offered them a solid time structure that they adhered to quite religiously. If you fell into this category, you likely went to bed around the same time every night, so you were fairly well rested when your alarm clock screamed you awake at the same time the following day. You ate meals at the same time, had strict schedules for errands like grocery shopping and laundry, and were comforted by the rhythm of your days.
As a result, retirement can feel a lot like freefall. You’re suddenly untethered because there are few, if any, demands on your time, and you may feel overwhelmed by how much choice and freedom you now have. This can lead to choice paralysis, which can lead to inaction, self-loathing, and even resultant health issues.
5. Resentment towards others who are still seen as valuable contributors.
Although you might have felt great delight and relief when you first retired and suddenly had so much more free time than your friends and colleagues, that elation may turn to resentment when you hear about the things your peers are up to. Maybe one of your friends secured a huge charitable donation through their work, or one of your former colleagues received the high-ranking promotion you’d always hoped for.
Over time, instead of feeling happy for your friends’ accomplishments, you feel envious and resentful about them. These feelings may be particularly poignant if you felt forced to retire before you were ready to. You may feel as though you still have a lot to give, and your work still has value, but nobody is interested in your contributions anymore.
6. Depression about what the rest of your life may look like.
While you might have felt elated when you first retired because you suddenly had a lot of free time to work with, disenchantment about what your remaining years may look like may set in after a couple of months. The reality of an endless sea of days spent watching golf and eating anti-inflammatory foods can put a damper on your initial enthusiasm about finally not working 40+ hours a week.
Alternatively, you might have been looking forward to a calm, relaxing retirement, but your friends and family members have other ideas. Maybe your adult kids are taking advantage and have volunteered you for grandchild care several times a week without consulting you first, or your community groups make constant demands of your time for meal programs, home visits, and the like. What you thought would be a peaceful respite from work obligations has turned into even greater exhaustion across the board.
7. Stress about financial constraints.
If you had quite a lucrative career, you may have gotten used to spending as much money as you liked on a regular basis. Whether you felt like travelling, redoing your kitchen, buying a new car, or investing in something that sounded interesting, you could do so without a great amount of planning or budget balancing.
Now that you’re retired, you may be on a much more limited budget — especially if you’re relying largely on a pension. Suddenly, you may be seriously constrained about what you can and cannot spend money on, and you might face stressful situations such as having to choose between paying for the medication that’s helping to keep you alive and paying bills or buying enough groceries for the week.
8. Frustration with lack of energy, motivation, or abilities.
Most people retire between the ages of 60 and 70, depending on their location, but retirement can happen at any time after age 50 or so. When you were planning your retirement, you likely had a long list of all the things you wanted to do once you had all that time on your hands.
Some people dream of spending their post-work days writing books, traveling, being creative in various ways, or achieving various goals they couldn’t pursue in their youth. Once they retire, however, they often discover that they no longer have either the energy or the motivation to pursue those things anymore.
The creative drive they once had has faded, their insomnia makes them feel fatigued all the time, their health issues make everyday activities challenging, and so on. If this has been your experience as well, you may feel immense frustration — especially if you’ve been looking forward to doing all of those things for decades, only to have your efforts thwarted by things that are beyond your control.
Final thoughts…
If the signs on this list feel familiar to you, don’t worry: there’s a solution for each and every one of them. Furthermore, you aren’t alone in navigating any of this. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed by obligations or depressed about a lack of purpose, a therapist who’s trained in helping older adults navigate retirement can help you determine the best path forward from here. You get to decide what you’d like the rest of your life to look like, so don’t hesitate to ask for help as needed while you plan it all out.
