There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are getting older and those who are getting older and wiser. If you want to know the difference between the two, there are 9 habits to look out for. And if you want to try to improve the maturity of your own mind, then these habits will also go a long way in helping you get there.
So what habits separate age from wisdom? It’s time to do a little exploring…
1. With maturity, reactions come with self-reflection, not excuses.
Blind reactions to situations life throws your way will tell a lot about the kind of person you’re growing to be, and the same for everybody else, too.
For those who refuse to self-reflect, getting older looks like becoming an older version of the person they always were, without the wisdom that age can offer. They behave in a way that upsets you, or they react badly to something, and all you’ll hear is, “This is just who I am, take it or leave it.”
What does that phrase tell you? It tells you that there is an excuse woven into the very fabric of their character every single time they behave in ways that are negative or disruptive. As age creeps up on them, these people become stuck in their ways rather than taking the time to consider the motivation behind their own behavior and other people’s differences and perspectives.
In contrast, the more emotionally mature out there might prefer to live along the lines of, “How come that affected me the way it did?” or “How come what I said caused offense?” There’s room to self-reflect here, which is a good thing! To know why helps understand how reactions can improve.
2. Maturity means taking responsibility, without heavy blame.
“It wasn’t my fault!”
Sounds like somebody who is trying to get out of being blamed, doesn’t it? A person can perceive what the problem was, but for those who lack emotional maturity, that perception will always be external. That is, it will always be somebody or something else, and never them.
In contrast, those who are becoming wiser and not just older won’t resort to deflection, which is essentially blame-shifting, but will hold ground and make space for their own wrongdoing.
With accountability comes great responsibility, and the mature of mind understands that. A person who can hold their hands up and say, “You know what, that was all me, and I will make it better,” is comfortable with not being perfect. And that’s good, because no one is perfect.
3. Mature people know that outgrowing past opinions is always an option.
Times change, people change. But rigidity of thought and opinion will stick to those who refuse to grow, and trust me, they will make it known to you! You might even be lucky enough to witness an amusing stomp of a foot, or a pout, as those who get older double down on being correct.
A strong sign of the maturing mind is adjusting an opinion when new evidence comes to light, or when facts emerge that you previously might not have known. This is a great sign that a person has great cognitive flexibility. That is, they can adapt their thoughts based on what’s presented to them.
In other words, you’re open-minded and okay with being invited into matters that you previously didn’t know about. Being willing to let those in alone is a sign that you’re of a mature mind.
4. The mature person can say the hard thing, rather than keeping it all easy.
Nobody likes to have difficult conversations, but there’s a huge difference between admitting when one needs to take place and shutting down and pretending everything’s fine in order to prevent one.
What separates those who are maturing from those who are simply getting older is the understanding that it’s these kinds of conversations that are usually the ones worth having.
If it looks marginally uncomfortable, you’ll undoubtedly notice certain people making a run for it, but those will never be the emotionally mature people. Instead, they will walk into the tension with peace in mind, because they know The Thing needs to be addressed, whatever it may be.
If you can make it a habit to tackle the hard moments, then problems really do have the potential to be solved, instead of swept away.
5. Maturity means emotions are regulated, not fired out into the world.
Most people want to live a life of emotional regulation. They want to be able to not allow external factors to influence how they feel and instead sit with healthy ways to feel and express themselves. Unfortunately, this skill doesn’t always simply come with experience, as many people who are simply getting older, not wiser, can prove.
The maturing mind understands that emotion regulation is a skill. And skills can be honed, even if they don’t come naturally to you, as is the case with many people who struggle to regulate their emotions.
If you can accept that emotions can be felt, but that you don’t have to follow them, then they will stop dictating how you behave. It’s a habit that can be learned through a lot of inner work and self-reflection, but not everybody is willing to work for it. And more worryingly, there are people out there who blankly refuse to believe this is even an option.
6. The truly mature realize that self-image doesn’t always need to be perfect.
This is all about identity, and how mature-minded people can be okay with accepting that they can be wrong at times. We all have flaws, but if you are simply getting older without growing emotional intelligence, then you won’t admit to those flaws.
“I’m never wrong, in fact, I’m perfect!”
“I never make a mistake!”
These are factually incorrect for us all, and I think I can safely say that. We’re human! We’re designed to slip up and even at times be a little bit difficult (not just me, right? Right?).
If you have a mature and stable identity and you really know and are okay with who you are, then your tolerance for imperfection will be far higher than those whose identities are less so.
7. Mature people learn which problems are worth it, and which are worthless.
Hands up who has honestly never experienced a single problem in life? I’ll make some tea and wait…
If I truly waited, I think I’d be waiting a lifetime for a person to say that no problems have crossed their path. As such, getting into the habit of saying, “My life can get tough, but I choose which problems are worth my energy,” is akin to striking gold. You have to be picky, because if you aren’t, all the problems you face will swamp you.
There are people out there who seemingly drift into every problem imaginable, and then wonder why they’re so caught up, so stressed, and so down on themselves. But it’s a choice. It’s a choice to see so many problems with no solution behind any of them, too, and I think that’s where the contrast lies between a mature person and somebody who is merely getting older.
8. Becoming mature means detaching from external opinion.
I speak to a lot of people who are mature of mind, and they all say the same thing: “I’m okay in my own skin.” There’s never a need to compare their worth to that of somebody else in order to see or appreciate their own value. And it’s a habit well worth learning.
In contrast, those who don’t live by this mantra are doing themselves no favors, as they still remain heavily shaped by the approval of others and never truly learn to live comfortably without comparison. That makes for unhappy and unfulfilled minds that age but never mature.
9. With a maturing mind, what was once certain becomes nuanced.
The human mind is often predisposed to black-and-white thinking because it provides a mental shortcut to simplify complex information. It serves an important purpose, and without it, we would quickly become overwhelmed. And it’s worth noting that some people, such as neurodivergent folk, are more prone to it than others, and it brings with it great qualities such as a strong sense of morals and justice.
But that said, not everything should be seen through a black-and-white lens. In fact, it does wonders for us as people to note the differences and complexities of life and all it brings with it. In other words, our thoughts don’t have to be all or nothing; they can drift happily somewhere in between, and that way of thinking can become easier, even when it doesn’t come naturally.
Those who simply age without maturing are often not able to escape the limiting clutches of black and white thinking. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that they cling to it because they cannot fathom that life can have a middle ground.
Again, this is about being open-minded and letting life flow rather than trying to control it. Maturity allows that flow, while merely getting older does not.
Final thoughts…
Getting older doesn’t always mean you grow into a wiser version of the person you used to be. In fact, for some, the aging process can leave them feeling, acting, and presenting more immaturely than ever before. Without the willingness to mature in mind, you’re left with limited thought processes and behaviors.
In order to grow wiser, you need to implement certain habits that complement the person you want to be. Without that, you’re just a person who is merely getting older, while being trapped in the same habits that you’ve always been stuck in.
