There’s a prevailing idea in the current social zeitgeist that you need to have your life figured out as soon as possible, and if you don’t, then there’s something wrong with you. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even the people who do have their life figured out regularly need to do upkeep to adapt and change to life circumstances outside of their control.
As you approach middle age, it’s helpful to take stock of your life. Not to dwell on what didn’t go as planned, but to clarify your intentions for your present and future. Journaling can be a great way to do that, and these journal prompts will guide you down that path.
1. What have been the defining chapters of my life, and what have they taught me?
The person you are today has been shaped by everything you’ve experienced so far, for better and worse. Write about each of the defining chapters of your life and look for the lessons in each part. However, keep in mind that sometimes the lesson is just that there is no lesson, and that life is just chaos.
After you consider these chapters, are there any changes you want to make in your present life for a happier future? Can you see any repeated mistakes or issues that keep surfacing and causing you distress? Is there something that was especially transformative that maybe you’d like to do again in the future?
This is a great way to catch unhealthy, repeating behaviors that are disrupting your life.
2. What values matter most to you now? And how do they differ from earlier in life?
You’re going to change as you live your life. It happens to everyone in varying degrees. As Psychology Today reminds us, you learn new things, have new experiences, and incorporate them all into how you conduct the rest of your life. New priorities bring with them new values, items of importance, and choices that you make. Many people find that their life purpose changes after 40.
Understanding your values and how they’ve changed can help direct your path forward. What is it you found important? What do you find important today? What caused those changes? What makes you want to pursue this goal, instead of that goal? And what kind of fulfillment or happiness will it bring to your life?
Our values inform the kinds of decisions we make. You may not be getting as much as you can out of life if you don’t understand why you do what you do. And you definitely won’t be getting the best out of life if you’re not living in alignment with your current values.
3. What roles have I fulfilled that feel best to me?
We all have roles in life – employee, parent, partner, friend, etc. The roles that we have are sometimes chosen, sometimes not. Sometimes, we are saddled with a role out of social obligation or expectation. Unfortunately, not everyone is suited for every role. Some will have undoubtedly felt much better than others.
What roles have you fulfilled? Which ones made you feel best and which ones worse? If you know that a particular role feels good, you may go out of your way to want to fulfill that role again. And, of course, you can avoid the roles that you didn’t feel good about.
Sometimes, we can get lost in roles and forget who we are as individuals. For example, Jennifer lived a bright and vibrant life, traveling, educated, but when she became a mother, a lot of those other things fell away from her. She stepped into the role of mother, and other people pigeonhole her into that.
For many moms, they lose part of themselves in how much time and attention their children take up. As joyful as it can be, it can still be hurtful and cause distance from oneself. “Is that really all I am? ‘Just’ a mother?” So, it’s helpful to go back and reexamine those roles to avoid unhappy situations in midlife and beyond.
4. Where do I feel most at peace, and where do I feel restless?
As Psych Central tells us, peace is an underrated state of mind. So many people are looking for excitement or the next big thing that they can lose sight of the immediate. Sure, the highs are nice, but life isn’t always going to be a high. Instead, you can focus on fostering a sense of peace and calm by replicating more of what you had going on during those chapters of your life.
On the other hand, identifying the restless, chaotic times can help you determine what not to do, or what you don’t need more of. Chaos isn’t generally a good thing, even if it is exciting. It’s hard to plan for the long-term when your short-term is so chaotic.
A peaceful life is a fertile field to grow your future in.
5. What dreams or goals have I missed, and do I want to try now?
Middle age can be a great time to reignite passions that you once set aside. Many people have more time and accessibility to resources, making it much easier for them to do the things they want to do rather than what they need to do.
Not only that, but hopefully you’ve gained enough wisdom along the way to know how to avoid some of the major pitfalls of chasing dreams. Of course, not everyone learns from life or their experiences, but if you’re journaling, then you can look for the lesson to use.
Sometimes life works out in such a way that we can’t chase our dreams or goals immediately. But luckily, there isn’t an expiration date on them.
6. How have my relationships influenced my personal growth? What do I want from them moving forward?
They say that “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time around.” That saying speaks to the major impact that other people have on how we conduct our lives. Consider how hard it would be to make good decisions if you’re always surrounded by people making bad ones. Any help you get from them is going to be questionable because they don’t make good choices.
That’s true for anything ranging from relationships to just generally how to live your life. Who has added to your life? Who has made you feel excited and happy? Who has contributed positively? And do you have anyone in your life that isn’t adding something positive?
It is possible to outgrow your social circle as you get older. People learn new things, develop different opinions, and make different choices that are no longer in alignment. It’s okay if it’s time to part ways with someone who isn’t positively contributing to your life.
7. What am I most proud of? What do I still want to contribute?
Take some time to write about what you’re most proud of. What in your life has made you feel best about yourself? How can you get more of that into your life? How can you spend more of your time doing the things that make you feel proud of and good about yourself?
And even if you don’t have something you’re particularly proud of, that’s okay! There’s still plenty of time for that. Now is a great time to consider whether or not you want to put something else into the world. What is it that you can do well? Not necessarily something that only you can do, but something you can do well.
Even if you’re doing something that other people already are, there is a lot of entertainment and value to be had in the difference that you can bring. You are a unique person, and will have your own approach to whatever it is you decide to undertake.
8. If I imagined myself 10 years from now, what could I thank myself for doing today?
The decisions you make now impact your future. Now is a fantastic time to consider what you want your future to look like. In 10 years, what could you look back on and be happy that you did? Is it improving your health? Maybe going back to school? Socializing more? Doing more activities or taking more risks? What decisions can you make today that will pay dividends back to you when the future finally does roll in?
It will, sooner or later. Time marches on regardless of what we want or what we’re doing. All you can do is make the best of whatever time it is you have. Any way that you can improve that is worth the time and energy investment.
A final word…
Reflection should not be about looking mournfully at a past of lost opportunities. Instead, it should be a celebration of how far you’ve come, even if it doesn’t feel like you’ve come very far. Life isn’t always good, easy, or fair. In fact, sometimes it downright sucks. But you’re still here, still able to make changes that can do better things for you in the future.
Reflect on where you came from, where you’re heading, and what you want out of life. Then, get to work making it into what you want it to be!
