Did you know that when caterpillars are in their chrysalises, in the process of transforming into butterflies, their soft little bodies dissolve into an amorphous sludge that then reconstitutes into those gorgeous, iridescent wings and chitinous exoskeletons?
Now imagine how uncomfortable that process must be. When it comes to personal growth and development, regardless of age or species, growing pains are inevitable and often seriously uncomfortable. That said, they’re actually often signs that you’re headed in the best direction possible for your life. Here are 7 to look out for:
1. Having close relationships fall apart.
One of the most tumultuous and life-changing experiences is when those who were once close to you suddenly feel like strangers. It can feel devastating; as if one of the fundamentals of your existence has suddenly been wrenched away, leaving you adrift in a sea of uncertainty. The end of any relationship is absolutely awful, as the person who had previously been an integral part of your life is now someone you can’t connect with or even talk to.
That said, an ending in any form always precedes immense growth and change. Furthermore, it allows new growth to happen that wouldn’t have been possible if that ending hadn’t occurred.
You may not realize it now, but as one door closes, another door always opens. Try to be aware and objective, and see that yes, this relationship has come to an end, but what opportunities are now available? Additionally, it’s likely that this ending is a chance to expand emotionally. Perhaps the person with whom you parted ways was holding you back in some fashion, or had a negative influence on you that you weren’t even aware of.
2. Being “bad” at something simply because you’re new at it.
My partner is terrible for this. She’ll try something, having never done it before, do far better at it than most, but then be absolutely awful to herself because she wasn’t immediately perfect at it.
If this is you and you’re giving yourself a hard time when just starting out on a new venture, remember that everyone has to start somewhere. Nobody was born an expert, and mistakes are the best way for one to learn.
As an aside, the mental energy you spend criticizing yourself would be put to much better use focusing on the task at hand. Learning new things is often uncomfortable and demanding, but you’ll only succeed if you choose not to give up and not practice anymore. Every time you get something wrong, see it as a learning experience: you didn’t “mess up”, but instead gained firsthand experience about what works, and what doesn’t.
That perspective will result in you excelling in whatever it is very quickly, as long as you keep at it and don’t be disheartened at not being a master at it immediately. Give it time and practice, and you will be!
3. Feelings of “anxiety,” but without fear.
You know that feeling of having butterflies in your stomach before a big date, or as you’re waiting for a job interview? The feeling I’m describing seems similar, but without the trepidation that accompanies those more stressful situations.
Instead, these are flutters of excitement and antici… pation. Granted, if you’re accustomed to only feeling these things when something dire is about to unfold, then you may interpret them as harbingers of doom instead. But if they do occur, try to see them as positive signs that you’re heading in exactly the right direction in life, rather than a warning that something awful is unfolding.
4. You can’t find common ground with anyone around you.
Whereas you could previously connect with those around you in a number of different ways, you may now discover that you can’t find common ground with anyone in your sphere anymore, no matter how hard you try. It’s like you’ve been shifted into another dimension that looks like the world you’d been inhabiting up until this point, but now there’s a disconnect between you and everyone you thought you had a kinship with.
Don’t waste any more time and energy trying to cultivate bonds with people with whom you have nothing in common anymore. All you’ll do is throw endless amounts of energy into a black hole.
The good news is that this frees up your time to find new people to click with soon. People who have similar interests to your own, and rather than feeling that this new connection is an upward battle to engage with, it’ll be as effortless as breathing. Basically, you’re en route to finding your tribe, and they’ll be a better fit for you than anyone else has ever been.
5. Weird coincidences and synchronicities that freak you out a bit.
When you’re heading in the right direction, you’ll invariably experience a number of weird coincidences and synchronicities. For example, you may have a sudden and entirely unexplainable desire to move to another country, only to find out you have relatives in that area who just happen to have a cottage available that you couldn’t move into. Or you’ll think about that person who was “the one who got away,” and they’ll reach out to you within a few days.
All of these little coincidences can be a sign that things for you are just about to come together. Or at least there will be some interesting, great personal change just about to happen. Try not to be freaked out by them when they happen. While it’s understandable that you may feel unnerved by all of these things falling into place, while it may feel uncomfortable and strange, it’s all happening for a very good reason.
6. The SHTF in every single direction.
One thing I’ve experienced consistently is that every time I’ve needed to make a big change in my life and shift direction towards something that aligns more with my goals, everything in my life has fallen apart. I’ve had relationships break up, lost jobs, faced eviction because of termites or black mold, etc. Essentially, everything that had been involved with my support structure was pulled out from under my feet.
This type of experience is obviously devastating: when it happens, you think that the universe must hate you and is punishing you for some grievous wrongdoing. In reality, it’s quite likely that all of those facets were trapping you in a life that you’ve outgrown. You might have even felt subconsciously frustrated or resentful and didn’t even realize it, and now the slate is clean for you to write the next chapter of your story.
Don’t be discouraged if the first steps in this journey aren’t ideal. You may have to deal with a crap new job or ugly flat temporarily until you can move on, but these are stepping stones to get you where you really want (and need) to be. All the doors ahead of you are opening to the path that’s unfolding before you.
7. Suddenly, everyone hates your guts.
You may find that inexplicably, everyone in your life seems to have a massive problem with you. They’re either being passive or overtly aggressive, picking fights with you and treating you with a lot less respect than you deserve — if they’re talking to you at all! Some might disappear out of your life with no explanation, while others simply exclude you from social functions until you get the hint that you aren’t wanted around.
This experience is both confusing and disheartening because you likely haven’t done anything to deserve this behavior. You might even begin to feel paranoid, wondering if you’d done something heinous to deserve this treatment.
Believe it or not, this is often another blessing in disguise; another sign that you have, in fact, outgrown your current social network. Furthermore, you now have fewer ties binding you to the life you’re outgrowing. There’s nothing holding you back anymore.
Final thoughts…
Anything worth experiencing comes with some measure of discomfort. Humans generally try to avoid discomfort whenever possible, so when growing pains appear, they cringe away from them rather than leaning in to see where they lead.
Although it may seem counterintuitive to open yourself up to pain rather than bracing against it, you’ll find that the path opening ahead of you becomes much easier to navigate if you do. Furthermore, the version of you that emerges from that uncomfortable chrysalis will be better and brighter than you could have ever imagined.
