If you have two people from similar backgrounds side by side, but one is successful while the other one keeps tripping up, what is the difference between them? If it isn’t luck or talent that allows one to thrive whilst the other falters, what’s the magical solution here?
Well, the key seems to lie in some unique habits that those who experience success put into practice, which others don’t. While luck can certainly be a helpful contributing factor at times, the habits listed here are the tried-and-true approaches that often mean the difference between success and struggle.
1. Being able to be comfortable with discomfort.
Most people try to avoid discomfort whenever possible. That’s understandable: discomfort isn’t a fun thing to contend with. That said, those who learn how to be comfortable with it don’t just develop a great deal of resilience, but can delay gratification and self-soothing to push through things like irritation, fatigue, hunger, and physical pain when needed.
This makes all the difference when it comes to pursuing their goals. A person who’s aiming to get fit won’t quit when their muscles ache, and someone who’s willing to tolerate the annoyance of small talk with those they dislike at social functions can often benefit from the connections they’ll make.
Occasionally being able to muscle through something that feels excruciating at the time can result in massive wins later on, which is something that a person who flees at the first sign of irritation can’t conceive of.
2. Using advantages to their greatest potential.
One major difference between “successful” people and those who struggle perpetually is the ability to use gifts and advantages to great potential, rather than squandering them. These are the folks who turn what others call “luck” into tangible results, instead of being irresponsible and then lamenting their fate.
For example, an old friend of mine was given a significant inheritance by his grandparents when he was in his twenties, worth tens of thousands of dollars. Instead of using this money wisely to do things like further his education, put a down payment on property, or invest it in a high-interest savings account for later, he squandered it by buying ridiculous memorabilia, buying tons of alcohol and food for his friends, and paying several months’ worth of rent so he could bunk off work and play guitar all day.
A more success-oriented person would likely have used the lucky financial gift they were given responsibly rather than indulging in childish hedonism.
3. Placing responsibility ahead of pleasure.
The habit of delaying pleasure and gratification in favor of taking care of what needs to be done is the adult equivalent of getting chores done before playing with friends, or finishing the broccoli before having ice cream. Essentially, it entails making sure that everything is in order, safe, secure, and locked down before doing what they’d rather be partaking in instead, because responsibility always comes before playtime.
It isn’t “fun” to prioritize our obligations rather than fun downtime. After all, most of us would prefer to spend as much time as possible doing things that bring us joy rather than having to be responsible all the time.
When striving for success, however, work takes precedence. That doesn’t mean that successful people are all work and no play. They understand the importance of downtime and fun — they just finish the work first.
4. Compartmentalization.
Many people immediately latch onto and focus upon any perceived wrong or slight, and that may include having a disproportionate response to whatever it was that offended or upset them. They’ll ruminate upon the things that were said or done, and allow upsetting things to interfere with their work duties (or any other important, pressing tasks).
Successful people are usually excellent at partitioning these slights and not letting them undermine their focus. They may still feel hurt or upset, but they compartmentalize those feelings so they can get on with their objectives. Only once duties have been completed will they bring out the box of upsetting things to look at and work through.
5. Asking good questions rather than assuming they know the answers.
Another major thing that separates successful people from the rest is that they ask a lot of questions and wait until they have the answers they’re seeking, rather than assuming they know everything and basing their chosen narratives on their assumptions.
Those who assume and accuse rather than making inquiries have to spend a lot of time doubling back and smoothing the feathers they’ve ruffled. After all, few people enjoy it when others inform them of what’s been going on rather than having the courtesy to ask them. In contrast, those who ask rather than making assumptions are viewed with much more respect and appreciation by those they interact with.
6. Dogged perseverance towards their goal (no matter how long it takes).
Some people get an idea that a goal they’re intent on reaching will be done by X date. If that date comes and goes due to circumstances beyond their control — such as illness, unexpected financial loss, global unrest, etc. — then they’re likely to abandon the pursuit in perceived defeat.
To them, the fact that their objective didn’t unfold as they’d envisioned means that it isn’t going to happen at all. They’d rather take the loss and go lick their wounds in a comfortable corner than accept that a temporary retreat is just a setback and is simply an opportunity to regroup before marching forward once again.
In contrast, successful people keep working towards that goal no matter how long it may take, and how many obstacles they need to work through. “It’s going to take as long as it’s going to take” is their mantra, and they have the patience, resilience, and dedication to see it through to the end. If it takes them several years longer than expected to get the thing done, they’ll do it and take pride in the process as well as the achieved directive.
7. The ability to learn from their mistakes objectively.
I had a discussion with a friend of mine about this earlier. We play a game together online, and there’s one guy in the group who blames everyone else when he loses a match rather than learning from his own mistakes. We’ve all told him about the errors he keeps making and which areas need improvement, but instead of taking that advice to heart and changing his tactics, he just complains that others must be cheating or are otherwise unfairly equipped, and that’s the reason why he continues to fail.
When someone can identify what’s wrong with their process rather than let it flatten their fire and deflect them from their goals, they can move through it with grace, improving by leaps and bounds as they do so. They don’t see mistakes as proof of their innate failure as a human being, but instead identify objectively what was wrong in their attempt and adapt their approach accordingly.
Final thoughts…
It’s important to note here that luck and talent do play roles in success here, but only if the people involved use them properly. Luck is only beneficial if the person in question doesn’t squander it with self-indulgence, and all the talent in the world won’t benefit someone who refuses to be diligent with their responsibility.
Meanwhile, countless people find success without either luck or raw talent because they’re focused, diligent, and utterly dedicated. Focus on the latter traits rather than wishing for the former, and you can’t help but succeed at whatever you do.
