It’s true what they say, childhood really does go so fast. One minute, they’re turning bright red as they ‘paint their diapers,’ the next, they’re asking you to help them look for colleges to apply for. What happened in between? It’s like the universe pressed fast-forward, and you arrived before you were ready to let go.
I’m not quite at the college age yet with my child, but I am aware that now is the time to create meaningful memories with him. I want him to reflect fondly, carrying laughter and traditions that we cemented together with him in his life. I think these 8 ways to intentionally do that will always provide your children with cherished times, no matter where life takes them next.
1. Prioritize your time, not your perfection.
When I was pregnant, I spent all my time thinking, “How can I be the perfect mother? How can I make sure he knows he’s loved and cherished?” Oh my goodness, I would go online looking for answers, reading advice, taking it all in. I wanted to nail parenthood.
After my son was born, my favorite early memories of him and me would be when he would lie on my thighs as I bent my legs and just stared at him. That would develop into ‘peekaboo,’ or singing songs and watching him watch me with this fascination that transitioned into a connection.
There was never a plan, just a block of time together, valuing each other and allowing him to be seen and heard by me. As he grew and grew, that time changed into messy baking, even the time I thought it’d be a good idea to boil an egg in the microwave, which – shall I just say – made a mess that we laughed about until tears rolled down our faces for at least a week.
Children want your time, and everything else that comes with it is a bonus. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about creating pockets of unforgettable memories with the time you put in.
2. Root a sense of belonging.
Friday night pizza and fries, nicknames, an annual pumpkin-picking tradition, bedtime phrases (ours is ‘Noodgite!’), inside jokes that last for years, ‘check-in time’ for talks when life gets heavy.
These are just some examples of where belonging can be found, and where your kids learn to appreciate their place in your family tree. These often naturally occurring family rituals create a stable sense of connection, acting like an emotional glue.
Imagine being able to hold together your family with these practices that make your family unique.
I often wonder, if my son ever decides to have children, will he make Friday night pizza night? Will he draw autumn leaves and spiderwebs on his living room window on September 1st every year with a chalk pen just because it’s nice to get excited for the ‘ber months? Will he name reaching out to his kids and seeing how they’re doing ‘check-in time?’
Maybe he will do things slightly differently but using those same values, and that’d be more than okay with me.
3. Be intentional with emotional safety.
How would you describe your home? I don’t mean what color are your walls, but rather how safe you feel in it. Because if you don’t feel safe, then neither will your children.
Emotional safety comes from creating a space where they don’t feel judged. A place where they can fully be themselves without fear of ridicule or criticism. It’s four walls that you enter to inspire and feel inspired.
If you didn’t have that growing up, then it can be tricky to even know where to start, but it is very possible to create safety, even if your own parents didn’t provide it for you. You can break the generational trauma.
Emotional safety is born from a place of listening and respecting, and doing your best to keep your reactions calm, even in the midst of a storm.
Personally, I’m always reminding myself to put my phone down more, especially if I’m trying to teach presence.
4. Place your intention in your home.
Warmth isn’t just limited to that nice blanket and your favorite wool socks; it’s also found in the small details around your home that you intentionally build to create an atmosphere your children can and will cherish forever.
I still go back to the house I grew up in and appreciate how cozy it is. My mother, with her fairy lights, candles, and music, has always added that layer to the house that always makes me think of growing up. That’s especially relevant for me, as not all my memories of growing up are happy, but she really gave me a dimension to the house that I could carry with me forever.
Now my home is filled with fairy lights and candles, and I joke that I have become my mother!
Home should be comfortable, yet not stagnating, warm, yet not stifling, and a place to feel welcome, rather than a place to feel like a burden.
5. Slow down and enjoy those otherwise automatic moments.
I know you want to race through all those automatic moments that need doing. The baths, the dinner, throwing another load of washing in the machine while you’re sharing a joke or laughing at something your child has said, but those really are the fragments of time we take for granted.
I’m not saying, “Please find beauty in dirty laundry.” But it’s the how. It’s what you’re doing with that, or what you’re about to do with your children.
Getting ready in the morning can feel frantic, but what if you stepped back from your physical duty to help them and see what you’re teaching them in the long term?
I don’t think many of us think like that while we’re buttering the bread for pack-ups, but honestly, those are the moments your children will remember, and remember you being there for.
6. Allow what you share together to be what you relive together.
“Do you remember when…?” “Tell us about the time we got stuck on that paddle boat!” “Dad, you’ve always been so bad at barbecuing, like that summer when…”
Families unknowingly create these books that have their family name on them. Through time, there are moments that you will never forget, mishaps that turn out to be some of the sunniest memories, but you can revisit them fondly together as you all get older.
It’s nice, because actually, those stories tend to come alive in our minds the second somebody relays them, and you can share and appreciate how that feels together.
Those specific things that are special to you and your children will crop up, and when they do, you’ll know those are memories your children will forever cherish.
(For me, it’s the microwaved egg story, which comes up at least three times a year…)
7. Always keep in mind that your children’s childhood is their roots.
Every life starts at birth, and that’s where roots are already growing. You often don’t realize the groundwork and values your parents laid for you until you have your own children. You are giving your child their foundation from the day they are born, too.
As they go out into the world, maybe meet somebody to love and have their own families with, they will know from experience the effort that foundation took to be solid.
It really helps to be reminded of the foundational impact those early years have when you’re making those cherished memories. Our childhood really does write the script for our later lives.
8. Use what you know to teach them life skills through ‘doing.’
I have the pandemic lockdown to thank for my son getting into gardening. Now, every spring, we meticulously grow vegetables, we plant our favorite flowers outside, and we try (I don’t know how we haven’t been successful yet), to grow mint.
Teaching your children important skills like cooking, budgeting, or fixing things around the house are all things they’ll never forget.
When you’re showing your child how to do something and allowing them to do it for themselves, you’re saying, “You’re capable!” You’re teaching them confidence and belief in themselves. Plus, it prepares them for the transition to adulthood, and that cannot be understated.
Final thoughts…
Did you just go on a total ride, thinking back to when your kids were small? Or are you a parent-to-be, or parent of a young child who just wants to get it right?
I hear all of you. We raise kids not to be versions of us, but to grow into the versions of themselves they were always meant to be. In that time we raise them, we can gift them with memories to cherish and form into their own version of parenthood if that’s the path they choose, or even just to hold onto with fondness.
Most of us now work, but in the special time we’re home and present, we should be forming constant opportunities to intentionally create special moments that we can frame in time. And it’s never too late to start.
