A lot of people get incredibly frustrated about life’s unfairness, especially when it comes to return on investment, so to speak.
Many of us were raised with the belief that if we were good people, we would be rewarded for our good deeds. As such, it’s quite devastating to discover that being a good, decent person won’t necessarily give you a good life in return, and those who get ahead tend to be jerks rather than angels.
Below are some of the blunt reasons why this happens, and why it’s such a sad truth to accept.
1. Many of the most “successful” individuals on the planet got that way by stepping on other people’s necks.
A “good life” is usually defined as one that is fulfilling and happy, and that usually involves at least some wealth and stability. For example, someone who has a great career, a big house, a nice car, a family, and the ability to retire while they’re still young enough to enjoy life may be described as having a “good life”.
Unfortunately, a lot of those people got where they were by using others shamefully. They might have gotten rich by underpaying their staff members or taking part in underhanded dealings like insider trading.
Quite simply, many of them thrive because they have no qualms about taking things from others, and feel no regret about doing so. Good people are rarely rewarded (at least not financially) for being stalwart human beings in the same way.
2. Unsavory people will generally take advantage of another’s good nature.
This isn’t advocating becoming a bad or opportunistic person. Rather, it’s just pointing out that being a good person isn’t enough to shield us from the predations of less savory individuals.
You can be an absolute saint and still others will shrug, do something awful, then quip something along the lines that “it’s a dog-eat-dog world,” so get used to the idea.
The best thing you can do in this situation to remain a good person in your own eyes is to put distance between yourself and the transgressors, and if they keep overstepping and mistreating you, be ready to assert your boundaries.
3. Being too giving leaves you with nothing.
A lot of sincerely good people in the world are those who do as much as they can to help others. They’ll give generously of their time, energy, attention, and even resources to those who are going through difficulty, without expecting anything in return.
And while being a giving, caring individual is an immensely rewarding experience, it’s a sad truth that it’s often not reciprocated.
As such, to avoid having your goodness taken advantage of, use your best judgment when others ask you for things. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you say “no” because your own resources are thin at the moment.
And if this person stays in your life or treats you with respect even when you decline, then you know that they see you as more than just a resource that benefits them.
Just don’t be too surprised (or disappointed) if they disappear as soon as you’re no longer offering handouts.
4. Sacrificing your own wellbeing for others’ benefit causes you real harm.
If you’re a good, kind person, then it’s more than likely that you have given up things that would have benefitted you in order to help someone else.
For example, maybe you found a great apartment for rent and offered it to a friend who needed a place slightly more than you did. Or instead of buying groceries for yourself, you gave your last $20 to a homeless person. This was a kind gesture, but it ultimately caused you harm.
This is why it’s so important to put on your own metaphorical oxygen mask before helping anyone else with theirs.
You can be tremendously good and kind to others, foregoing potential opportunities that may benefit you greatly, and never have those opportunities reciprocated in the future.
Prioritize your own genuine needs and well-being, and you’ll be in a better position to help everyone — including yourself — in the future.
5. Choosing to be good may close doors to questionable-yet-beneficial opportunities.
If you’re in your middle years like I am, you likely grew up with the narrative that things like alcohol and cigarettes were “gateway drugs” to harder substances – the idea being that one small “yes” could lead you down a much bigger and darker path.
Whether or not you agree, the principle applies surprisingly well when it comes to being offered questionable opportunities. For example, saying “yes” to certain morally grey actions often opens doors to bigger ones, and with them, sometimes bigger rewards (not that we’re advising this, obviously). Whereas saying “no” may close them instead.
The reason being that those in positions of power often test people to see what kind of underhanded things they’re willing to do for the sake of personal benefit.
If they consent to doing seemingly small things, then those tests will get increasingly bigger… but so might the rewards.
In contrast, saying “no” to the smallest tests will usually result in those doors being closed permanently. This may lead to fewer opportunities for wealth and advancement, but on the plus side, you don’t have to sell your soul for personal gain.
6. Adhering to nonsensical but mandatory red tape can crush your soul and slow down (or even stop) the pursuit of your goals.
Blindly obeying bureaucracy can crush a person, especially if there are unnecessary or contradictory hoops to jump through.
As such, by always seeking to do seemingly the right thing, you may find yourself in a never-ending cycle of appeasement. And it can be very difficult to get ahead when you’re constantly struggling against red tape that seems to be set directly against your endeavors.
Unfortunately, those who have lives full of wealth, power, and opportunity are often opportunistic individuals who figure out the fastest route through things and don’t waste their time or resources on getting the go-ahead.
They follow the ideology of “it’s better to ask forgiveness than beg for permission” and have often benefited from that approach exponentially. They’re also skilled at seeking out loopholes that allow them to get their way, even if it’s incredibly unethical to do so.
7. You may not take an opportunity that will benefit you and offer it to someone else instead.
Giving opportunities to others instead of taking them for yourself is incredibly generous and kind. If you’re always doing this, however, it can be next to impossible for you to get ahead.
It can also breed a good deal of resentment when people you have done great favors for are slow to reciprocate, or don’t offer anything in return at all.
Case in point: my partner’s aunt once bought the last lotto scratch card at a convenience store, but gave it to an older man who expressed disappointment that there weren’t any left. He promptly won 20 thousand dollars and laughed in her face.
Those who will reciprocate your generosity are likely few and far between, compared to those who’ll gloat about it instead. Great acts of generosity are often seen as weak or pathetic by those who benefit from them, sadly enough.
Sometimes it’s best to take advantage of an opportunity that’s been offered to you before giving it away to another. After all, it’s far easier to be an effective, good person who can contribute to the community when you have enough for yourself first.
8. Life is unpredictable and chaotic.
In the same way that you can do everything “right” and still fail at the endeavor due to no fault of your own, you can be the best person in the world and still experience an extraordinary amount of misery and hardship.
Life isn’t a transactional thing into which you insert goodness and receive happiness and stability in turn.
You could spend your life sponge-bathing the elderly, cleaning up polluted waterways, and feeding orphans, and end up with a permanently broken body after being struck by an 18-wheeler on your way home.
Being good and kind is certainly something to strive for in this world, but don’t assume it’ll automatically give you a good life. Existence is far too chaotic for that to happen.
Final thoughts…
Being a kind, decent person may not guarantee a life of wealth and status, but it does allow you to feel good about yourself and the contributions you make to the lives around you.
And sometimes, a random act of kindness or a good deed is witnessed by just the right person, who will step in and do something wonderful for you in turn.
But even if that doesn’t happen, you can take solace in how your goodness improves the world, even if only by a little bit.
