Have you noticed that some people get really stressed out about things that others don’t worry about at all? Or they’ll be cautious naysayers who put a damper on other people’s fun when they’re just trying to have a good time?
Those who have had to fight tooth and nail to attain everything they have often struggle with things that seem as simple as breathing to those around them.
As such, if you ever find yourself frustrated by someone in your life who has difficulty with the following things, it’s probably because they had to fight for everything they’ve ever had.
1. Falling asleep.
People who haven’t experienced severe trauma or had to fight their way out of long-term hardships often have a much easier time falling asleep than those who have.
They might get insomnia now and then or get woken up if the cat shrieks for attention, but most of the time they can fall asleep fairly quickly and get a decent amount of rest.
They aren’t haunted by the past, nor are they plagued by racing thoughts that keep them up when they’d rather be resting. Neither are they hypervigilant about potential harm any time they hear a random sound.
In contrast, those who have had to fight themselves out of hardship, trauma, or adverse experiences can sometimes only fall asleep if they’re behind several locked doors, with prescription sedatives to help them drift off.
2. Trusting people.
A lot of individuals find it quite easy to open up to and trust people they meet. They make friends easily, invite them into their homes fairly quickly, and tell them details about themselves and their families.
Those who have had to fight to get to where they are, however, tend to be much more guarded.
It often takes them a long time to trust others, and they’re constantly bracing for that trust to be broken in some way.
They’re friendly enough, but may keep most people at arm’s length. Even in close relationships, they’ll put safeguards into action just in case their partners or closest friends betray them unexpectedly.
3. Taking things as they unfold.
Those who have had to fight tooth and nail for everything they have usually can’t relate to those who live in the short term and will “cross that bridge when they get to it.”
My partner and I have a close friend who doesn’t plan for any unexpected issues, nor does she make any contingency plans: she just flies by the seat of her pants and trusts that everything will work out just fine.
But this mindset is anathema for those of us who have scraped and clawed for everything we have. People like us usually keep copies of important documents in several locations, diversified emergency funds, and plans B through Q just in case things don’t pan out as expected.
4. Depending on others to help or take care of them in any given situation.
A person who has had to battle to get where they are often tends to be tremendously well-organized to the verge of being neurotic.
They come prepared for anything because they’ve learned through experience that if they don’t take care of themselves, no one else will.
They struggle with the idea of having faith that anyone else will ever take care of them. And even (especially) if those individuals promise to do so, they’ll still come prepared.
For example, when I worked at summer music festivals, the employers often promised us workers that they’d provide all food, shelter, and beverages. Yet I still showed up with a tent, more than enough food and drinks to get me through, and anything else I needed.
In contrast, the people I worked with usually showed up empty-handed and were disappointed when the promised shelter and provisions were a subpar tent shared with three others and one water bottle each per day.
5. Task delegation.
In the same way that they can’t trust others to provide things for them, these individuals have learned that they can’t depend upon anyone else to do what needs to be done properly.
They have often been betrayed, let down, and left to struggle and fight for their survival. That hard-earned lesson taught them that they can only rely on themselves, and that others will only do the bare minimum of what’s actually needed.
As a result, they’d rather do a hundred tasks themselves to the point of exhaustion rather than delegate tasks to others only to have them done poorly.
They’ve had to redo things themselves so many times, or had to deal with the fallout of items breaking or falling apart, that they can only have faith in an outcome that they’ve worked towards with their own two hands.
6. Not overthinking.
“Just don’t think about it!” isn’t really an option.
Every situation and every conversation gets analyzed and delved into to determine whether there was an underlying tone or message that should be paid attention to.
Similarly, things that others can simply brush aside as unimportant are dissected in case they may pose potential threats.
This also extends to overthinking things that could lead to possible mistakes.
For example, a person who got used to only having enough money for absolute basics may overanalyze projects they work on to ensure that they don’t go over budget. Or they may overthink potentially making a mistake that might cause them to lose their job, which would put their living situation in jeopardy, and so on and so forth.
7. Spending, especially on themselves.
Those who have had next to nothing in the past are often far more generous towards others than they are towards themselves. They aren’t miserly, mind you, but are fiscally vigilant.
Rather than spending indulgently, they’re cautious and tend to put their own wants as a last priority behind ensuring that those around them are taken care of.
They never want to be in the position they were in before. For example, someone who’s been terribly hungry in the past will be more likely to stock the pantry well than splurge on a new pair of shoes.
Furthermore, if they went hungry as children or didn’t have much in the way of clothes or toys, they’ll likely prioritize those things for their own children before they ever spend a dime on themselves.
8. Relaxing.
Those who have had to fight to get where they are likely had to work more and much harder than most others to get there.
They didn’t just go to work and go home: they pulled 10- or 12-hour shifts, worked weekends, and had side gigs on top of that. When they actually had downtime, they were cooking bulk meals, fixing damaged items, and so on.
This makes it very difficult for them to relax, even though they have the space and ability to do so now.
To them, relaxing feels like backsliding. If they ease up on their efforts even a little bit, they may run the risk of finding themselves back in whatever hole it was they managed to pull themselves out of. And they’ll do whatever it takes not to go back there.
Final thoughts…
A person who has fought tooth and nail to get where they are can often be compared to an animal who has been rescued after life on the streets.
Although they’re safe and content now, and appreciate everything they have, they remember what it was like to have nothing. To be vulnerable, and cold, and hungry, with potential danger lurking around every corner.
That’s not something most people can ever get past because it formed part of who they are on a fundamental level.
