Most of us will experience periods of restlessness or insomnia at various points in our lives, but others will live in a constant state of restlessness or sleep deprivation. This can be caused by several different factors, and can have devastating results on every aspect of their lives. The reasons listed below are some of the main contributors to an inability to rest, according to psychology, but they can all be navigated effectively via awareness and a wide range of supportive, healthy approaches.
1. “Stresslaxation.”
This term is a portmanteau of “stress” and “relaxation”, and is something that occurs when people feel that they’re being forced to rest and relax. Many people who deal with anxiety, depression, and/or intrusive thoughts on a regular basis keep these feelings at bay by remaining preoccupied, either with work, hobbies, or housework. A perfect example of this would be someone who cleans their house obsessively to prevent them from fixating on how bad their marriage really is, or fears about world events.
When they’re prevented from engaging in these emotional regulation methods, all the emotions they’ve been trying to regulate (as well as those intrusive thoughts) are set free to wreak havoc. These people need to rest and relax, but the combination of feeling forced to do so and the loss of their coping mechanism makes rest feel impossible for them. Furthermore, it may even cause them significant distress, rather than any type of rejuvenation.
2. The feeling that they haven’t earned rest yet.
Sadly, an astonishing number of people have been raised to believe that their lives only have value if they’re sufficiently productive, and that if they haven’t done enough over the course of the day, they haven’t earned the right to be able to rest. In other words, they’ve been taught that rest = laziness or idleness, which is horribly detrimental to their overall well-being.
People who have been raised with this mindset are prone to burnout from overworking, as well as numerous health issues such as autoimmune dysfunction, diabetes, strokes, and even cancer. Furthermore, they often feel intense depression and overall dissatisfaction in their lives because they somehow aren’t “allowed” to relax and partake in things that make them truly happy, such as reading, hobbies and crafts, or simply sitting quietly and enjoying nature.
3. Stressing about relaxing causes the opposite effect.
Some people place so much importance on getting enough rest that they ultimately struggle to do so. You may have experienced this at some point when you decided that you were going to go to bed early to catch up on sleep, and ended up staring at your ceiling until dawn because you simply couldn’t drift off.
Psychology Today tells us the reason this happens is that stressing about resting will have the opposite effect: it’ll cause you to go on high alert to watch out for signs that you’re drifting off, or will intensify your fight-or-flight mechanism. You’ll end up so hypersensitive to any intrusion or irritation — like your partner coughing a few rooms away or a wrinkle in your sheet — that your own body and mind will prevent you from getting the rest you desperately need.
4. Dopamine disruption.
We have numerous hormones and neurotransmitters in our bodies, which regulate everything from mood, motivation, and hunger to fertility and waking/sleeping cycles. Dopamine is one of our “feel good” transmitters, and is the one that pings whenever something good happens in our lives. It’s thus responsible for the little highs and “wins” we experience over the course of the day.
High dopamine spikes cause little surges of alertness, which can also trigger hypervigilance and reduce a person’s ability to rest and relax. And research shows that one of the greatest causes of dopamine disruption is high social media use.
The average person checks their social media accounts over 100 times a day, and gets these dopamine rushes every time they get a like or a response to something they’ve posted. If they keep checking their phones late into the evening, these spikes prevent the body from shutting down into sleep mode, so to speak. Teens and young adults are particularly prone to this disruption, and the subsequent insomnia can end up affecting every aspect of their lives. It’s just one of the many reasons why taking breaks from social media can be so beneficial.
5. Delayed sleep phase syndrome (DSPS).
If anyone in your family has ADHD (or AuDHD), you might have noticed that their sleep schedule differs from your own. You may have felt frustrated with them for not going to sleep until the wee hours of morning and then dozing until noon (or beyond), not realizing that delayed sleep phase syndrome (DSPS) is a very real thing, and can make resting almost impossible for neurodivergent people.
These folks may go to bed early and dearly want to be able to sleep, but their circadian rhythm causes a “computer says ‘no’” situation. They aren’t procrastinating because they don’t want to go to sleep, nor are they being irresponsible: their bodies and minds simply don’t operate on the same clock as others do.
6. The expectation that they’re always available.
This often happens when a person is self-employed or works from home, but it can also occur with employers, friends, partners, or family members who can’t grasp the concept of boundaries. Many people feel that they aren’t allowed to rest and rejuvenate because they’re perpetually on call: they might get a work text late in the evening asking for files to be sent over, or someone close to them will reach out with a demand or a crisis and they feel that they can’t say “no” to the interaction.
The only way to curb this is to establish strict work/life boundaries and enforce them fiercely. A person who’s experiencing this type of thing should make it clear to employers and social circles that they aren’t available after X hour, and then either turn off their phone or set it to sleep mode so they aren’t disturbed. If anyone has a problem with this vital self-care, then those relationships need to be reevaluated.
7. Perfectionism.
Quite often, perfectionists will set goals and deadlines for themselves that are far harsher and stricter than necessary, and then push themselves to attain those goals. To them, their sense of self-worth is inextricable from achievement, so if they don’t have projects and deadlines in their professional or academic lives to strive for, they create them for themselves.
If they fail to meet these self-set goals, they’ll be filled with self-loathing and may punish themselves as a result. As a result, they’ll often stress about said deadlines (which will prevent them from resting), or they’ll dedicate every available minute to attaining their goals, even (especially) if it means forgoing sleep in order to attain them. In fact, they may see it as a point of pride that they hadn’t slept in days, as though denying themselves rest is a noble achievement rather than a detriment.
8. PTSD/C-PTSD.
Post-traumatic stress disorder and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD and C-PTSD, respectively) due to past traumatic events can affect every facet of a person’s life. The Foundation for Post-Traumatic Healing and Complex Trauma Research tells us that one of the primary ways that they can manifest is in reduced sleep quality due to hypervigilance, hyperarousal, and intrusion.
For example, a person who has been hurt or violated while in a state of rest may fight against the body’s natural “shutting down to sleep” process because they know it’ll render them vulnerable. Another way that they may be prevented from resting is that nightmares or flashbacks startle them back into wakefulness, and upset them too much for them to be able to rest and rejuvenate properly.
Final thoughts…
People need rest to survive. It doesn’t just help us function: rest and sleep are vital for everything from executive function to organ and joint health. If you feel that you aren’t getting enough rest, that you’re burnt out, anxious, jittery, or prone to snapping, then it’s important to delve into the reasons why this is happening. Try to avoid using devices late at night, practice good sleep hygiene, and don’t be afraid to talk to your healthcare providers if you feel that you need some extra help getting the rest you need.
