No matter how intellectually compatible you and your partner are, and how interested you are in what they have to say about the world, there will always come a moment when the conversation runs a little dry.
Perhaps you are reading this after finding yourself stuck for topics of conversation, and you’re worried that this is a bad sign for your relationship.
If you find these uncomfortable silences are a regular occurrence from the very beginning of your relationship, it might be a sign of incompatibility.
But, in general, running out of topics to discuss now and then is nothing to worry about.
It’s only natural that conversation will sometimes dry up, especially if you spend a lot of time together.
All you need is a little inspiration to get the two of you talking.
Asking one interesting question could be the key to unlocking aspects of them that you never knew existed and starting a conversation that goes on for hours.
Of course, sometimes, the issue can be that whilst we have plenty to talk about, it’s all a bit mundane.
If you’ve been living together for a long time, you have kids or work together, you can sometimes find that updating each other on domestic or professional matters becomes pretty much your only topic of conversation.
So, you might have come here looking for ideas for questions that will spark deeper conversations between you….
…questions about who you really are as people or about the state of your relationship, stripping back all the day-to-day, mundane stuff, and letting you really connect as two complex individuals.
Or, it might be that you’re here because you’re still in the early stages of your relationship, and you want some ideas for questions that will help you delve deeper and really get to know this new person in your life.
You want to be sure you discover as much as you can about them before you truly commit.
Whatever has brought you here, you’ve come to the right place.
Below is a list of 115 questions to ask your significant other that will get the two of you talking, whether you’re looking to keep things light or really get beneath the surface.
Fun Conversation Starter Questions
Let’s start with the light stuff. Sometimes, random questions can spark brilliant conversations that can take you to surprising places.
And, even if the question itself seems inconsequential, the answers could still tell you a lot about what makes your other half tick.
Just one of these questions could have the two of you nattering or laughing for hours.
1. If you had one day left to live, how would you spend it?
2. If you were offered a place in the first colony to be established on Mars, would you take it?
3. If you had three wishes, how would you use them?
4. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
5. When you were a child, what was the craziest job you imagined your grown-up self doing?
6. What extreme sports would you love to try one day?
7. Have you ever broken the law?
8. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?
9. Would you rather be the funniest person out there, or the most attractive?
10. What are three things that you could never live without?
11. If you could only eat three foods for the rest of your life, what would they be?
12. What would be the holiday of your dreams?
13. What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
14. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever bought?
15. What were you like when you were a teenager?
16. What’s your favorite thing about being an adult?
17. And your least favorite thing about being an adult?
18. If you could inhabit any fictional universe, what would it be?
19. If money was no object, what would your dream house be like?
20. If you could choose to have been born in a different decade, which one would you go for?
Romantic Questions To Ask
These are the kind of questions that you could ask whilst snuggled up to them listening to some relaxing music, or over a romantic dinner.
They’re the type of question that will make the two of you glow with love for one another, without (hopefully) bringing up any tricky subjects.
21. What do you think makes me smile?
22. What’s your idea of the perfect romantic date?
23. What’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever done for you?
24. What do you remember most about our first date?
25. What’s your favorite love song?
26. Do we have a song?
27. What’s the first thing you thought when you met me?
28. When did you realize that you were in love with me?
29. Who is your role model in love?
30. Who was your first crush?
Intimate Questions To Ask Your Partner
If that romantic dinner has set the mood for an even more romantic evening, then asking each other intimate questions can both make you giggle together and help you to understand how the other person feels about your physical relationship, and about intimacy in general.
31. What’s your definition of intimacy?
32. What is the one thing I do that turns you on the most?
33. What’s the first thing you noticed about my appearance?
34. How did it feel the first time we kissed?
35. What was your first kiss like?
36. Is there a sexual fantasy of yours that we could play out together?
37. How do you feel about sex toys?
38. Is there anything that we haven’t tried sexually that you’d like to?
39. What’s your favorite part of your body?
40. What’s your favorite part of my body?
41. In an ideal world, how many times would you want to have sex in a week?
42. Have you ever had a threesome? Would you want to?
43. How did you lose your virginity?
44. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
45. Are there any words or phrases that really turn you on?
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Some Deep Questions To Get To Know Them Better
It will never cease to amaze me how that no matter how much time we spend in someone’s company, we never really know them inside out.
Humans are many layered, complex, and ever-changing, and experts at hiding things we don’t want other people to notice.
If you want your relationship with someone to last, you’ve got to be willing to dig deep. You need to be prepared to ask the big, awkward questions, that might have answers that you don’t like.
46. What are your biggest insecurities?
47. Is there a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
48. Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself?
49. What do you like the most about yourself?
50. When was the last time you cried?
51. What’s your biggest fear?
52. What’s your biggest fear when it comes to relationships?
53. Would you say you have trust issues?
54. Are you satisfied with your life as it is at the moment?
55. Are there times when it’s okay to lie?
56. Do you think men and women can ever just be friends?
57. Do you truly believe in monogamy?
58. What do you think is the best age to have kids?
59. Do you know if you want kids?
60. Do you have any relationship deal-breakers?
61. If your partner was unable to have kids, would you stay with them?
62. What are your views on marriage?
63. Who is your role model in life?
64. Do you think there’s anything about yourself that you need to work on?
65. What’s your most precious possession?
66. Do you think there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone?
67. Do you believe in soulmates?
68. Do you believe in fate?
69. How important is religion or spirituality to you?
70. Have you ever struggled with addiction?
71. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship – whether physical or emotional?
72. How would you describe your relationship with your family?
73. What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
74. What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever made?
75. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Questions About Your Relationship
The romantic, intimate, and deep questions listed above will tell you a lot of what you need to know about your relationship, but there will be times when you need to bite the bullet and ask direct questions about it.
76. What do you think we need to work on most in our relationship?
77. Do you think we spend enough time together? Or too little, or too much?
78. Is there a question about our relationship that you’ve never asked me?
80. Were you looking for love when we met?
81. What do I do to make you feel appreciated?
82. Is there anything I could do to make you feel more loved?
83. Do you think I make enough effort with your family and friends?
84. Do you enjoy spending time with my family and friends?
85. How can I support you more?
86. Do you think we’ve changed each other in positive ways?
87. Do you think we encourage each other’s bad habits?
88. Do we communicate well when we’re not together?
89. What’s your happiest memory from our relationship so far?
90. If we could recreate one day from our relationship, what would it be?
Questions About Their Past
Some people find it strange talking about their past, especially their romantic past, with a new partner.
And there’s no rule saying you have to lay everything that you’ve been through out on the table, especially if it’s painful for you to revisit it.
But, when you’re with someone, it’s important to have a vague idea of what went on in their life and shaped them before they met you.
It allows you to better understand why they are who they are today, and what they want out of their future.
91. What’s the biggest success you’ve had in your life?
92. And the biggest failure?
93. If you could change anything about your past, what would it be?
94. How many times have you been in love?
95. How long was your longest relationship? Why did it end?
96. Are you friends with any of your exes?
97. Have you ever cheated on someone?
98. What did you learn from your last relationship?
99. Have you ever done anything you’re really ashamed of?
100. Do you have any regrets?
101. What’s the one thing in your life that you’re most proud of?
102. If you could go back to any moment in your life and change it, would you do it?
103. What moment would that be?
104. What’s your happiest childhood memory?
105. Would you change anything about your childhood?
More Practical Questions To Ask
As unromantic as it might sound, a big part of a serious relationship is the admin.
If you’re going to spend your life with someone, you need to be able to discuss money comfortably, and have similar views on how to manage it.
Other things like religion, where you’d live, and what your lives would look like can also become big issues between couples if they’re not made clear early on.
So, if the two of you are starting to get serious, or you’re starting to picture a future with them, it might be time for some of these questions.
106. How much money do you need to earn in a year to be comfortable?
107. Do you have savings?
108. Do you have plans to save for your retirement?
109. What would you like to do with your retirement?
110. Would you want a prenuptial agreement?
111. If you had kids, would you raise them to be religious?
112. Would you want to raise a family in an urban or rural environment?
113. Would you be prepared to move away from home if it meant your partner could do their dream job?
114. What’s your credit score?
115. Do you have any debts?
When it comes to asking your significant other questions, don’t be shy. Some of these subjects might seem scary, but you’re far better off knowing the answers to them now, rather than further down the line.
If you’re in the early stages, the more you can find out about them now, the better chance your relationship has of standing the test of time.
If you’re settled into a comfortable dynamic in a long-term relationship, make sure you’re not taking your partner for granted, and you’re still making an effort to keep the conversation flowing and discover even more about this person that you’ve chosen to share your life with.
Ask them fun questions, romantic questions, deep questions, and questions that really make them think.