You think your ex might want you back. But you can’t be sure.
Exes are tricky territory. People can get back together after months, years, or even decades apart and go on to have fantastic relationships, made all the richer by their shared history.
Some time spent apart can make them realize that they were wrong, and that they just can’t live without their ex-other half.
Sometimes, a change in circumstances or growing up a little can be just what two people need to make things work second time around, when they couldn’t the first.
On the other hand, getting back together with an ex can be a minefield. It definitely isn’t something to be entered into lightly, as you’re opening yourself up to a whole lot more potential heartbreak.
And it can seem pretty impossible to figure out whether or not your ex really wants you back, or if you’re just misreading the signals.
If you really want someone back in your life, you’re at risk of interpreting their behavior as signs that they feel the same way, because that’s what you want to see and hear.
If you’ve found yourself in a situation where you think an ex might be keen to get back together with you, you may be wondering how you can know this for sure.
After all, it’s good to know this before you decide what to do next.
And, you’ll want to make sure that neither of you get hurt in the process.
Of course, every person acts differently in these kinds of situations and there’s no one sign that guarantees that your ex wants you back.
And, if you’ve had a long relationship with them, you’re probably the best person to interpret their behavior, as long as you’re honest with yourself.
But, if you’ve noticed them displaying quite a few of the following signs, and something in your gut tells you that it’s true, then that’s a very good indication that they are interested in rekindling things.
1. They’re in contact.
Whilst some people seem to manage to split up and immediately become the best of friends, that’s the exception and not the rule.
It’s normal for two people that have broken up to have no contact with each other for quite a significant period, even if they do then manage to strike up a friendship later on.
In fact, if you’re trying to get over each other, it’s normally the healthiest thing.
So, if you never stopped having contact with one another, it might be a sign that they’ve never gotten over your relationship.
After all, if you’ve still been seeing each other in person or messaging, you simply haven’t had a chance to forget one another.
On the other hand, it could be that you did cut contact, but now they’ve got back in touch.
Something’s telling you that they haven’t reached out just because they’ve decided that the time is right for the two of you to be friends.
Beware of interpreting all kinds of contact the wrong way, though.
Not all texting is made equal. If they’re texting you late at night or keeping things banal, it might be that they’re feeling lonely or killing time until someone else comes along.
If they’re asking how your grandfather is or whether you got that promotion and sharing updates about their life, that’s a better sign that they’re trying to genuinely reconnect.
2. They find random excuses to contact you.
They want to talk to you. But they’re struggling to find excuses to make contact.
So, you’re getting weird text messages asking what that place you went to that one time was called or for tips on the best pizza places.
Your reaction to these messages can tell you a lot about how you feel about your ex. Try to put your finger on whether your overwhelming feeling is one of happiness or annoyance or something in between.
3. They’ve been asking about you.
If you have mutual friends, they might have been asking them about how you are, what you’re up to, and if you’re seeing anyone.
They’re curious about what’s going on in your life, but their pride won’t allow them to ask you.
4. They show a little too much interest in your love life.
In my experience, when I’ve met up with exes for a catch-up, we haven’t spent much time discussing new love interests.
We’ve spent the time reminiscing about the old days and catching up on big life events, and whilst we’ve always been honest about our new relationships, we haven’t felt the need to find out details about them. Because it just gets a bit weird.
But if they’re asking you lots of questions about the new man or woman in your life and probing for details, it might be that they want to figure out how you feel about your love interest so that they can establish whether or not they have a chance with you.
5. They make it clear that they’re single, or not.
They tell you, sometimes without being asked, that they’re single, to avoid upsetting you and let you know that they’re still available.
On the other hand, they might do the exact opposite, especially if they’re in denial about their feelings.
They might try to make you jealous by telling you that they’ve moved on to see if you react.
6. They seem jealous.
Even whilst they’re trying to casually probe about your dating life, you can’t help noticing the telltale signs of jealousy.
You can tell that they’re not genuinely happy that you’re moving on and are trying to suppress pangs of jealousy.
If they see you talking to another guy or girl, they seem to get a bit angry or annoyed.
7. They acknowledge their role in what went wrong.
If they admit to you that they can recognize the things they did wrong that led to the relationship ending, that might be because they don’t want things to be acrimonious between you.
It could be because they don’t want any hard feelings between you, but it could also mean that they’ve got one eye on a future where the two of you get back together.
They know that for that to happen, the two of you need to have made peace.
8. They still have things at yours.
If they’ve never quite gotten around to coming over and picking up that jumper and book, it might be that they want an excuse to keep a thread of contact between you.
They want an excuse to be able to contact you, and they don’t want to draw a solid line under the relationship.
9. They’re touchy-feely.
When you see them, they’re not trying to be all over you, but they’re still finding subtle ways to make physical contact, like brushing their hand against yours.
If they weren’t interested, they’d be making sure to make that clear by ensuring there was no physical contact between you at all.
10. They drunk call.
Whilst they might be able to control their impulse to contact you when they’re sober, they tend to get in touch when they’ve had a few drinks and are feeling a little bit braver.
You may also like (article continues below):
- Why Some Couples Are Stuck In A Cycle Of Breaking Up And Getting Back Together
- If You Want To Fall Back In Love With Your Long-Term Partner, Do These Things
- Real Love Doesn’t Always Last A Lifetime (And That’s Okay)
Do You Want To Get Back With Your Ex?
Now that you’ve got a better idea as to whether or not your ex wants you back, it’s time to decide whether that’s something you really want in your heart of hearts.
Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:
1. Why did you break up in the first place?
Think carefully about the reasons the two of you broke and be honest with yourself about whether your relationship could really stand a chance if you were to give it another try.
Some things are beyond saving. If they cheated on you or tried to control you, for instance, you may never be able to feel true love for them again.
But if the two of you just drifted apart because you didn’t spend enough time together, this could be something you can fix.
2. Are you enjoying being single?
When a relationship ends, being single again can be quite a shock to the system.
Sometimes it can be a revelation as you enjoy the freedom it offers.
Other times, you realize just how much you like being part of a couple.
If it’s the former, you might want to ask whether getting back with your ex is going to restrict your new found freedom.
If it’s the latter, it’s important to ask whether you’re only considering trying again because of how lonely you are, and not because you have any great belief that the relationship will work this time.
3. How would you want the relationship to be different this time?
Something wasn’t quite right before, otherwise you wouldn’t have spilt up.
So, if you are even considering sparking the relationship up again, you need to be clear on how things would have to change for it to work.
Then, you need to be brutally honest and consider whether those changes are realistic. If they are not, are things going to turn out any different second time around?
4. Has enough time passed?
It’s best to let the dust settle after a breakup before you even think about rekindling the romance.
Feelings take time to subside. Only when they do can you consider the situation rationally.
And people don’t change overnight. If you would get back together with your ex if they changed in one way or another, you can’t expect this to happen in a few weeks or months.
Real change can take far longer than that. But it’s not impossible. The breakup might well have been a catalyst for them (and you) to consider how you live life and how you behave as a partner.
5. Could you be happier with someone else?
Even if you haven’t returned to the dating scene yet, it’s sensible to consider whether you might actually find someone who is better suited to you.
Sure, familiarity with your ex is comfortable, but is it enough?
This is a good reason why you should wait a while before making any decision. It can be almost impossible to imagine yourself with anyone else whilst the hurt or your split is still fresh.
But as that pain eases, you might see new opportunities for happiness with other people.
6. Do you want the same things in the long term?
Sure, you might be happy getting back with your ex, but for how long?
Do you know what their long term goals are in a relationship? Do they match yours?
Whether or not this played any part in your breakup, it’s important to know that your vision for the future is similar to theirs.
This could mean things like whether you want kids, and how soon, and where you want to live, and what sort of lifestyle you want.
Remember, even if your ex wants you back, it’s got to be something you want too. Don’t be swayed by their renewed interest if you don’t feel the same or if you can’t see things working out this time.
As much as it can be flattering to be the object of someone’s affection again, keep a level head and make your decision based on serious thought and consideration.
And don’t rush into anything!