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You know that your ex is dating someone new, but they keep you in the dark about it.
In fact, you feel like they’re intentionally hiding their new partner from you.
They don’t talk to you about their partner, you’ve never seen them together, and they haven’t mentioned being in a relationship.
What’s up with that?
There are a lot of reasons why your ex might be hiding their date from you. It may even have more to do with their new partner than with you.
You’re about to learn the possible reasons why your ex might be behaving this way, but you need to answer something to yourself first.
Why do you care about your ex’s new partner? Do you want your ex back or think that there’s a possibility that they want that too?
It’s only natural that you’re curious, but don’t obsess over who your ex is dating now. Consider whether it’s actually better for you to know as little about it as possible.
Hearing about your previous partner’s new partner isn’t easy. It can hurt even if you no longer have strong feelings for your ex. You did have feelings for them before, and knowing that they now care about someone else is unpleasant. This is especially true if you’re still healing from the breakup, and/or aren’t dating anyone new yourself.
So, ask yourself, do you really want to know more about your ex’s new partner? Why?
If it’s just going to hurt you, it’s better to let your ex keep hiding their new relationships from you.
Either way, here is why they might be doing it:
1. They don’t want to hurt you.
As already mentioned, it’s never pleasant to hear about your former lover’s new lover. Your ex might think that hearing about it would hurt your feelings, or they feel guilty about moving on before you did.
Would hearing about their new partner hurt you? What if they are happy with them, and there’s no chance of the two of you reconciling? Would you be able to handle that without it hurting your feelings?
If not, it might be better not to know about your ex’s new partner, even if they stop hiding them from you.
If seeing them together would be painful for you, your ex might be aware of that. Perhaps you are okay with them moving on and dating someone new. But your ex can’t read your mind and is hiding their new partner to err on the side of caution.
2. They keep their private life private.
Some people are generally guarded when it comes to their private life, especially their love life. Maybe your ex talks about their private life with some people, but only those who are very close to them.
Right now, you’re this person’s ex, and you probably don’t spend a lot of time together anymore. Maybe you rarely even talk, which might explain why your ex feels like they don’t have to tell you about their private life anymore.
In addition, they might assume you’re informed about them dating again, and you don’t need to know more details about it. Do they still talk to you about personal things? If not, it makes sense that they’re not telling you about their new partner.
3. They still want you.
Yes, when your ex hides their new partner from you, it could be because they still want to be with you.
Maybe there’s a chance that you’ll get back together, and they’re hoping that you will. It’s not certain yet, so they’re dating someone new just to have someone around until you decide whether you want them back.
It’s possible, but keep in mind that this is just one of the potential reasons why your ex might behave this way.
They don’t want you to think that they’re over you because they’re not. They don’t want you to move on either.
However, don’t assume that this is the case if they gave you no reason to suspect that they are still into you. Don’t assume that your ex wants you back just because you want them back.
4. They’re not proud of their relationship.
Maybe your ex lowered their standards in order to find their new partner. They might even think that you’re a lot better than the person they’re with now. So, they don’t want you to know that they’ve lowered the bar to find someone.
They’re not proud of their relationship, so they’d rather keep it a secret. They probably don’t intend to stay in this relationship for long. What’s more, it’s very likely that they’ve simply settled for the first person that showed interest in them.
Your intelligence, beauty, or achievements might be a lot higher than the ones of their new partner. They don’t want you to know that, so they hide their partner from you.
If you are sure that your ex-partner would flaunt their relationship in front of your face if they were with someone they felt was “better” than you, the reason that they’re not doing it is probably that they found someone they see as “worse.”
5. They’re not in a serious relationship.
It’s more likely that your ex would tell you about this person if they were serious about the relationship. Maybe they even decided they would let you know about their new relationships only when they got serious. And they’re not in a serious relationship right now.
In fact, they might be in a no-strings-attached relationship or they’re just dating this person for now and want to see where it goes. Think about it. If you were just having casual sex with someone new, would you let your ex know about that? Probably not.
So, one of the most likely reasons why your ex is hiding their new partner is that they aren’t serious about them just yet. Even if the relationship is about more than just casual sex, your ex probably doesn’t have long-term plans for now with this person.
6. They’re afraid that you’ll cause drama.
What would you do if your ex actually told you about their new partner? What might your ex think you would do?
They might think that you’d be dramatic and emotional. Perhaps they’re afraid of you getting angry enough to bother or trash-talk their new partner, so they have decided not to tell you about them.
Maybe they suspect that you’d try to convince them that you’re better for them or that you’d envy their new partner. All in all, they’re afraid of the drama that you might cause if they let you know that they’ve moved on. This is especially true if they think that you’re still crazy about them, even if you’re not.
Did you give your ex any reasons to think that you might cause drama if you found out that they were with someone new? If so, then this is likely the reason why they’re keeping it a secret.
7. They don’t want to flaunt their new relationship when you’re still healing.
Maybe they’re not hiding their partner from you, they’re just trying not to flaunt their relationship while you’re still healing.
If you haven’t moved on yet, and they’re aware of it, they don’t want to rub their happiness in your face. They might be waiting for you to find someone new as well before they tell you about their new partner.
Maybe they were the one who broke it off, or they feel guilty about moving on sooner than you. Either way, they don’t want to make things harder for you so soon after the breakup.
If they’re not hiding the relationship, they might give you honest answers if you ask them about it. They just don’t want to bring up the topic on their own because they don’t want to prolong your heartbreak.
8. They’re not in a relationship.
Are you sure that this person is their new partner? It might be their friend or an acquaintance. Obviously, one of the reasons why your ex wouldn’t tell you about their new relationship is if they aren’t in a relationship to begin with.
Maybe they’ve started seeing someone and are considering dating them, but they’re just friends for now, and that’s why they said nothing about it.
Your ex might need more time to decide whether they want to get into a relationship with the person they’re seeing. For now, they’re in the talking stage and aren’t even officially dating yet.
Consider whether they have told anyone about being in a new relationship. If they haven’t, and it just seems that they’re into someone, that’s probably all there is to it.
9. They don’t know how you’ll react.
Imagine your ex talking to you about how happy and in love they are with their new partner. They could go on and on about how perfect their new partner is and how they’ve never felt this much in love before.
Okay, it probably wouldn’t be that bad, but it might seem that bad even if they just mention that they’re serious about someone new.
So, how would you react?
They might really be happy and in love, and thinking about letting you know that makes them realize that you’re not going to enjoy hearing it.
Maybe you would try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you. Maybe you’d get upset and lash out at them. Maybe you’d just conclude that they’re a jerk for telling you that. Maybe you still love them and you’ll fall into despair, or you’ll hate them for moving on.
The point is, they don’t know how you’ll react. They don’t want to find out which of the possible responses you’d choose, even if you would be cool about the whole thing.
10. They think that you’ll disapprove of their relationship.
What if they’re with someone that you’d disapprove of? This doesn’t have to be because you don’t like the person. Maybe their new partner has a bad reputation, a drug addiction, or a criminal record. They could be dating someone who is, for whatever reason, possibly very bad for them. If you were made aware of these details, you wouldn’t want them dating that person.
Maybe their new partner is significantly younger or older than them, or they may be married. If your ex thinks that you’d disapprove of their relationship, it’s likely the reason why they don’t want you to know about it.
11. They know that you still love them.
If your ex knows that you’re still in love with them, they are aware that it would hurt you if you were to see them happy with someone else. In addition, they don’t want you to interfere in their relationship and try to break them up.
Don’t forget that their new partner wouldn’t be thrilled to hear a lot about you either, especially if you want to get your ex back. Their new partner wouldn’t be happy about you and your ex staying friends after the breakup, or even keeping in touch.
This is possible even if you don’t have feelings for your ex, but if you do, it’s very likely the case. So, your ex hides their new partner from you, and they likely also hide you from their new partner.
12. They haven’t told other people about the relationship yet.
Are they hiding this person from others too? Maybe their friends don’t know about their relationship either, or they know very little about it. Your ex might not be ready to make their new relationship status public, so they keep quiet about it.
If you and your ex have mutual friends, you can ask them to find out what they know about your ex’s new relationship. If they don’t know a lot either, your ex is not ready to tell the world about their new love.
They might be in love, but waiting to see where it goes, or the relationship isn’t that serious. Whatever the reason may be, you’re not the only one left in the dark, so this has little to do with your past relationship.
13. They want to keep their options open.
It’s possible that your ex wants to have the best of both worlds. They want to date someone new and yet still have you around in case they wish to go back to dating you.
Maybe they want to date someone for a while and if/when things don’t work out with them, they will still have the option of getting back together with you.
If you were aware of this plan, you probably wouldn’t go along with it, right? So, they keep quiet about it. They don’t want you to get jealous and refuse to get back together with them because they’ve been with someone else. So, they hide their new partner from you and want you to keep hoping that it’s possible to get back together.
On the other hand, they might not have made a plan at all. They’re just unsure whether they want to be in a new relationship or get back together with you. So, until they figure out what they want, they’re keeping their options open.
14. They’re in a relationship with someone you know.
Who is the person that your ex is hiding from you? If you don’t know, it’s possible that it’s someone close to you, since this could be one of the reasons why your ex is trying to hide them from you. Your ex might be dating your friend, your family member, someone you work with, or someone you know.
Obviously, if this is the case, it’s understandable that your ex doesn’t want you to know about it. You would probably get mad at them for dating someone close to you, so they are keeping it a secret until they figure out how to tell you.
15. They’re in a rebound relationship.
Were you and your ex in a serious relationship and is this their first relationship since the breakup? If so, it’s possible that they’re in a rebound relationship and they’re perfectly aware of it. Most people find a rebound after ending a long-term relationship, and rebound relationships don’t usually last.
Exes sometimes seem to move on quickly after the breakup, but they’re often just trying to speed up the process of moving on by getting involved with someone new.
Your ex is not going to tell you that they’re in a rebound relationship, especially if they’re aware of it. This relationship is the result of your breakup, not genuine affection. They don’t want you to know that they’re doing this to move on.
16. They feel awkward talking to you about their love life.
Let’s face it, talking to your ex about your new partner feels awkward. This could be all there is to it. Your ex doesn’t want to get into an awkward situation, so they avoid talking about their love life with you.
How often do you and your ex even talk and what do you talk about?
If you still speak to each other often, you probably don’t talk the same way you did when you were in a relationship. They don’t owe you any information about their private life anymore, and talking about their love life with you would just be weird.
What kind of questions would you have for them if they told you about their partner? Would they like to answer them, or would it just make them feel awkward? Would you ask to meet their new partner? They might be trying to avoid all that.
17. They cheated on you with their new partner.
If your ex cheated on you, they might now be in a relationship with the person they cheated with. Obviously, they wouldn’t want you to know that, especially if you know about the affair. Their new partner might even be the reason you broke up.
If they didn’t have an affair, this could be someone they were interested in while you were together. Maybe they had an emotional affair, or you knew about their interest in someone else. Either way, if they’re with that person now, that’s why they’re hiding them from you.
18. They don’t tell you other things either.
Is your ex hiding their new partner from you or did they stop keeping you updated about their life altogether?
Maybe you don’t even talk anymore, or you rarely get in touch. It would be weird if your ex formally informed you about getting into a relationship with someone else out of nowhere.
Maybe they avoid mentioning their new partner, but they’re not hiding them from you. They’re just not sharing that much with you anymore, and you need to respect that.
19. They assume you already know everything that you need to know.
How did you find out about your ex’s new relationship? Maybe they changed their relationship status on social media and let everyone know that they’re taken again. Perhaps your mutual friends informed you that they’re seeing someone. Either way, they might assume that you already know everything that you need to know.
Other than the fact that they’re in a new relationship, is there anything else that you should know? Obviously, you are curious about who their new partner is and what their relationship is like, but they don’t owe you this information. They might even think that you don’t want to know anything more, so they don’t force you to hear about it.
Does the fact that your ex has moved on bother you? It’s not an easy situation to be in, and it might be all the more difficult if you don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Talking to someone is a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
We really recommend you speak to an experienced relationship expert rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you and offer tailored advice to help you come to terms with the fact that your ex has a new partner.
A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero – here, you’ll be able to connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
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- How To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
- 11 Tips To Move On From A Relationship Without Closure
- How Long Does It Take To Get Over A Breakup? 11 Factors That Make A Difference
- 7 Reasons Why You’re Thinking About Your Ex (+ How To Stop)