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7 Simple Ways To Trust Your Gut Instincts In A Relationship

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You’ve got this feeling that something’s not quite right in your relationship.

But you aren’t sure what your gut is trying to tell you.

Maybe, in the past, you’ve totally ignored these nagging feelings in the pit of your stomach… sometimes with disastrous consequences.

You’ve been getting some of these same thoughts and feelings about your current relationship.

But you’re not sure how to properly identify them or figure out what they mean.

In a relationship, your gut can be trying to tell you all kinds of things – some negative, but also some positive.

Maybe there are red flags cropping up here and there, and you’re either ignoring them, or telling yourself it doesn’t matter because you love them…

…but you know deep down that it does matter.

Or maybe you think you love them, but your gut is telling you that it’s not really love. Or that it was love in the past, but now it’s faded.

Or maybe it’s the other way round. Maybe you know deep down that this person is right for you, but you’re trying to convince yourself otherwise, because you’re scared of commitment or struggle to let your guard down in romantic relationships.

Whether your gut instinct is that this relationship is right for you or not, there are certain things that will help you let that instinct guide you.

1. Make sure you get time to yourself to think.

If you’re in a relationship, you’re probably spending large amounts of time with that person. You might even live with them.

And this can really cloud your judgement.

It’s often not until you have some space from them that you’re really able to check in with your feelings and figure out what’s going on in your heart.

For example, maybe your gut’s trying to tell you that this isn’t really love, but just lust.

You’re not going to get clarity on that until you have some space from the physical attraction you feel toward them.

Or maybe spending so much time with them is a little overwhelming for your commitment-phobic brain, but being away from them makes you realize that you really do miss them and love them.

Either way, you’ll never figure out how you truly feel about someone if you’re constantly with them.

You need space to breathe.

2. Keep a journal.

A journal can be a wonderful way to track and understand your thoughts.

If you write honestly and without judgement, it can help you get to the bottom of your emotions and desires.

After all, our memories can be very short when it comes to matters of the heart.

You might be feeling really negative about your relationship one week, but brilliant about it the next, meaning you completely dismiss the negative feelings.

Writing it all down means you can go back over your words and look for patterns.

This will help you figure out what triggers that gut feeling that’s telling you something isn’t quite right.

3. Talk it through with someone you trust implicitly.

Writing things down is a great way of expressing how you feel. But verbalizing them is often even better.

Now, you shouldn’t discuss these feelings with just anyone.

You want someone you know has your best interests at heart and loves you…

…but someone who isn’t afraid to be honest with you, even when they know you won’t like what they have to say.

The best kind of friend is one who will just listen, without judgement, whilst you explain the feelings you’re having.

You know what you need to do, deep down, so you don’t really need their advice; you just need a listening ear to help you talk through your feelings and make sense of them.

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4. Consider therapy.

If you don’t feel that you have someone in your life who you can talk to about this, or if you feel like this is the result of a deeper problem, like dependency issues or fear of commitment, then you might consider turning to a professional.

Some people are reluctant to go to a counselor or therapist, but if these issues are stopping you from forming healthy, happy, lasting relationships, it might be time to be brave and tackle them head on.

It’ll be a tough thing to work through, but you could make discoveries about yourself that will change your life for the better.

It’s needn’t be as expensive or daunting as you think – you can get the expert help you need online by chatting to a relationship coach from Relationship Hero. Click here to start getting the advice you need.

5. If you resist the idea of talking about it, think about why that is.

If you feel overwhelmed by the idea of writing about this, let alone talking to a friend or therapist about it, you need to step back and think about why exactly it is that you can’t face up to this issue.

What is it that you’re running away from?

Is it that you’re scared of being on your own, so you don’t want to accept that this person might not be right for you?

Is it that you’re scared of what people might say if the relationship doesn’t work out?

Is it that you’re scared of getting hurt if you pour your heart and soul into this relationship?

Odds are that your reluctance to face up to this situation has something to do with fear in some way, shape, or form.

Fear is healthy to a certain extent, but you can’t allow it to run your life.

You might find it challenging, but you need to push through your reluctance to analyze these feelings.

Trust me, you’ll feel much better for it.

6. Don’t make spur of the moment decisions.

Gut feelings are something we should be guided by, but not impulsively.

Sometimes, in a moment of irritation, you might think that your gut is telling you something, and act upon it, and then come to regret that decision later on.

It’s important to allow yourself to cool down, get some space, and reflect on the situation you’re in before making any big decisions.

Make sure that your instincts are consistently telling you that something’s not right…

…not that you’re just giving way to a one-time impulse as a result of an argument or a realization you’ve come to.

You need to make sure this is really what you want, because once certain things are said, they can’t be unsaid.

7. But don’t let things drag on.

You shouldn’t act on impulse, but you shouldn’t let things drag on either.

If your gut is telling you something you don’t want to hear, you’ll probably try to ignore it.

If it’s telling you that a relationship isn’t right, but you don’t want to accept it, you might well try to push those thoughts away.

Taking time to think these things through is good, but it’s unfair on the both of you to allow something to continue if you know it won’t work in the long run.


Listening to your gut instincts about a relationship will save you an awful lot of heartache.

Be honest with yourself, talk your feelings through, think about their root causes, and then be honest with your partner.

Still not sure what your gut is trying to tell you about your relationship? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

About The Author

Katie is a writer and translator with a focus on travel, self-care and sustainability. She's based between a cave house in Granada, Spain, and the coast of beautiful Cornwall, England. She spends her free time hiking, exploring, eating vegan tapas and volunteering for a local dog shelter.