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Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist if you are feeling insecure about your appearance and worry whether other people find you attractive. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
If you’re reading this, there’s a high chance that you don’t think you’re attractive…
… so let’s start off by saying that everyone is attractive!
There are so many different ways to be attractive, and so many different things that different people find attractive.
Do I fancy my best friend’s boyfriend? Not at all.
Would she ever date my boyfriend? No chance.
And yet we’re both very attracted to our own partners.
Everyone is into something different and someone (multiple people!) will definitely be into you.
Here are some things you can look out for that show you are attractive, but this list is neither exhaustive nor absolute. If you don’t tick every item on this list, it doesn’t mean you’re unattractive!
18 Ways To Tell If You’re Attractive
1. You often get compliments.
This is a pretty basic one, but if people often tell you how great you are, how good you look, and how interesting you are, you’re doing pretty well in life!
People are keen to let you know how attractive you are because they want you to know, and want to make you feel good. Some are probably trying to flirt with you…
2. You rarely get compliments.
Yep – the complete opposite! Sometimes, attractive people just don’t get many compliments.
If you’re hanging out with someone you’re attracted to and they look amazing every second of the day, it would be a bit weird if you told them that every 5 seconds.
Equally, sometimes attractive people don’t get many compliments because everyone assumes they already know they’re beautiful or hot – what’s the point in telling someone something about themselves that’s so obvious?!
3. People flirt with you and ask you out.
Maybe people are regularly asking you on dates and asking for your number, or even just hitting on you on nights out.
This is a pretty clear sign that they’re attracted to you and, therefore, you are attractive!
Remember that everyone has a different type and that everyone is attractive in their own way, so just because you don’t get hit on every time you leave the house, it doesn’t mean you’re unattractive.
4. You’ve been on dates.
If you’ve been on any dates (even just one!), someone has clearly been interested in you enough to want to get to know you more.
Even if the date didn’t go amazingly well, they were attracted to you for a reason and chose to spend time with you when they could have been doing something else.
If they chose not to keep seeing you, it doesn’t mean you’re unattractive, so try not to take it as a rejection. It could just be bad timing, it might not feel quite right, or they might just not be interested in pursuing it further.
5. You’ve dated or been in a relationship.
If you’ve ever been ‘seeing’ someone, regularly going on dates with the same person, or been in a relationship, you’re obviously attractive!
Nobody spends a lot of time with someone unless they choose to, and they’re choosing to hang out with you for a reason.
If you’ve been sleeping with someone, or just been intimate with someone you’re dating, they obviously fancy you and find you attractive.
6. You have great conversations with people.
Let’s remember that being attractive isn’t just about how we look! Sure, it’s a good way to start initially, but there’s so much more to being attractive than just looking the part.
If you find yourself having great conversations, having amazing banter, and maybe even getting a little bit silly and flirty, not only are you great company – you’re also attractive!
7. People enjoy spending time with you and want to hang out.
If people gravitate toward you and want to spend time with you regularly, you’re attractive.
There’s something about you that draws people in and makes them want to be around you. It could be your looks, your sense of humor, or your energy – whatever it is, if people want to be around you because of it, you’re definitely attractive!
Again, everyone is attractive in their own way, so even if you can’t see it yourself, the people that seek you out and want to spend time with you see it and believe it.
Try to believe this and realize that people do want to be around you, however hard it might feel at first!
8. People check you out.
Maybe you get checked out a lot in the street, or people double-take when they walk past you in a bar.
Of course, if you’re comfortable with it, this can feel nice and is a good confidence boost that lets you know that people find you attractive.
It might be based purely on how you look, as well as their own specific tastes. Think about how fussy you are when it comes to your dream partner, and don’t be offended if you don’t quite match someone’s ‘perfect idea’ of a person!
9. People are surprised that you’re shy.
Have you ever hung out with your friend and heard them complain that they’re fat, have bad skin, have too-small boobs or not muscular enough legs?
As someone who loves them and thinks that they’re one of the best people on earth, you might be totally surprised to hear them talk badly about themselves.
After all, you think they’re beautiful/amazing/kind/hilarious, how could they, or anybody else, not see that?
Well, the same applies to you. If people are surprised or shocked when you tell them you’re shy or think you’re unattractive, it’s because they see you as brilliant and can’t imagine how you can’t see that for yourself.
Equally, if people are surprised that you’re single, it’s probably because they find you attractive and therefore assume that everyone else does too!
10. People change around you.
We’ve all been there – you find someone attractive and get a bit giggly, or turn shy and start blushing, or maybe start playing with your hair and flirting.
If you notice that people’s behavior changes around you, it’s probably because they find you attractive.
They might really care about your opinion and therefore get a bit nervous and want to impress you, or they might go all out and start joking around, being OTT, and trying to get your attention.
Either way, if people regularly shift behavior when you’re around, it’s because they find you attractive and want you to notice them.
11. Those of the same gender display envy toward you.
Some guys and girls find themselves green-eyed with envy at those they perceive as being considerably more attractive than them. But there is a stereotype that girls show their envy and jealousy toward other girls more than guys do toward other guys.
If you’ve ever been in a position where a group of people of the same gender as you are mean about you or exclude you from their group, it may have been because you make them feel insecure about their own looks due to your obvious attractiveness.
Perhaps they are envious of all the attention you get or because they perceive you as receiving favorable treatment because of your looks. Neither of those things needs to be true for them to have ill-feelings toward you.
12. People make eye contact with you.
Meeting another person’s gaze can be a sign of attraction, especially if that eye contact is intense and prolonged. We tend not to stare at people like that in normal conversation.
So if you find that people often lock your eyes with theirs when you are talking or in the same room as them, it suggests you are attractive to look at.
You may also find that people make eye contact with you because they are staring at you without realizing it. And when you catch their gaze, they may quickly look away and act awkward or embarrassed.
13. People will happily help you out.
Whether consciously or not, people consider those who they deem attractive more positively than those they deem unattractive. This is known as attractiveness bias and can lead to favorable treatment in many different ways.
One such way is that attractive people are more likely to receive help from others, whether or not they ask for it.
So if you find that others are willing to bend over backwards to assist you in any way, there’s a chance that they are doing so because they deem you to be attractive (even if they are not attempting to overtly flirt with you or get you to like them).
14. You’re asked for style or beauty tips.
It’s common for a person to want to emulate the look or style of someone they see as being attractive. It’s a way for them to feel more attractive in themselves.
So if you often find yourself being asked for tips regarding makeup or clothes or hair, there’s a high chance that you are good looking.
If you are a woman, you may find that guys will ask you for your advice or opinion too. They want to know what clothes you think they look most attractive in, how you think they should style their hair, or what accessories are a turn on or turn off. They do this because they want to be attractive to women like you.
15. People will open up to you.
Whether it’s to build a connection or simply due to some unconscious bias in our minds, people tend to disclose more personal and sensitive information with those they find attractive.
If you are often taken aback by the intimate things people share with you, you might want to consider the possibility that it is your looks that prompts them to do so.
16. People make assumptions about you.
People make snap judgments about others based on first impressions. One such judgment involves a person’s looks. A person who wears glasses, for instance, is widely considered to be of higher intelligence, even when no other information is available.
When it comes to people of higher than average attractiveness, people might assume that you work in an industry where looks are important such as modeling or personal fitness.
If others often respond with surprise when you tell them your profession, it might be because they can’t picture someone as pretty or hot as you doing that job. That goes whether you’re a lawyer, teacher, cleaner, or politician!
17. Your friends want you as their wingman/wingwoman.
Those who are objectively attractive tend to face less rejection than those who might be less attractive. In situations that involve approaching people you don’t know, your friends might solicit your help as their wingman or wingwoman.
The classic example is that of chatting people up at a bar. If you’re out with someone and they encourage you to make the initial contact with another person or persons whom they want to talk to, there’s a good chance that they’re doing so because they see you as being attractive and more approachable.
But the same could be said about any type of social gathering whether that’s a party, business networking event, or at college or university. Having an attractive friend (i.e. you) makes them feel more confident.
18. People laugh at your bad jokes.
When someone we find attractive makes a joke, we naturally want to laugh at it, even if it’s not that funny.
Science suggests that funniness is subject to an attractiveness halo effect (also know as the physical attractiveness stereotype). This means that a person’s good looks influence how others perceive that’s person’s other qualities – in this instance, how funny they are.
So if you tell a cheesy joke or just make a comment that wasn’t intended to be funny and people laugh at it, it might be because they think you’re hot.
A word on attraction.
So, these are a few things that might indicate how attractive some other people find you.
If you’ve not experienced everything on this list (or anything, for that matter), it doesn’t make you unattractive at all!
Some of us are so self-conscious that we don’t even notice when people do check us out or pay us attention. We get so trapped in our own mindsets of “I’m not attractive, they’re definitely hitting on my friend instead of me,” that we become almost blind to people who genuinely are attracted to us.
We dismiss people’s attention because we’re so used to assuming it’s not genuine. While this is somewhat normal, it’s not the healthiest attitude to have about ourselves!
If you’re struggling with your body image or how you look, it’s worth talking to a professional. Sometimes, we need someone objective to help us work through our thoughts and find the cause for the ‘beliefs’ and narratives we tell ourselves.
Maybe you were rejected by someone years ago and now instantly assume that nobody will ever find you attractive again.
Maybe you assume that the person talking to you is only doing it to get closer to your friend, and therefore push them away from actually hitting on you because they feel like you’re rejecting them by ignoring them!
It might sound strange, but so many of our ingrained behaviors that come from years of feeling unattractive can almost cause us to make ourselves come across as unattractive, standoffish, or rude.
It’s not your fault at all, but it is something to bear in mind! Speaking to someone who specializes in helping people with low self-confidence and self-esteem can work wonders, and will help you realize just how incredible and special you are.
And remember, your worth isn’t determined by how other people see you, and your relationship status shouldn’t affect how you feel about yourself on a large or long-term scale!
Some of the most attractive people in the world have been single at some point in their lives – just Google your celebrity crush and you’ll quickly realize that they’ve been single, they’ve been turned down by people they fancy, and they’ve been dumped at some point!
How we look and how many other people fancy us isn’t the be all and end all, so remember to value yourself for who you are, not just who finds you attractive.
Worries about your appearance getting you down? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.
We really recommend you speak to a therapist rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to grow your self-esteem and self-confidence so that you feel attractive in yourself regardless of the opinions of others.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How attractive am I on a scale from 1-10?
According to a series of studies, the majority of people think they are more attractive than they are when viewed by others. Although those who are objectively very attractive tend to downplay their looks.
So you may view yourself as an 8 while others might score you a 6.
Physical attractiveness is also highly subjective and can vary across cultures and time. What one person might find attractive, another might not find so desirable.
Which makes any attempt at trying to score your own beauty somewhat difficult and pointless.
Why do I feel so unattractive?
If you truly believe that you are an ugly person, you are likely to be suffering from extremely low self-esteem. As we’ve just discussed, most people overestimate their attractiveness, but you might be far too harsh about your looks due to an eating disorder, other mental health issue, a recent romantic rejection, or simply because you are going through a stressful or traumatic period of your life.
If you have regular critical thoughts and feelings about your appearance, it’s a good idea to speak to a mental health professional who can unpack the reasons for your outward self-loathing and help you to have a more positive view of your attractiveness.
How can I become more attractive?
Before you do anything to try to become more attractive, it’s important that you avoid trying to be someone you’re not. No matter how your outward appearance might change, if you don’t feel entirely comfortable with it, you won’t display the kind of confidence and inner beauty that shines through in how you interact with others.
That said, the areas you may wish to focus on when improving your overall look are: hair, teeth, grooming, makeup, clothing, and body language. Basically, anything that affects the impression you give off to other people.
Body language and facial expressions are particularly important. Have you ever seen someone who just oozed confidence in the way they held themselves, the way they walked, and the way their face and eyes gave off a positive vibe? If you can display that same kind of confidence, the way others see you will change drastically too.
What physical attributes are the most important in attraction?
No two people will have the exact same tastes when it comes to who and what they find attractive. That said, a great smile is often toward the top of most people’s list of features they look for.
But some people might be partial to a bum, others to boobs, others to muscular arms or toned legs. Some might like curves, others might like a slender figure. Some might like blondes, others might like redheads. Some might like beards, others might prefer clean shaven.
Again, this is influenced by cultural differences and the trends and styles that were big when a person was growing up.
What are some things that make people attractive that have nothing to do with their looks?
The saying “beauty is only skin deep” couldn’t be more true. There are so many other qualities that a person can have that make them incredibly attractive individuals. Some of those include:
A sense of humor – people who are naturally funny will be seen in a more positive light by everyone, including those of the opposite sex. That’s because laughing and joking around lead to the production of feel-good chemicals in the brain.
Friendliness – it’s natural to want to be around and spend time with those who are friendly toward you. It helps the formation of a personal bond and it eases any social pressure and anxiety that a person might have.
Confidence – seeing someone display true confidence can be a huge turn on. It not only generates positive emotions toward them, but it can be empowering and boost your own confidence too. There is a difference between confidence and cockiness, though.
Optimism – nobody wants to spend their time around someone who is overly negative about the world, about other people, and about themselves. But everyone wants to spend time with someone who sees the world in a positive light. The former is a drain on your mood and energy, whilst the latter can make you feel more positive too.
Passion – no, not the physical or romantic kind (though that will help), but the kind where a person is just really into a particular thing and talks about it with great energy and enthusiasm. It’s hard not to get drawn into what they are saying.
Is there anything else I can do to appear more attractive to those of my preferred sex?
There are a few things you might try to come across as more attractive, the first of which is to be totally yourself.
That may not be the answer you wanted to hear, but if you can be unapologetically you, you will draw the right person to you because they’ll be attracted to what’s real and authentic rather than something you’re pretending to be.
Secondly, you can work on your cooking skills. Most people enjoy talking about food and if you can demonstrate that you can create delicious culinary dishes, you’ll be seen in a better light. Being able to cook from scratch is far more attractive than someone who puts a readymade meal in the microwave each night.
This third one isn’t so much a recommendation as it is simply a fact: many people love dogs and that feeling can extend to the owners of said dogs (assuming you treat your dog well). Owning any pet, but specifically one you have to take for a walk every day, shows your responsible side. But whatever you do, don’t buy a dog just because of how it might make you look.
How can I make someone more attracted to me?
If there is a particular person that you like and you want them to like you back, there’s only one thing you can really do: spend more time with them.
The more time we spend with someone, the more we warm to them. And even if we don’t feel an instant attraction, that feeling can grow as we get to know them and share experiences together.
What’s important is that some of that time is spent just the two of you. Or, at the very least, you need to have one-on-one conversations with them even if other people are present in the room (at a party or at a restaurant, say).
This doesn’t guarantee that their feelings will change and that they will one day wake up and realize you are the one for them, but it’s necessary if there is any chance of that happening. They won’t think or feel differently about you from a distance.
You’ve got to ask them to spend time with you. You don’t have to say it’s a date – you can just position it as friends spending time together. If there is a particular thing you share in common, try to do that thing with them. This will create and reinforce a bond and help them see you as someone they are compatible with, even if they aren’t yet attracted to you physically.
The more time you spend having fun together and enjoying each other’s company, the greater the chance that they will begin to see you through new eyes.
You may also like:
- Can Attraction Grow? (+ How To Become Attracted To Someone)
- 6 Traits Of Truly Attractive People
- How Important Is Physical Attraction In A Relationship?
- Do Opposites Attract In Relationships? Here’s What You Need To Know
- Inner Beauty Vs Outer Beauty: 4 Truths You Need To Hear