Can Attraction Grow? (+ 7 Ways To Become Attracted To Someone)

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Many of us brush off any potential dates that don’t instantly spark a physical attraction.

We feel like we’re wasting our time by investing in someone we’re not attracted to.

But, by doing so, we overlook some amazing people that would probably be pretty great matches for us.

It’s hard to imagine that we might ever fancy someone that we don’t physically find attractive, but it can happen!

The more you get to know someone, the higher the chance of you becoming attracted to them over time.

Slow-burns can be way more sustainable when it comes to successful, healthy relationships, so it’s worth considering that date that you didn’t instantly find attractive.

So, the answer to the question, “can attraction grow?” is a definite YES!

Let’s explore this more and look at how you can become attracted to someone.

1. Be open-minded.

If you go into something with a negative mindset, or already assuming the worst, you’re not really giving things a fair chance.

Give them a chance to show their best selves, and be open to getting to know them.

The more you can chill out and enjoy spending time with them, the more you’ll get to know them on a deeper level – and the more likely you are to become attracted to them, even if you don’t initially find them attractive.

The more open you are, the more relaxed they’ll be, and they’ll let their guards down and show you just how great they really are.

Remember that, just because you don’t fancy them straight away, they might be keen to get to know you more and might really fancy you.

They’ll still want to impress you and want to get to know you, so you should give them a chance.

2. Consider how they make you feel.

You might not be feeling fireworks, but you might be feeling – supported, confident, sexy, fun.

All the good things!

You might not be super into someone looks-wise, but physical attraction can grow based on the emotional responses we have when we’re with someone.

You can become physically attracted to someone based on how they treat you, how they make you feel, and how much of a good time you have when you’re with them.

It might not be instant, but it will develop over time and you can speed this up by focusing on how great they make you feel.

The most important thing in a relationship is how the other person makes you feel, and it needs to be something sustainable in order to count.

Anyone can make you feel sexy for a night! It’s such a cliché, but it’s not about who you want to spend Saturday night with – it’s who you want to spend all day Sunday with…

3. Set the scene.

If you’re not physically attracted to someone, it’s easy to get stuck in that mindset and start seeing everything through that lens.

If you want to become attracted to someone, you can try changing things up a bit! Go on dates in typically-romantic settings to see if that sparks the mood.

If you’ve only seen the other person for a casual walk in the middle of the day, it’s not really surprising that attraction hasn’t had a chance to spark.

You might feel completely different when you’re in a candlelit cocktail bar, or out for a fancy dinner.

So set the scene, manifest a great date, and go open-minded.

Get out of the mental-rut you’re in about your feelings for this person and get into a romantic mood.

4. Think about what’s sustainable.

How many times have things genuinely worked – healthily! – with someone that you found ridiculously physically attractive?

We can get really caught up in how much we fancy someone’s looks or style and overlook deeper issues that will prevent things from ever working out long-term.

If you’re too busy thinking about how hot they are, you probably won’t want to address their commitment issues, or the fact that you have nothing in common!

By letting yourself become attracted to someone over time, you give yourself the chance to genuinely get to know them and figure out how compatible you are.

Think about how great a partner they will be long-term and how sustainable it would be with them.

They might make you feel great in ways that are very genuine and that you can see continuing long into the future.

People who you fancy might just be great short-term, and are therefore less compatible and attractive long-term. 

5. Bond over mutual interests.

If you’re not physically attracted to someone, make the effort to focus on how much you have in common.

By paying more attention to how compatible you are, you can become more attracted to someone over time.

Maybe your lifestyles just match really well because you both love being active, or you’re both really into quiet nights in with a book.

This kind of thing might not be as exciting as passionate sex with someone very physically attractive, but it’s what makes a successful, healthy relationship.

If you both fit into each other’s lives, you’re onto a good thing.

Physical attraction can sometimes fizzle out quickly, but compatibility is built on how well you can mesh your lives together and both be happy, without making huge personal sacrifices. 

6. Think about your past.

Maybe you’re sabotaging a potentially great relationship by telling yourself you don’t fancy the person you’re dating.

You might be trying to tell your brain that they’re ‘just a friend’ in order to prevent being hurt again.

If you don’t let yourself be attracted to someone, you can never really be rejected by them, after all.

Consider your past experiences with dating and relationships, and think about how they may be holding you back now.

You might be reluctant to let yourself really fall for someone, but try to remember that not everyone’s the same!

Just because one person hurt you, doesn’t mean everyone else will. You can be open to love even while being scared of it, and, if they’re the right person, it will really pay off. 

7. Consider the competition.

We wouldn’t normally suggest comparing your life to others, but it can be quite helpful in this kind of situation.

If you’re dating someone that you’re not physically attracted to, there’s obviously something else that you’re interested in.

That might be the fact that they have the same obscure taste in music as you, or the fact that they’re the only person you’ve been with who genuinely makes you feel confident and excited!

Sure, you might find someone else that you fancy a lot more to look at, but… do you want to risk giving up a deep, genuine connection with someone?

As time goes on, you can definitely become more physically attracted to someone. But you can’t change a hot person’s personality and interests! 


Most of us think about our dream partner and imagine fancying them a lot!

That’s not always instant, however, and we need to make sure we’re keeping our expectations realistic.

You can grow to find someone attractive, so it’s important to start off with a strong foundation built on personalities, mutual interests, and similar lifestyles.

As long as you’ve got something solid to work from, the attraction can grow over time and you can end up really fancying someone that you weren’t initially physically attracted to.

Still not sure what to do to become more attracted to someone? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.