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If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’ll notice that it naturally changes over time.
For some people, these changes can be unwelcome and cause them to worry about whether or not they’re still in love with their partner.
If you’re unsure of the feelings you feel toward your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, hopefully this guide will help…
1. You’re still intimate with each other.
It’s important to remember that every relationship changes over time. It might not be full of passion right now, but if there are still feelings of closeness and intimacy, you’re still in love with them.
You might not be having sex as often as you once were, but if you’re making an effort to be intimate with them and you still enjoy sharing that, there are clearly feelings involved.
Having less sex is totally normal and can be down to a huge range of factors that you should try not to worry about – work, stress, kids, even just being tired!
But if you’re still sleeping in the same bed, sometimes having sex, your love is alive and well.
2. You live in the real word, not a fantasy.
It’s normal to want that honeymoon phase to carry on for longer, but it’s not a realistic expectation to have.
Things might not be as intense and exciting as they once were – it’s okay if they feel a bit mundane or boring every so often!
Your relationship may have gone from wild sex and staying up talking until 3am to arguing over who puts the bins out and who’s doing the washing up… but that’s normal!
Try to see the value in everyday tasks with someone and remember that it’s these little things that make your relationship so great. Comfortable is good!
3. You argue every so often.
Some people worry that any kind of disagreement or argument means that they’re in the wrong relationship – this is so not true!
Imagine agreeing with someone on absolutely everything – how boring.
Do you and all your friends have the exact same opinion on literally everything? Of course not! It’s natural to disagree about some things, and, to an extent, arguing shows that you care.
You might argue about the house being messy because you want it to be a nice place you can live in together.
Maybe you get annoyed that they stay out late with friends sometimes – that’s because you love them and want to spend time with them.
Try to reframe little fights and things like this to see that it’s not all doom and gloom!
4. You see a future together.
No matter how much they annoy or upset you at times, you still see yourself being with them long-term.
This is a clear sign that you are still in love with them, despite the hardships you feel you’re going through.
When we fall out of love with someone, we find it incredibly hard to picture a future together – it may even make us feel guilty, because we feel as though we’re lying to our partner and pretending we’re happy.
If you can see yourselves together and feel happy, not guilty, it’s a good sign.
You don’t need to be looking as far ahead as 80-year olds sitting on a porch swing, but you’ll be able to see yourselves going through life together and sharing all sorts of experiences.
5. You still do the things they hate.
If you find yourself offering to do the vacuuming because you know your partner hates doing it, your love is still alive and well!
It might not always feel like it, but simple things like this show that you still care about their feelings and take them into consideration. You do the things they hate because you don’t want them to have to do them.
Of course, there are some boundaries to this, but, on the whole, you’re keeping your partner happy, you’re keeping the peace, and you’re showing that you value their feelings and listen to what they like and dislike. If that’s not love, what is?
6. You still do the things they love.
Maybe you hate football, but your partner loves it. So, every so often, you watch a game with them.
This is because you care about them – and, in doing so, you care about making them happy by caring (short-term!) about things they love.
If you find yourself making compromises or sacrifices and doing things because you know your partner enjoys them, you still feel the love, there’s no doubt about it.
You don’t need to be a complete doormat or constantly sacrifice the things you like, just to be clear! But a healthy level of compromise is great for a relationship.
7. You still talk.
We don’t just mean talk, we mean talk. You still have proper conversations about yourselves, your feelings, your days – not just who’s cooking and what time the kids are coming home!
When we get comfortable in relationships, things like spontaneity and excitement take a bit of a back seat – as do those long nights of staying up talking about your dreams.
It’s natural to worry that the spark has faded and your life is now a bit more mundane, but if you both still make an effort to have real conversations, there’s definitely something there and it’s very likely that you do love them.
8. You make an effort with each other.
You don’t need to go all-out glam and have fancy date nights every Friday, but if you’re still making an effort to do nice things, look good for each other at times, and show up when it matters, you’re both still in love with each other.
Lazing around in your pyjamas and being ‘real’ with each other is totally normal (and healthy!) too – but if you put in the effort to spend time together and commit to making each other feel good, it’s an indicator of your true feelings.
9. You’re still close.
Eye contact, hand holding, using each other’s first names? These are all signs that you’re still in love with your partner – you’re still close, you’re still intimate (emotionally and physically), and you’re both present in your relationship.
If you have kids, you might get used to calling each other ‘Mum’ and ‘Dad’ (especially if you’re trying to encourage first words from a little one) – this can quickly become a habit and sap away the romance, but if you’re both still making an effort to be two adults and not just two parents, that’s very positive.
You might not get butterflies every time they look in your eyes, but it shows that there’s care, it shows that you truly know each other, and it’s a clear sign that you still love them.
10. You don’t go to bed on a fight.
If you hate the thought of lying in bed next to your partner with an unresolved argument in the air, you’re in a good relationship and you definitely still care about them!
When we fall out of love with someone, we often stop caring as much about the consequences – we care a bit less about how the other person feels, and we’re less likely to make a big effort to apologize or rectify a situation that we know is hurting our partner.
If you find yourself making up before bed and talking things out so that you don’t both go to bed angry and upset, you still love them.
This shows so much empathy to both your partner and yourself – two key aspects of a healthy relationship.
As our relationships evolve, things naturally change. Sexy underwear turns into thermals, bedtimes are more focused on the kids than any kind of fun, and bedroom passion turns into chore-related rage.
This is totally normal, but it can leave you wondering whether or not you still love your partner, especially if you haven’t been in a serious or long-term relationship before.
It’s okay for things to level out and become a bit more boring – it shows that you’re comfortable with each other and are in a good place.
If you’re in the honeymoon period forever – one of you is lying, pretending to never be annoyed, or making way too many compromises!
A bit of arguing, a bit less touching, and a few more nights of unglamorous TV dinners are a sign that you’re in a great relationship – and you still love them.
Still not sure whether or not you really do love your partner? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
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