Is your husband selfish or is he just having a tough time of late?
You might be able to dismiss some of his behaviors, especially if they’re one-offs. After all, every relationship, and every individual, goes through rough patches at some point – this is natural.
But when things become a habit and start to affect how you feel about yourself and your marriage, it’s time to question how selfish your husband is.
If you’re wondering if your spouse is selfish, we’ve got some key signs to look for.
If you read through the list and start to realize that he is acting unfairly, we’ve also got some tips on how to deal with it and move forwards positively in your relationship.
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13 Signs Your Husband Is Selfish
1. He’s always right.
If your husband is adamant that he’s right about everything, it reeks of selfishness!
Thinking you are always right and not being able to admit when you are wrong is very immature behavior.
He might also refuse to accept anyone else’s opinions or be very critical of views that don’t completely align with his.
This is a sign that he’s slightly narcissistic and self-interested, which are also aspects of a selfish personality.
2. He’s only interested in himself.
This might sound obvious, but your husband is selfish if he is only interested in himself.
What does that mean? Well, you might start to realize that he doesn’t take an interest in anything to do with you and your life outside the relationship.
Maybe your conversations tend to revolve around what he gets up to and what his hobbies are.
If he doesn’t give much attention or consideration to what your day was like, what you enjoy doing, or what you are thinking or feeling, he’s certainly quite selfish.
3. He has to be in charge all the time.
Have you ever noticed that your husband is a bit of a control freak?
Maybe you’re picking up on that fact now because he is becoming very domineering and needs to be in control of everything all the time.
He might make all the decisions like where you eat, or what friends you both hang out with.
It can be nice sometimes to have someone who takes the lead so that you don’t need to worry about anything, but, this can go too far.
If his need for control has gotten out of hand, you’ve got a selfish husband on your hands.
4. He never apologizes.
A key feature of selfish behavior is not apologizing. Is your husband so caught up in himself that he never says sorry?
Of course, nobody wants to be with a doormat who apologizes constantly, even when they don’t need to. But being with someone so selfish that they can’t see that they’re upsetting you is also horrific.
It’s unfair to be made to feel desperate for wanting an apology, but a lot of selfish people leave you feeling this way.
Your husband may well love you, but, if he doesn’t care enough to say sorry when he’s upset you, he is selfish. End of.
5. He doesn’t make an effort with you.
In every relationship, there are expectations – some realistic and some definitely unrealistic.
Wanting some attention and affection from your husband? Totally realistic!
If you feel like he doesn’t make an effort with you (whether that’s spending quality time with you, planning date nights, or just being there for you), your husband is selfish and self-centered.
6. He doesn’t communicate properly.
Communication is key in any relationship, we all know that! If your husband isn’t making an effort to communicate openly and honestly with you, he’s being very selfish and isn’t actively taking part in a functional, healthy relationship.
7. He has no manners.
Selfish people don’t really give much thought to what’s going on around them, as we all know.
That can often manifest in them having bad or non-existent manners. Maybe they don’t say please or thank you, maybe they speak over you and dominate the conversation all the time.
Either way, if you’re looking for a sign of a selfish husband, this is definitely an easy one to spot!
8. He always makes you come to him after a fight.
Do you feel like you’re the one who always says sorry, or always goes to him after an argument?
Sometimes, this is okay. If you’re the one in the wrong, it can make sense that you be humble, approach your partner, and try to mend bridges after you’ve fought.
However, this shouldn’t be the case every single time – especially if they are the ones who caused the argument or who have done something wrong.
Your husband is selfish if he makes you come to him every time – he doesn’t care enough about your feelings to put them above his own, and doesn’t value you in the way he should.
9. He’s heavily critical.
Being selfish often means ignoring someone’s feelings or refusing to acknowledge them if they don’t match up with what you want.
If your husband is constantly putting you down, he is being selfish by ignoring how that will make you feel.
It’s natural and normal to hurt your partner’s feelings at some point – we have all done it, whether we like to admit it or not.
However, if you feel like his criticisms are becoming too much of a habit and he’s not making the effort to apologize or understand why this may upset you, he is acting selfishly.
10. He doesn’t compliment you.
We can’t expect our partner to lavish us with praise and attention all the time, however much we might want that!
Most relationships operate under some kind of balance – some compliments, some affection, some just being.
If your partner never compliments you, he’s being selfish by not understanding how this could be affecting your self-esteem.
Again, you can’t expect someone to compliment everything about you every day, but, if you’ve made an effort to dress up or gone out of your way to do something nice for him, your husband should show his appreciation or admiration.
He doesn’t need to worship you; he just needs to show he cares.
11. He’s selfish in bed (obviously!)
This is a self-explanatory one, let’s be honest. If your husband is selfish in bed, he’s selfish in life.
You might have noticed a shift in the bedroom recently, one where he no longer makes an effort to make you feel good, or that he’s focused on himself and what he wants.
Being a selfish lover can be difficult physically, but it also means you may be left feeling emotionally vulnerable or lonely – which is obviously very unfair on you.
12. He’s not open to ideas.
Many selfish people are so fixated on how they feel and what they want that they are very closed off to other people’s suggestions.
If he shuts down your ideas or doesn’t really let you have an opinion, you’re dealing with a selfish husband.
It’s so frustrating when someone just doesn’t listen to you, especially if you know that what you’re saying is right.
Your feelings and opinions are valid and, while he doesn’t need to agree with everything you say, your husband should be open to hearing your thoughts.
13. He’s very distant from you.
Now, we understand that some people are more introverted or quiet, but, there are some people who actively choose to withdraw from their partner for selfish reasons.
It is completely normal, and healthy, to have alone time in your relationship – we all need our space sometimes!
However, if your partner is constantly pulling away from you, you’re going to start wondering if you’ve done something wrong, if he’s got feelings for someone else, if he’s no longer in love with you, etc.
This kind of behavior can be very selfish because it makes you question your relationship and your worth.
How To Deal With A Selfish Husband
So, now that you’ve identified that you have a selfish husband, what do you do?
Well, there are different ways to tackle this issue in a healthy, non-confrontational way…
1. Be honest.
It might sound unlikely, but your husband might not realize he’s being selfish.
Some habits start so small and develop so slowly that we’re not aware of them ourselves. Sometimes, it takes someone pointing it out for us to realize that something we’re doing isn’t acceptable.
Avoid arguing about this by approaching the issue lightly, and asking if they have time to talk about something that has been upsetting you.
You can calmly explain how you’ve been feeling, and suggest that you spend some quality time together and move forwards.
Once he realizes that he’s caused you to feel this bad, he’ll hopefully be keen to rectify things and remedy his behavior.
Remember that it’s okay if he takes it badly at first – nobody likes feeling criticized or attacked. Give him time to process (he may also be feeling guilty for hurting you and unsure of himself) and he’ll come round…
2. Remember, this will be a process.
Addressing your husband’s selfish ways isn’t a quick fix. This is about altering behaviors that have become habitual over time.
As such, this will involve more than one conversation. Remind them as you go that you’re making these changes together, for the best.
Your relationship will continue to strengthen the more that you make the effort to make each other feel good – so remind your partner of this from time to time.
They may feel a bit anxious or bogged down by trying to change, so it’s helpful to let them know every so often why this is such a great thing for you both.
Positively reinforce the things they do that make you happy! Rather than everything coming from a negative place, make sure your partner also sees you feeling positive about their efforts to change.
Let them know how happy it makes you when they compliment you. Show how much you appreciate him helping around the house more. This positive angle will make him feel good about himself, and more likely to keep going.
If your husband is selfish, he may not realize the rewards of being generous and kind. Show him these rewards and it’ll give him reasons to keep trying and growing.
3. Focus on yourself.
Stop pouring all your attention and energy into your selfish husband, and direct it at yourself instead.
If he is self-obsessed, he will never fully appreciate the time you spend on making him feel good which can leave you feeling more and more upset.
The more you invest in your partner and receive nothing back, the more you are lowering your own standards.
Instead, spend time remembering what you love doing – see friends, hit the gym, take yourself out for nice meals.
You’ll start to remember how good you can feel, and you will become less desperate to please a self-absorbed partner.
In time, he’ll realize that you have started focusing on yourself instead of him, and that he misses you.
4. Get to the root of the issue.
Why is your husband being selfish?
If this is a new development, consider where it could be coming from.
Maybe he just lost his job and is struggling to feel good about himself, so is acting selfishly because he needs to feel important.
Maybe this has been an issue for a while, in which case, it could be due to other stresses or childhood issues that he’s holding onto.
It’s hard to know for sure unless you talk about it with your partner.
We all have things that prompt certain behaviors and, while they are all valid, they don’t excuse inexcusable behavior – remember that!
Just because your partner had a tough childhood doesn’t mean they get to treat you badly now.
Instead, it means that you acknowledge how they feel and why, and work together to come up with a solution that works for you both.
You can be compassionate to both him and yourself as you work through this – and you can seek professional help as a couple if it gets too much.
In fact, nearly all couples in this situation will benefit from some form of couples counseling.
HeyRitual can guide the way and help you achieve the best outcome. It includes regular sessions with a dedicated relationship expert and tailored videos, advice, and exercises via an app. Learn more about HeyRitual and start your journey today, either individually or as a couple—get 20% off when you use the code RETHINK20.
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